Say It Ain't So, Joe! Chain Closure Shows Revenge is a Dish Best Served With Unlimited Breadsticks

In the most shocking news since the ought-fourteen bombshell that forced us to retire our most popular meme* about the midscale chainification of Reston, Not Your Average Joe's, the perfectly average chainery that replaced our beloved Macaroni Grill, has announced it will close in July. Say it ain't so, Joe!

The Massachusetts-based chain is permanently closing its location in the Spectrum at Reston Town Center on July 15, according to a sign recently posted to the restaurant’s front door.

“We are so grateful to have been a part of your great community,” the sign says. “Thank you for the many wonderful memories and all your support throughout the many years.”

It's been here since ought-sixteen, so a decade is a pretty good run for a chain "concept," we guess. But we know what that soon-to-be-vacant storefront could mean!

We're so back, baby!

Right now, you can only find the Macaroni Grill on the blockchain, or maybe six time zones away (we need to take a tax-deductible Restonian On Your Side business trip to confirm this; we owe you, dear "web log" readers, nothing less). But Barnes & Noble triumphantly returned to Reston after a similar shocking closure, and we've hoped against hope before, so you never know!

* Said meme was never popular, the end.

With Trump Truth Post, Reston Has Finally Arrived

Maybe you thought it was that time Money Magazine ranked Reston the 7th best place to live in the country. Or that time they named a disease and an opera after our plastic fantastic planned community. Or that time we got our fancypants Wegmans before Manhattan (yes, that Manhattan). Or that time the Metro finally arrived and all of our homes one particular penthouse quintupled in value. 

But no. It was only yesterday, May 3, 2026, that Reston finally arrived. That's because that was the day we joined the ranks of Bruce Springsteen, various"low IQ" politicians, Greenland, the Superbowl halftime show, and covfefe. That's right, Reston was at long last the subject of a Trump tweet truth. Check it, as the kids haven't said since well before his first term:

Good to see Fannie Mae getting with the program! Let's check out that inspirational photo greeting employees as they head past the fake harvested timber to the elevator banks. COMPUTER, ENHANCE:

Resisting the urge to make obvious comparisons that would get us put on a list, so haha, good thing it's posted against a russet brown background or the DRB would be awfully sore, haha, the end.

Vowel Movement: Consonant Explosion More Unnerving Than A Cold Plunge

Following in the footsteps of some of Reston's trendier, or at least blockier, apartment complexes, this vaguely Welsh-sounding business is currently under construction in RTC West, whatever that is. For those of us over the age of 27 and/or not goatee-adorned "brand consultants," this loosely translates to "Sweathouse" in English, and will apparently be a place where you can sit in an infrared sauna followed by a cold plunge to, wedunno, sweat all the vowels out of your system?

We've got a fever, and the only cure is more consonants!

We're old enough to have the name, like Proust's madelines, spontaneously remind us of some of our favorite TV sitcom characters:

Who among us didn't laugh along with the SWTHGZ, the end.

Mauve Friday: RTC Named Top Christmas Spot, But Spirit of the Season Is Everywhere

It's the holiday season once again, and our BFFs at the Washington Post gave us an early holiday present, if by "present" you mean naming our favorite ersatz downtown one of DC's best "festive neighborhoods," if by "neighborhood" you mean a "midscale shopping center with a confusing parking app."

But we digress! Give us some good blockquote, our favorite correspondent, the Peasant from Less Sought After South Reston: 

Words I never thought applied to Reston Town Center, aka one of the DMV’s “8 most festive neighborhoods,” according to the Washington Post... Right up there with the moneyed elites of Capitol Hill and Georgetown, as well as the hip and edgy Penn Quarter and Adams Morgan. Words fail me, which is why this is such a short email.

Along with the ice rink and a couple of RTC's midscale eateries and watering holes, the Post gushes about a pop-up Christmas bar that's located... not in Reston Town Center proper, but its equally edgy neighbor. But that's okay! We've got plenty of festive spirit in Reston. Even if we can't imagine it, we can enlist our trusty semi-sentient, HOA-friendly MI (mauve intelligence) bot to give us a sense of why we live in such a festive place:

The crack RTC parking squad has apparently turned in their golf carts and bumblebees for more seasonally appropriate attire. But there's more!

It's always nice to see the DRB put aside their differences about white stone and red mulch to focus on the spirit of the holidays. Also, it appears that approximately 2/3 of the board has been cloned, but that's a small price to pay for the Spirit of the Season. Speaking of which:

We honestly can't tell if Santa is trying to rip off the chimney so he can distribute gifts on his appointed rounds, or whether he's been enlisted by the Clone DRB to appropriately sanction homeowners who fail to paint their chimney stacks the appropriate color of taupe. 

We boiled the equivalent of all the water in Lake Anne and Lake Newport to generate these images, and honestly, we have no regrets. And luckily, we don't need AI to illustrate how you, a proud Restonian, can give and receive in the spirit of the holidays without leaving home:

Just keep checking your mailbox for the annual, ever-so-slightly larger RA assessment delivered not by Santa, but a uniformed federal agent, the end.

Back to the Future: Barnes & Noble May Return to Reston Spectrum In Chain Store Bingo

Imagine this photo, taken with some primitive cellular telephone way back in ought-thirteen -- practically a daguerrotype -- only in reverse. If our BFFs at pornographic park-loving The Burn are correct, Barnes & Noble may be returning to the Spectrum. Wait, what?

Give us some good retail blockquote, BFFs at the Burn:

It looks like the Barnes & Noble bookstore chain is planning its triumphant return to Reston — almost a decade after it closed a store in the very same shopping center. The Burn has learned that B&N is planning on opening a new bookstore and cafe in The Spectrum at Reston Town Center. That’s the shopping complex just to the north of the Reston Town Center lifestyle center along Reston Parkway. The space that will become the bookstore appears to be the same space that formerly housed an Office Depot store. That’s next door to the Harris Teeter grocery store.

That's a lot of detail, but lengthy, monotonous lists of chain retail are how folks in Loudoun have to give directions anywhere.

But we digress. Supposedly B&N never wanted to leave Reston in the first place. And, as our favorite correspondent, the Peasant From Less Sought After South Reston, points out, apparently our plastic fantastic fake downtown is now being referred to as a "lifestyle center," assuming paying for parking and walking by empty storefronts is a "lifestyle." 

But the weirdness continues! Today, our BFFs at the Burn reported that Whole Foods might be considering moving to where Best Buy once sat before it closed two years ago. (To give directions to Ashburnites, what we mean is "Next to the Container Store, which is across from Not Your Average Joes, which is behind the PetSmart, and across the Toll Road from the future Wegmans.") They posted this image from Spectrum owner Lerner's website as evidence of the move: 

We're not sure why a web log dedicated to the nirvana of Eastern Loudoun County has suddenly developed a fixation with Reston chain retail, but maybe with Wegman's imminent arrival they've decided we're worthy of being in the club. What's even stranger, though, is that almost all of Spectrum (except the part with Harris Teeter and the maybe B&N) was approved for a massive redevelopment back in 2013 -- not surprising, since its big box configuration was always envisioned as temporary until there was demand for more bollardy goodness like what the developers envisioned back in ought-thirteen:

Guess that demand isn't there yet. And maybe -- just maybe -- this round of Chain Bingo will end with a a happy ending to our shattered dreams:

A web logger can dream, can't they?

Update: Signage at the Spectrum location confirms that Barnes & Noble is looking to open in Spring 2023.

You Too Can Own a Piece of Reston Town Center: Investors Sought for Hotel

As construction continues near the future Reston Town Center Metro Station, developers are letting folks -- well, not just any folks -- get a piece of the action. 

For the low starting point of just $50,000, you too can own a tiny piece of a new "dual-branded hotel" near the 420' (heh) tower. Give us some good investment blockquote, BFFs at the Washington Business Journal:

A team including Annapolis-based Hogan Cos. is looking to raise $27 million to help fund the development of a dual-branded hotel at Reston Town Center, where construction is slated to kick off this fall.

Hogan is hoping to raise equity for the 267-room hotel, that will fly two Marriott International Inc. (NYSE: MAR) brands —  an extended-stay Residence Inn and Northern Virginia's first boutique AC Hotel, according to marketing materials. The funds raised would be part of the larger capital stack needed to develop the $101 million project, 

Weinblatt's solicitation went to a larger list of email recipients than is typical, including the Washington Business Journal. The solicitation says the project is slated to generate a development yield of 8.7% return, with a hold period of four years. The minimum commitment is $50,000 and would-be investors have until Aug. 19 to pony up the funds. Donohoe expects to close on its loan in time to start construction in October.

We've always dreamed of being part of a "capital stack," whatever that is, and an 8.7 percent return ain't bad, though we're still waiting for our far more lucrative investment in NFTs to pay off.  And after checking under the sofa cushions in Restonian World Headquarters' sunken living room, we're only $49,998.83 shy of the 50K minimum. Anyone want to go in on a trashcan on the 17th floor of the future Residence Inn?

Clydespocalypse Now: We Browse the RTC Clyde's Auction So You Don't Have To

The Clydespocalypse is upon us, but fear not, lovers of boat models and biplanes: The iconic Reston Town Center eatery's collection of tchotchkes is currently up for auction, meaning you can relive all those boozy weekend brunches in the comfort of your own sunken living room or conversation pit.

There's some genuinely interesting stuff from Clyde's Reston location, like art prints and model boats and all kinds of horsey stuff if you're into that sort of thing. A bunch of their tables are also up for auction in case you want to start your own restaurant. At the risk of being outbid, here's what we've got our eyes on:

Lots of these replica airplanes are up for auction, but we'll wait for a scale model of Fairfax One we can hang on our ceiling and annoy guests by asking "why is the chopper overhead?" until they stop coming over.

Can't wait to put these "large elk statues" in the front yard! Can't wait for the letter from the DRB!

We'll need some way of communicating once Elon Musk turns Twitter into a howling hellscape of white supremacists. Or more of one, anyway.

This vintage saddle would make drivers look twice as you streak across Wiehle on your bike without stopping.

Ever been to one of the library booksales?  Or the Herndon Festival Carnival? This would come in handy in both places.

No truth to the rumor that the Reston Association is building a full-size replica to patrol the lakes in search of boats without current stickers.

So bid early and often! Sadly, a screengrab of the equally iconic ParkRTC app is not among the items up for auction, the end.

Pour One Out for Another 1960s New Town, Soon To Be Replaced By More Of The Same

Longtime readers and/or aficionados of brutalist concrete abutments may recall that one of Reston's contemporaries, the Glasgow, Scotland "new town" of Cumbernauld, has a fancy concrete Town Center that rivaled any of the feverish dreams of Reston's own planners. It was... something. Somehow, it managed to mix the concrete starkness of Lake Anne with the desolate post-apocalyptic feel of Hunters Woods, all while resembling an inverted Terraset pointing upwards to the sky in a defiant act of concrete hubris. And it inspired the first vision of what our own plastic fantastic Fake Downtown might look like, replacing tree-lined streets with weird, windswept concrete boulevards overseen by giant lookout perches (presumably to watch for those who overstay the 15-minute parking limit).

What could have been.

Alas, that vision wasn't meant to be in Reston, and in Scotland, the dream is coming to an end. Apparently Old Blighty's constant rain and bog-ick has done a number on the poured concrete nirvana. Half of it had already been torn down, and the rest is now slated to be demolished. Soon, cheerful, inspiring vistas like this will be a thing of the past:

Predictably, people are upset about this unique piece of architectural heritage being demolished, which sounds oddly familiar. But fear not! Plans are in the works to replace it with something just as distinct and responsive to Cumbernauld's distinct landscape and culture:

As a wise man once said, no matter where you go, there you are,

So pour a flat, room-temperature ale out for our friends across the pond and give your nearest baffling concrete abutment a hug, the end.

Clydespocalypse Now: Reston's Nautical Themed Ur-Chain Eatery Departs RTC After Three Decades, But Sinking Feeling Persists

V. v. sad news for fans of midscale chain dining and nautical-themed knickknacks: Clyde's of Reston is departing Reston Town Center after more than three decades--literally almost since RTC was first envisioned as a more tree-lined version of Tysons. Give us some semaphore-themed blockquote, BFFs at the Washington Business Journal:

The current Reston outpost of Clyde's Restaurant Group will close May 21, affecting 73 employees. But Clyde's Restaurant Group, a subsidiary of Graham Holdings Co. (NYSE: GHC), plans to retain and relocate its Reston staff to other locations in the region, including its Broadlands and Mark Center restaurants.

"We came to a termination of the lease and an amicable parting with the property owner. Boston Properties has been a good landlord," said Jeff Owens, chief financial and corporate development officer at the D.C.-based restaurant group. "We are still very much excited about the Reston area, because we have a lot of regular customers out there." 

The Reston location, which opened in 1991, wasn't the first Clyde's. That distinction goes to the original Clyde's in Georgetown, which opened in 1963. But the restaurant brand was among the first tenants to sign on at Reston Town Center, and Owens said it has developed a loyal, multigenerational customer base there over the years.

It was a fairly big deal when Clyde's opened in our plastic fantastic fake downtown back at the dawn of the the Naugahyde Nineties. It was a sign that Reston could be as hip and urbane as nearby Tyson's Corner, which at the time also had a Clyde's, which in turn was a sign that that particular shopping mall and office park amalgamation could be as hip as (checks notes) Georgetown... which, in the kind of irony only filthy "web loggers" can appreciate, wound up going through the Commercial Real Estate Singularity and wound up with the same bland midscale chain emporia as both Tysons and RTC.

Suffice it to say it's been a long day for RTC's paid Facebook commenters elite crisis management team, who have a well-rehearsed script when people mention past public relations kerfluffles that may have contributed to the many departures over the past few years -- that the community has "moved on" from the whole paid parking debacle. And sure, we love a confusing app and/or kiosk you have to use to get "free" parking during the day as much as anyone else, and sure, we think COVID probably has as much to do with restaurants struggling as their landlords at this point, but this will be a big loss for what the aforementioned crisis managers would call RTC's "elite" "brand". As awkward announcements go, this is almost as bad as when fellow Georgetown/Tysons/RTC fav Banana Republic closed its RTC location last month as part of a nationwide push to eliminate stores in places with "low foot traffic."

And while Clyde's had nothing but good things to say about Boston Properties in their statement, sometimes actions speak louder than words:

The company is considering opening another location in the Greater Reston area. “We are very excited about the growth and development activity in the area and are eager to share some big news soon,” Jeff Owens, CRG’s chief financial and corporate development officer, said.

All Your BASE Belong to Us: Any Connection to Mystery of Reston's 420' (Heh) Jump?

Everyone is agog at the v. v. exciting news that a 70-year-old grandfather was charged this week in connection with a series of BASE jumping incidents from the tops of under-construction skyscrapers in Tysons Corner and elsewhere in Fairfax County over the past few years.

The person involved has denied any involvement, but all we can say is good on whoever it was -- we certainly hope to be doing more productive things than "web logging" when we hit 70. And we'll just point out that someone made a daring 420 (heh) foot jump off Reston's newest mauvescraper last November, a sign of hope and daring during a time of plague. 

We'll stress, of course, that no one has made any link between that incident and the ones discussed in recent news coverage, and that charges do not equate to convictions.  We wouldn't want to jump to conclusions, after all.

Here's an Action McNews segment, if you're into such things:

   

Reston Going to the Birds: E-Scooters Join Bikeshares As Most Likely Objects To Be Found During Future Lake Dredging

First, the red Capital Bikeshare stations descended upon our neighborhoods, glowing monoliths and solar panels and puny, pathetic bollards and all. Now, within a week of the county approving its "shared mobility device program," we've seen the first rentable scooters that weren't totally lost pop up in Reston -- in Reston Town Center, no less!

The first county franchisee, Bird, is beginning to distribute up to 300 scooters countywide (a second company, LINK, will start distributing scooters sometime this fall). 

At least 15 of Bird's battery-powered doohickeys have been set up in RTC, making this the second most embarrassing moment involving birds and our plastic fantastic fake downtown. Check out this helpful cellular telephone map:

With its mix of paths, transit, and pedestrian-friendly design, Reston's actually a decent place for these scooters, and we can't wait to effortlessly scoot from the Apple Store to the former site of the Macaroni Grill to pay our #respects some day in the not-so-distant future. (But we won't be going to Herndon -- that purple area on the map suggests that scooters remain verboten for our neighbors to the west.) But with the way they block sidewalks when they're not in use and encourage speedy zipping around pedestrians when they are, they're.... not exactly popular with everyone, as this fancy "supercut," as the kids haven't said in years, suggests.

 

Scooters and plentiful bodies of water? What could possibly go wrong, the end.

Sorry, Charlie: Canned Fish Purveyor Moving To Elite Reston Town Center

V. v. exciting news for fans of 1960s advertising mascots and canned fish! Star-Kist is leaving Pittsburgh for the Steel City of the Northern Virginia region, which of course is Reston. Give us some good business-type blockquote about business, business journal types journaling about business at the Washington Business Journal:

StarKist Co., which announced late last month it would leave Pittsburgh for Greater Washington, said it has signed a lease for 24,000 square feet at 1875 Explorer St. in Reston Town Center, where its headquarters will create 83 jobs once it opens in April 2022. The tuna giant is investing $3.6 million in the relocation to the building, owned by Boston Properties. It had considered sites in Maryland as well as part of its search.

Well, Maryland doesn’t know anything about fish or anything, and we’ve got a couple of pretty cool manmade lakes, so that makes sense.

We’ve repeatedly pointed out the grittiness of our ersatz urban core, so relocating from a city where steelworkers moonlight as ballet dancers, the fine folks at Star-Kist should feel right at home.

And it's great news for Reston Town Center! They'll be in good company:

The property currently, or previously, hosted the likes of Google Inc., Appian and Rolls-Royce.

Maybe they'll add AES-128 encryption to those little keys that open the tuna cans. Synergy!

All in all, the Chicken of the Sea competitor is yet another feather in the cap of our elite Town Center overlords. No truth to the rumor that Reston’s lakes will become massive fisheries. And even less truth to the rumor that Freedom (Except for Parking and Photos) Drive will be renamed Cannery Row, the end.

Only in Reston: Cupcakery to Replace Toastery, Because Why Not

Here's a sentence we never thought we'd write, but was obviously preordained to appear on this filthy "web log" from the fateful day that the midscale Macaroni Grill closed its doors: A cupcakery is replacing a toastery, only in a spot without artisanal paid parking smartphone apps. Give us some good food-as-entertainment blockquote, BFFs at Reston Now:

Red Velvet Cupcakery is coming back to Reston and is set to open later this summer. 

The well-known bakery that was formerly at Reston Town Center will open a new location at Reston Town Center West on Sunset Hills Road, owner Aaron Gordon tells Reston Now. 

It will share a kitchen with Little Beast Bistro, a sandwich and pizza concept also developed by Gordon, but much like the two do in Chevy Chase, D.C., they will have separate, distinct storefronts.

Red Velvet Cupcakery and Little Beast will be located at 12100 Sunset Hills Road, replacing Famous Toastery, which closed in March.

Actually, of all the upscale "concepts," Red Velvet was our favorite -- and the cupcakes were really good! -- so we're glad to see it back. It's also fun to have a business owner back who was a vocal opponent of Reston Town Center's paid parking, which he claims was part of property owners Boston Properties search for "hipper brands" and ultimately ended the cupcakery's profitability (say that three times fast):

“We did our best to fight paid parking in RTC and we are proud to have played a large role in forcing the owners to reduce the paid parking hours, which costs them tens of millions yearly,” Gordon said at the time. “We only regret we were unable to force them to scrap their greedy money-grab entirely.”

SAME. 

In conclusion, can't wait to have some artisanal cupcakes without having to drive to, wedunno, Georgetown or something. If they'd only open a combination saladary/axe-throwing establishment next door, we could make a weekend out of a trip to RTC West, the end.

Okay, Fine, We'll Do A Post About The Big Honkin' Boat (Updated)

As the big boat that launched a thousand memes continues to languish in the Suez Canal, here's some News You Can Use! Here's what the big boat might look like stranded in our own plastic fantastic planned community, thanks to this very helpful research tool:

Looks like Lake Anne would make a nice storage spot for the big boat, with enough room left over for the booze barges to circle around it.

We'd like to see RTC's elite parking/photo enforcement squad put a bumblebee on this. At the same time, squeezing the big boat parallel to Freedom (Except for Parking and Photos) Drive would result in a complete disruption of our fragile supply chain for fancy cellular telephones and $60 tubes of makeup.

Finally, RNGC's owners haven't (yet) been able to convince the county to let them build condos on the golf course, but do you need a special use permit to store a slightly distressed big boat next to one of the fairways? As an added bonus, the big boat's staggering height would likely bounce sliced balls back onto the green, the end.

Update: Another addition, courtesy of Confidential Restonian Operative "Pedro" from the Facebooks:

Just think -- a container ship right next to the Container Store! Might be helpful for those times the walk-in closest is too full to shove everything into a couple of $40 plastic shoe boxes.

Reston’s 420’ Tower Is Apparently Good For A Different Kind of High

We recently noted that Reston’s tallest building, going up near the future Reston Town Center Metro station, topped out at 420 (heh) feet. Man, we haven’t laughed that hard since someone lent us a Cheech and Chong cassette back in middle school!

But it turns out there’s a different kind of high that the building may be offering. On Saturday night, a Confidential Restonian Operative driving on the Dulles Toll Road witnessed someone BASE jumping off the top of the under-construction building, parachuting to a (hopefully) safe landing somewhere near where Targetville once stood.

It’s happened round these here parts before, when one of the tallest buildings in the Emerald City Paris Tysons Corner was under construction, and there’s video to prove it. We’ve been scouring the YouTubes and the TikToks and all the other social medias the kids love so much to see if someone’s posted similar grainy GoPro videos of the Reston jump, but so far, nothing. Someone hit up your friendly neighborhood “web logger,” as the kids haven’t said in quite some time, the end.

Reston Town Center Clamps Two Major Tenants As Mauvescraper Tops Out at 420 (Heh) Feet

Cancel the quarterly shipment of weighted blankets for the elite crisis management team at Reston Town Center, because after a continuing spot of not-so-great news, our favorite plastic fantastic fake downtown is BACK, BABY!

In the last few weeks, RTC owner Boston Properties has announced two major bits of tenant news. First, Volkswagen announced it is moving its U.S. headquarters from Herndon to the fancy new high rises that are extending RTC's footprint south to the Toll Road and soon(ish)-to-open Metro station. And Microsoft is planning to add to its previously announced 400,000 square foot expansion with another 45,000 square feet at its existing space at Two Discovery Square, that building across the footbridge from the rest of RTC.

It's all good news for RTC and its massive, 1.1 million square foot expansion, which was once called Reston Gateway and whose largest 420-foot (heh) mauvescraper topped out last week. Skyscraper nerds will likely dispute this, but that makes it the second tallest structure in the region, after the Washington Monument and the Capital One Tower in Tysons. Pre-leasing for the new phase of RTC, anchored by Fannie Mae, is now at 85 percent, according to the Washington Business Journal.

These big lease announcements are definitely going against the grain of the pandemic and predictions that office space needs could be permanently altered going forward. Boston Properties itself estimates that its census is still "well under 15 percent" in Northern Virginia, even after more stringent restrictions were lifted earlier in the year. And, of course, retail activity hasn't exactly been on fire at RTC of late.

But Volkswagen? A big f-in deal, as the man who may or may not be our future president, depending on what you hear on Twitter, once said. And there's absolutely no truth to the rumor that this is Boston Properties' top-secret new business model for RTC:

1. Sign lease with VW, which makes cars
2. People buy cars
3. People drive cars to Reston Town Center and pay to park
4. PROFIT!!!!!

Day of the Dead: Chainpocalypse Now As Best Buy Closes

Confidential Restonian Operative "Quinn" sends along this cellular telephone photo of signage being removed from the Reston Best Buy at the Graveyard of Macaroni Grills and Bookstores Spectrum Center. 

Pour one out, as the kids haven't said for at least a decade, for yet another midscale chain store closing. The purveyor of $39 DVD players and, wedunno, smart dishwashers and superfluous service agreements? -- closed Oct. 31 after opting not to renew its lease. 

Given the ongoing decline of big box stores and the fact that the entire sprawly Spectrum complex (save for the part with Harris Teeter at the other end) has been approved for redevelopment, who knows what -- if anything -- will take its place. Maybe the neighboring Container Store can expand into the now-vacant space and become Containers, Bed, Bath, Books, Pets, Coffee, Lumber, Banking, and Beyond, the end.

Wagyupocalypse Now: Despite Efforts to Attract Elite Retailers, Balducci’s Couldn't Make RTC Work

The whole, you know, global-pandemic-leading-to-massive-layoffs-and-maybe-another-great-depression thing has made harping about paid parking at Reston's plastic fantastic playground for the elite a bit boring and petty. But the news this week that Balducci’s Food Lover Market, the only grocery store that makes Whole Foods look like a purveyor of surplus government cheese cost-wise, is leaving Reston Town Center after being sued for (allegedly) not paying rent since December still evokes a bit of plaguenfreude.

We mean, the whole premise of RTC's strategy, such as it is, has been to position our Fake Downtown as an elite destination -- and attract more upscale midscale chain retail. But if a place selling $250/lb kobe steak and $40 bottles of olive oil can't make it there, can it make it anywhere? (The answer is yes—demonstrably more elite Bethesda and McLean, where Balducci's will still maintain stores and the Reston employees will be transferred).

To be fair to our Fake Downtown overlords, there is the whole plague thing going on. And Balducci’s had tried to make a go of Reston before -- in the demonstrably less elite spot where Petsmart now stands. And our betters can still drive in from "Great" Falls to get their kobe steak fix from Morton's, we guess. But it's going to be hard to find yet another nail salon to fill yet another roughly 20,000 square feet of vacant space.

In conclusion, pour one out for Balducci’s, and by "one" we mean a $140 bottle of Veuve Clicquot. And us non-elite folk can take some comfort from this: RTC's lawsuit said it was keeping Balducci's security deposit, just like the crisis-management-team-free landlords we've all had to deal with in our own lives always tried to do. $189,244.33 would pay for a lot of nail holes in the walls, the end.

A Weekend of Peaceful Protest in Reston

It was quite a weekend.

Great day in Reston!#SamouraiLoafers pic.twitter.com/HXFn3mLmOk

— Le Samouraï (@samourailoafers) June 8, 2020

RESTON, VA. pic.twitter.com/ZMdGXgJkK1

— ”👑 Jota Bo” (@KingBo_22) June 8, 2020

Reston brought it tonight!! 2000 people lined Reston Pkwy and then marched! Passing cars had signs in the windows & honked nonstop!! #BlackLivesMatter #restonstrong pic.twitter.com/xlAK7JtlNG

— Shyamali Roy Hauth (@ShyamaliHauth) June 8, 2020

Reston VA #BlackLivesMatter #RTC #Reston #BLM pic.twitter.com/RhFu3w2LsK

— lavasili4 (@lavasili4) June 8, 2020

Outside my apartment just now in Reston, Virginia#BLM #Reston pic.twitter.com/p1kv1uSuGp

— Jet 🏌️‍♂️🏀🎮 (@GMNChampion) June 8, 2020

Reston brought it tonight!! 2000 people lined Reston Pkwy and then marched! Passing cars had signs in the windows & honked nonstop!! #BlackLivesMatter #restonstrong pic.twitter.com/xlAK7JtlNG

— Shyamali Roy Hauth (@ShyamaliHauth) June 8, 2020

The biggest surprise of all? Reston Town Center allowed protesters to peacefully march through their private property, perhaps in response to some bad PR.

Peaceful protest at Reston Town Center! #BlackLivesMatter pic.twitter.com/iDOJNIFxZ8

— Karen Haldeman-Clark (@kahclark1) June 8, 2020

In response, we'll spare everyone the joke that this was the biggest crowd in RTC since the introduction of the iPhone 4.

The Reston zeitgeist, in one photo:

A peaceful, multiracial crowd... and kitties.

More photos here.

Elsewhere in Reston...

And our favorite paramilitary organization was back at it again:

In Reston, for George. @RestonOnline @GerryConnolly @abuddy @WalterAlcornFFX @fairfaxcounty pic.twitter.com/P1ORa5wwYG

— Chalk Hooligans (@ChalkHooligans) June 7, 2020

Corporate Overreactions And Nextdoor Panic: The Reston Riots That Never Were

Quick question for the elite crisis managers at Reston Town Center. Was this:

Absolutely necessary for this?

It's not like Wednesday's Black Lives Matter protesters were allowed to march at RTC, as like lots of the "public" spaces we think are ours to freely navigate it is private property and previous protesters, journalists, and just regular folks have been chased off for far less. Instead the group -- a diverse gathering about 30 strong or so, escorted by several county police officers on bicycles -- marched to Lake Anne Plaza, where despite the myriad temptations, widescale looting of pretzels and artisanal scones and dog treats notably did not happen.

Then folks on Nextdoor heard cars beeping later in the day and freaked out, not realizing it was the South Lakes High School drive-by graduation. (Nice pictures here, by the way.)

To be fair, we did see some serious vandalism in the wake of the march. Look away, ye faint of heart:

Since this is Reston, that last one probably stands for "All Clusters Are Beige." And lord, do we act like it sometimes.