This week in crime: When sticks are outlawed...

Quite possibly the most pathetic attempted robbery at Hunters Woods Plaza to date:

HUNTERS WOODS PLAZA,2300 block, 6 p.m. Sept. 30. A 32-year-old man on a bicycle passed a group of three males and a female on a path, and one pushed him against a utility box. The males, armed with sticks, robbed the bicyclist of his cellphone. The bicyclist obtained a stick of his own, and they fled.

Just remember: When sticks are outlawed, only outlaws will have sticks.