Well, 2023 has departed not with a bang, but the quiet whisper of a jet-age air conditioning system possibly shutting down forever, or even more dramatically, going co-op. But somehow, this filthy "web log" is still cranking along on little more than tepid lake water and dreams after all these years, so it's time yet again for the Official Restonian On Your Side News You Can Use I-Team List of What's In and What's Out for 2024 (tm). Accept no substitutes!
Seizing the means of production (of tepid lake water), or crossing fingers for an unseasonably cool spring, summer, fall, Indian summer, and that one week in late January where everyone wears shorts
This fancy map from Fairfax County, which has made the rounds in recent weeks, is causing a bit of consternation in our otherwise tranquil planned community. Part of a response to questions posed by the Reston Association about exactly how many places we might expect awesome bollardy residential development if the county goes ahead with its long-desired plan to increase zoning limits through much of Reston, it turns out the answer is "25," if only because Fairfax County ran out of letters to use on their fancy map except for "Z," which apparently stands for Zoning, Massive Re-. Check the fancypants chart below:
All told, the county says that 8,189 residential units have been planned or approved in the Orange Bollard Zones in that fancy map, with another 14,103 units biding their time in the planning pipeline awaiting the construction of sufficient infrastructure to accommodate all those new Restonians and their Ford Foci. Oops, that was a typo, silly rabbits, because in county planners' minds, none of those new residents will need cars, because they'll just hop on the Metro at Wiehle and go one stop to Reston Town Center to enjoy their midscale chain eatery fare and stick it to the paid parking regime at our favorite "stressful, city-like shopping center," leaving the rest of us non transit-oriented flatlanders with beautiful, congestion-free streets to get our woonerf on.
Makes sense, except for one little thing: When you look at that fancy map, most of the Orange Bollard Danger Zones are well out of the concentric rings around the Metro stations that suggest how far people might be willing to walk. Some are part of the revisioning of big box nirvana and Macaroni Grill graveyard Reston Spectrum into mixed-use awesomeness that will extend Reston Town Center northward, and Lake Anne... well, we know how well that worked out the last time around. The rest, for the most part, are concentrated in and around the village centers -- developments like the CGI granny-infested plans at Tall Oaks, now approved and awaiting construction to begin in earnest, as well as all our other favorite strip mall locales.
That's not exactly new. Redeveloped, more dense and mixed-usey village centers have been part of the plan for ages. And beyond the green zones that RA controls, there's been talk about building apartments above Plaza America for years to draw the lucrative fans of mass transit and glitter guns from Michaels. And it definitely makes sense to concentrate development around the village centers -- if done right, it could make them more vibrant, less generic and strip-mally, maybe. We could even get a Wegmans! But it flies in the face of the idea that we can wait on infrastructure improvements.
So as the county continues making its plans, the Reston Citizens Association, Reston 2020 and Reclaim Reston are holding an informational meeting tomorrow to explain the proposal in better, less alarmist detail than, say, a filthy "web log" might. It's at 7pm at the Reston Association headquarters and you might want to check it out, as the kids could conceivably have said back in the '70s.
As for the RA, they created this fancy YouTube video explaining the issues:
Next Monday, the 25th, the county will hold its own public meeting at 7pm at Lake Anne Elementary. It's hard to say what the listening vs. developmentsplaning ratio will wind up being, but efforts to push back on development already have had some impact. The original plans for the zoning change were to have the county board of supervisors vote on this next month. Now it's looking like February. Maybe there's still time to speed up the timetable for infrastructure development now that the Very Special Tax District is in place and bringing in some ducats for the county. Crazier things have happened.
Buckle up, folks. It's going to be a bumpy ride -- at least when traffic is actually moving, the end.
Dear Leader recently told one of the fancy printed out "web logs" newspapers serving our community about the ten places in Reston he'd show an out-of-town guest. They include various brutalist pieces of art like Lake Anne's concrete boat and pyramid, examples of mixed-use and cluster development, and appropriately, the Embry Rucker homeless shelter, the Nature House, and RCC's Center Stage -- all unique things about our beloved earth-toned community. He even calls Fountain Square in the Fake Downtown gritty urban core "a perfect example of a plaza." Just don't tell these folks!
We sincerely like Mr. Simon's list. Of course, our own Restonian Top 10 might be just a little different. For the second time in as many weeks, roust Kasey Kasem from his money pile of Scooby Doo residuals, because we're counting them down, and the earth-toned hits don't stop until we get to the top!
10. The Metal Bob statue. Modesty surely kept Mssr. Simon from mentioning what is seriously a nice, human-scaled tribute to the man that built this city.
9. The Great Hole of Reston, better known as the Reston Station construction site. Soon fanciful concrete bollards will watch over the site like the statues of Easter Island, confounding tourists and commuters alike.
4. The Green Forest Nudist Colony, Reston's original Lost Colony, Colonial Williamsburg, and Moulin Rouge all rolled into one.
3. The Apple Store, Gap, Unos, and all the other unique boutiques that can only be found in our Gritty Urban Core (and the 10,000 other MSAs/DMAs that meet the appropriate demographic and psychographic metrics, as well as ample off-street parking).
1. The Macaroni Grill. Was there any doubt on this one? Like Venice, people simply need to see it before it sinks beneath the waves is converted into a mixed-use wonderland, the end.
Tempting fate once too often with a shirt in a borderline DRB-acceptable white, our native son Dan Jensen loses on his fourth Jeopardy appearance. The reigning champ faces fierce competition from fellow contestants Justin from Canada and Sally, who lives in a nun-run residence in New York City (one imagines the good Sisters hovering over poor cowering Sally, wielding their WMD/weapon of merciless discipline yardsticks as she crams for tonight's appearance: "Faster on the signaling device! Study harder! Pick up the pace!"). Sally takes a $6,400 lead over Dan at the end of round one, and keeps pouring it on in the second round, as does Justin. While Dan does well in the category of brand logos -- perhaps too much time spent in our awesome midscale retail outlets at RTC? -- he ends the second round in last place with $12,400. All three contestants correctly deduce that Jackson Pollock is the correct answer in Final Jeopardy, but Sally bets big and ends up champ at $33,601, with Justine second at $25,300 and Dan third at $14,601.
But we salute Dan for a game well played and for a great run while it lasted. You make us proud, Dan, to call ourselves Restonians.
That, courtesy of our Chief Game Show Correspondent, The Peasant From Less Sought After South Reston.
Jensen walked away from the experience with $72,804. Not too shabby. And for the Dan Jensens of the world, there's this:
Update: If there's one thing we don't know, it's the rules about losing on Jeopardy:
As I recall, and as listed in Wikipedia's Jeopardy entry, third place contestants win only $1,000 for their appearance that day, regardless of how much they win in the game itself, so Dan's grand total for the four days may be "only" $59,203.
Oh well, back to writing about DRB regulations.
If there was actually a game show about that, we'd have enough Turtle Wax to last a hundred lifetimes.
Our BFFs at Reston Patch did a nice interview with us, somehow managing to edit an hour-long, profanity-laced tirade about DRB-approved paint swatches and the Macaroni Grill into something resembling lucid thought. Good on them.
Here's one additional thought on the master plan process that got left on the cutting room floor:
There's been a lot of overheated and emotional dialogue on both sides of the master plan process, from people saying redevelopment is going to indiscriminately bulldoze existing residential neighborhoods and turn Reston into another Manhattan to those who openly mock any of the valid concerns people are raising about the impact of growth. The reality is that growth is going to come, whether any of us like it or not, and we should be focusing our energy on making sure it makes sense and doesn't result in a bunch of ugly, off-the-shelf architectural dreck crammed into spots that all but guarantee gridlock. We've got plenty of that to go around as it is.
So what have we learned in the year rapidly coming to a close? Besides how to use various combinations of the words "mauve," "awesome," and "design review board" to create a blog, that is. Here's a quick recap of the Important Life Lessons we've all learned in and around Reston this year.
• Residents interested in self-determination aren't principled. They're a bunch of radicals.
• In times of corporate uncertainty, don't pick up a copy of What Color is Your Parachute? Instead, rent Footloose.
• Forget cheerleading and band programs. There's no better gauge of a school's academic quality and/or desirability than whether its students play with Bratz.
• Tysons Corner is too beautiful to be marred by anything as crass as an above-ground rail line. And the closest thing to an Abraham Lincoln its fractious special interests have is a car salesman. It doesn't matter, anyway, 'cuz we've got tons more vacant office space than those prima donnas, anyway.
• Criminal tactics in Reston appear to be escalating from roving gangs armed with sticks to the weapons of mass destruction known as BB guns. Then again, these guys made a ton of collars this year, so it all evens out.
Thanks for your patronage, and see you in 2008. Until then, keep your feet on the ground, per the applicable Design Review Board regulations governing reaching for the stars.
Occasion had it that we had to travel into the wilds of Loudoun County, to a subdivision of elegant brick townhouses surrounded by… piles of dirt.
To be fair, this particular subdivision was nicer than most of the particleboard and vinyl shantytowns that pass for development in eastern Loudoun County. It even borrowed a few stray notes from the whole New Urbanism concept. The garages were relegated to outbuildings in the back, tastefully hidden from sight and leading into alleys that were actually called alleys. (How edgy! How urban!) You could conceivably walk to the massive strip mall under construction a short ways down the road, except that no businesses have opened there yet. A block in the heart of the subdivision had been left undeveloped and adorned with playground equipment, creating an effect vaguely suggestive of a New England village green.
It was a beautiful sunny day, unseasonably warm, and while walking down the narrow streets to the green space, you could almost imagine you were strolling down a tree-lined street of row houses in Georgetown. Except for a) the palpable lack of trees, b) the shabby, indifferent way the electric meters were bolted at eye level to the front of each home, and c) the nonstop sound of earthmovers carving out space for identical townhomes just blocks away. And then there was the complete, utter absence of people. We walked the length of the subdivision and sat in the green space for a half-hour during the late afternoon, and didn’t see a soul. Of course, this being Loudoun County, there were tons of cars parked everywhere in sight.
What was lacking in human activity was made up for by For Sale signs--dozens of them, each more desperate looking than the next. “Buy Me!” one said plaintively. Many added the ominous word “Foreclosure” to the cat-bird spot at the top of the sign usually reserved for such teasers as “I’m Beautiful Inside!” or, in happier times, “Under Contract.” A sign taped to the window of one home for sale warned that it had already been winterproofed, urging Realtors not to turn on the water or flush the toilet on the off chance they had someone to show the home to before spring rolls around.
Then, as we were sitting in the deserted green space, we finally saw movement. Two Loudoun County sheriff department cars pulling up to a townhouse whose furniture had been disgorged to the curb. An honest to goodness foreclosure! Of course, neither the foreclosers nor the foreclosees were anywhere to be seen, so the deputies settled for getting out of their cars and milling around for a few minutes before driving away. No lights, no sirens. Just another day as part of Loudoun’s Special Foreclosures Unit, we guess.
Then it was time to walk back through the deserted, faux-urban streets to our car and drive home. For some reason, the phrase “nuclear winter” kept flitting through our heads. Somehow, it fit.
It’s true: There are worse things than mauve earth tones and DRB regulations.
In the second of our installments explaining the wonders of Reston, we look to our friendly neighbor to the west, Herndon. An honest-to-goodness town with its own mayor and police and stuff that are apparently the envy of our Pinocchios who want to be real boys, it's clearly different. Drive under the Fairfax County Parkway, and Baron Cameron road becomes Elden Street. And there's more! Mauve earth tones give way to regular strip malls and subdivisions! They have 7-11s! And a non-fake downtown! And an interesting political climate!
Clearly, Herndon is the anti-Reston(tm), though in truth you're more likely to see Evil Spock-style goatees in Reston(tm). But in case you're confused, this handy chart should help:
One of the things you quickly learn about Reston(tm) is that there's more than one Reston. Not in the John Edwards "Two Americas" sense (though that's certainly true as well), but in the longstanding "my mom warned me to stay away from the bad side of town" sense.
What's funny about this is that we're not talking about a large urban area, but a tree-lined planned development that never had an industrial core, never had a neighborhood of tenements or grand houses broken up into apartments, and never had a skid row (except maybe for the old Hunters Woods shopping center, better known as the Retail Complex of the Damned). We're talking about a large real estate development, right down to the golf courses in the middle of it. Still, it's always fun to perpetuate stereotypes, so let's jump on in, with the help of the handy map at right.
1. North Reston. The newest and least Restony part of Reston. There's little of the contemporary 70s architecture, fewer darkish earth tones. If you closed your eyes in some neighborhoods, you could be in a generic Ashburn suburb, only with a few more trees. Often considered the most desirable part of Reston, with the "good" schools (the ones named after astronauts), even though it has the least in common with the rest of Reston.
2. Middle Earth. The oldest part of Reston, which was built outward from Lake Anne. Originally populated by various 60s antidisestablishmentarians who, being the first people in the country to buy townhouses that, strictly speaking, weren't even remotely near towns, must have been smoking something. It still has more of a funky vibe than the rest of Reston. The area's architectural excesses, both good and bad, are concentrated here.
3. Reston Town Center (tm). Home to both Reston's Fake Downtown (which, like Disney's Main Street USA, seems built to 7/8th scale) and a godawful succession of strip malls and condos. But hey -- there's a Macaroni Grill(tm)!
4. South Reston. For various reasons, folks in other parts of Reston find South Reston "scary." There are "projects" there, and "gangs," too. (All of which is true, but there's also crime and low-income housing elsewhere in Reston, even within a stone's throw of the aforementioned Macaroni Grill(tm) and $750,000 condos in RTC.) We're not exactly talking southside here, peeps.
5. Here there be dragons. Herndon -- or as I call it, the "anti-Reston." More on this anon.
Welcome to Restonian, a blog about all things Reston (tm). Warts and all.
But what, you may ask, is Reston (tm)? For the definitive answer, let us point you to the introduction to the seminal work, Reston: The First 20 Years.
For a long time, Reston was an idea, a plan, a dream. It would be a place, said the planners and dreamers, where people would be able to work where they lived. The countryside would co-exist with the city, with ducks and geese parading past the stores and townhouses lining the manmade lakes, and trails leading from apartments to glades of trees. Reston would not only be a new town, but a new way of living.
Shorter version, set to music:
You may say that I'm a dreamer Well, I'm not the only one I hope someday you'll join us And adhere to cluster regulations on the placement of recycling bins in or near carport areas.
Green space. Conformist architectural noncomformity. Lots of earth tones. The Macaroni Grill (RIP)! Covering the New Town (tm) of Reston (tm) like invasive English Ivy since 2007, a look at what's doing in our favorite plastic fantastic planned community, warts and all.
Flashbacks:
The RNGC Caddyshackpocalypse
Bollards!
That's not exactly new. Redeveloped, more dense and mixed-usey village centers have been 
9. The 
3. The Apple Store, Gap, Unos, and all the other unique boutiques that can only be found in our Gritty Urban Core (and the 10,000 other MSAs/DMAs that meet the appropriate demographic and psychographic metrics, as well as ample off-street parking).
Dan Jensen, we hardly knew ye:
Our BFFs at Reston Patch did a nice 
In the second of our installments explaining the wonders of Reston, we look to our friendly neighbor to the west, Herndon. An honest-to-goodness town with its own mayor and police and stuff that are apparently the envy of our 
