On Soapstone, Crime Pays (in Paint)

While perusing the Face Books, somewhere between a post from someone we sat next to one time in a grade school assembly and a 1,000-word rant about a restaurant visit gone bad, we noticed that an intrepid member of the Reston Herndon Community Group posted this lovely cellular telephone photo of the Soapstone 7-11, which apparently appears to have some... inventory control issues.  But is it just toothless corporate boilerplate? Let's find out:

Unless that's a display case for some product in throwback 1980s packaging, apparently not, so be warned if you're looking for a five-finger discount on a cord of wood or a case of bottled water, the end.

Okay, Fine, Die Hard Is A Christmas Movie (At Least In Reston)

 
This shocking photo of the exciting "civic plaza" at Reston Station shared earlier this week by a vigilant, only possibly skydiving photographer on the Face Books, uncannily resembles a much-memed 80s cinema classic. If only there was a wise-cracking cop on the edge, international terrorists, and bumbling FBI agents to enliven what was probably a pretty scary scene, the end. 

Law & Order SFU: Special Fixtures Unit

 

Behold this scene of carnage along one of Reston's otherwise idyllic paths, where a grisly crime scene has been encircled by police tape. Not for the faint of heart.

The victim: An incandescent street trail light, age 57, height 11'1", 175 pounds. No identifying marks.

Motive: Unknown. An unapproved tree removal? Unpaid electric bills? A jealous EV charger?

In Reston, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Fixtures Unit. These are their stories.

OK Google, Ask Jeeves To Bing.Com About "BASE Jumping Off Tall Buildings in Reston" (Updated)

A Nextdoor Neighbor dot com post reported a police helicopter flying overhead amid "gunshots" yet another incident where someone has taken a flying leap off a tall building in our plastic fantastic planned community on Wednesday night -- only this time, it was the one whose corners don't meet at 90-degree angles. Give us some good blockquote, Nextdoor user "Noel:"

I was southbound on Wihele Avenue passing the Google building when something out the corner of my eye caught my attention. I looked over and a parachutist landed directly in the parking area in front of the Marymount University Reston Center. I yelled at my buddy to check it out and luckily my windows were down and sunroof open and he was able to witness the same perfect standup landing not 50 feet from the roadway that I did. I said “Holy S! Did you just see that? Where did he come from?” To my relief, he said he just witnessed the same thing I did. How could he have jumped out of a plane? Did he BASE jump off one of the cranes? 

"I hadn’t consumed any alcohol over dinner. I had a chef salad for Chrissake," "Noel" adds.

Regular visitors to this web log (haha, as if this blog is updated regularly) may remember a similar eyewitness account back in ought-twenty, when a Toll Road driver saw someone jumping from the then-new 420' (heh) mauvescraper in Reston Town Center.  (We have it on good authority that said eyewitness had not consumed any 420-themed product over dinner that evening, but we're not sure whether a chef salad was involved.)

Neither jump was captured on video so far as we know, but a similar jump off the Lumen building in Tysons drew attention and maybe an arrest.

So many questions! Apparently, the Google building is 330 feet tall, and BASE jumping requires a minimum drop of 300 feet. How do we know this? Someone Googled it, the end.

Update: Video of the jump has surfaced, albeit on Facebook (LOL). Looks like the jumper leapt off a crane, not the polygon:

That's one way to cross Wiehle!

Soapstone Speeders Sought for Slick Shots: Reston Speed Camera Goes Live

V. v. exciting news for people who travel at exactly the speed limit in the left lane with their turn signal on: Fairfax County's fun new speed camera trial went live today, with one of its cameras trained directly on a major South Reston thoroughfare. That's right, the Reston camera is on Soapstone Drive, near Terraset Elementary School. No word if it's also buried halfway underground with just the top of the lens sticking out. 

Anyhoo! Give us some good happy motoring blockquote, BFFs at Reston Patch:

Friday was the first day the photo monitoring devices were activated as part of a pilot program to improve pedestrian safety and save lives by changing motorists' driving habits.

Hunter Mill District Supervisor Walter Alcorn originally introduced the measure to develop a speed camera program for school and work zones in the county, during the Dec. 7, 2021 board of supervisors meeting. The board voted unanimously to adopt the measure, which was cosponsored by Supervisors John Foust (Dranesville) and Rodney Lusk (Franconia).

For the first 30 days, ticketed drivers will only receive a warning, but after that fines start mounting quickly for repeat offenders. Fairfax County is only placing these near schools and in work zones (for now), so it's hard to complain about Big Gubmint attacking our Freedoms, especially since at least two Fairfax County students have lost their lives due to speeding drivers in the past year. We do wonder, though, if the Reston speed camera will be able to tell the difference between Terraset and some of the cars on the road:

At Lake Anne, Reminders of Reston's First Murder, a 50-Year-Old Cold Case

Last weekend, a series of signs were hung from the top of the Van Gogh Bridge near Lake Anne reminding passersby of Reston's first homicide, the strangling death of 17-year-old Gwen Ames in 1972. "Still no suspect? How come, FCPD?" the signs asked.

A Herndon High School junior, Ames was murdered early in the morning on June 4, 1972, walking home to Waterview Cluster from a dance held at Lake Anne Plaza as part of a weekend-long celebration of Reston's birthday. Our BFFs at Reston Patch published a timeline and other details in 2021.

The Ames family was one of the first to move to Reston, and her mother remained active in the community until her death in 2016, including playing a key role in the Embry Rucker homeless shelter.

The cold case is still open and posted on FCPD's website; one other murder from the same year was resolved in 2020.  Ames' cousin told Patch last year that the family still wants closure:

[Carol] Hertle-Sena reached out recently to FCPD's Cold Case Unit and spoke to the detective in charge of the case. She wanted him to know that despite the passage of time, Gwen Ames had family who are still waiting for answers.

"We still care. We still want to know what happened to her," she said. "Who did this? Somebody out there must know something, maybe the person that did it. Maybe he or she is long gone, but there has to be somebody in that area still. I just wanted him to know that her family up here in New York still thinks about her. We still care. We want closure."

It's not clear who posted the signs, which were quickly taken down. But (cue true crime podcast voice) the mystery remains unsolved. Information about submitting tips about this and other cold cases to Fairfax County Police is available here. 

Meanwhile To Our East, A Different Kind Of Viva Vienna

We're just a short spandex-clad bike ride from our earth-toned neighbor to our east, Vienna -- where the business district is filled with buildings painted such a narrow range of beiges and browns they make the DRB (hunter) green with envy. But who knew it was a haven of the kind of behavior you'd expect from a tawdry singles group -- or the aforementioned DRB meetings?

Here's the latest from the police blotter:

A resident contacted the police on May 23 after seeing “a man without clothes get inside a hot tub.”

The unwanted encounter occurred around 11 a.m. that day while the resident was walking his dog on the Washington & Old Dominion Trail past the 400 block of Fellini Court SE.

“Officers responded to the residence where the hot tub was located and spoke to the homeowner about the incident,” police said.

Talk about Viva Vienna! Although, to be fair, the aforementioned spandex-wearing folks on the W&OD don't leave much more to the imagination, the end.

All Your BASE Belong to Us: Any Connection to Mystery of Reston's 420' (Heh) Jump?

Everyone is agog at the v. v. exciting news that a 70-year-old grandfather was charged this week in connection with a series of BASE jumping incidents from the tops of under-construction skyscrapers in Tysons Corner and elsewhere in Fairfax County over the past few years.

The person involved has denied any involvement, but all we can say is good on whoever it was -- we certainly hope to be doing more productive things than "web logging" when we hit 70. And we'll just point out that someone made a daring 420 (heh) foot jump off Reston's newest mauvescraper last November, a sign of hope and daring during a time of plague. 

We'll stress, of course, that no one has made any link between that incident and the ones discussed in recent news coverage, and that charges do not equate to convictions.  We wouldn't want to jump to conclusions, after all.

Here's an Action McNews segment, if you're into such things:

   

Someone Painted Swastikas All Over North Point. Then Something Good Happened.

As if nothing else was on people's minds these days, we awoke yesterday to the news that someone spray painted swastikas all over North Point Village Center in Reston -- albeit poorly. Many appeared backwards, and something that might have been an attempt at a star of David turned out like a regular five-point star you'd get on a third-grade worksheet, so um, let's just say that maybe these folks aren't exactly accustomed to being rewarded for their intellectual efforts and leave it at that.

But we digress. You can find photos of the hateful graffiti elsewhere, but instead of giving these folks any more attention, we'll share how people responded, including what's turning out to be our own paramilitary tagging operation:

Vandals spraypainted swastikas on the sidewalk at North Point Shopping Center in Reston. The Hooligans showed up to cover it with love. @KenPlum1 @GerryConnolly @RestonOnline @fairfaxcounty @GovernorVA pic.twitter.com/CCCR6WRXmS

— Chalk Hooligans (@ChalkHooligans) May 21, 2020

Hate came to Reston Virginia yesterday but the Chalk Hooligans showed up to cover it with love. Hate has no home here. #ChooseLove @KenPlum1 @GerryConnolly @RestonOnline @fairfaxcounty @GovernorVA pic.twitter.com/qkPaS3X9nO

— Chalk Hooligans (@ChalkHooligans) May 21, 2020

A group of neighbors bought lunch for the workers who cleaned the spray paint and left a sign that read: "We are Reston Strong! Hate has no place here!"

"Reston and the Hunter Mill District have a long history of inclusion and racial and ethnic diversity," Hunter Mill District Supervisor Walter Alcorn said in a statement. "Acts of hate will not be tolerated. And vandalism and hate crimes are both criminal acts. Throughout this pandemic we have witnessed tremendous community spirit and goodness and I am confident that will continue."

To the authors of this sign, the workers who removed spray-painted swastikas from the North Point Village Center, and to all who are working to bring their communities closer together during difficult times: I'm grateful for you. Hate has no place here. https://t.co/kKmf5CPi1A pic.twitter.com/5Xtv4OsQsB

— Tim Kaine (@timkaine) May 20, 2020

Love > Hate.

Decade-Old Blog Joke Comes Weirdly True as RA Fined For Child Labor Law Violations

Way back in ought-nine, when the Reston Association was planning on moving to is then-new headquarters, an intrepid investigative journalist (who are we kidding, it was us) discovered what was a SHOCKING detail in the floorplans: a "kids area," where we jokingly (or "jokingly") imagined that an army of child laborers would be put to work filing away all the paperwork that necessitated the costly move from RA's old headquarters in the first place.

As with other wacky memes that somehow came true in horrific this-entire-universe-is-a-twisted-simulation fashion, a decade later we discover the RA is being fined for child labor law violations, according to our BFFs at Reston Now. Wait, what?

The state fined Reston Association $12,000 for violating child labor laws late last year.

The state’s Department of Labor and Industry issued fines in October 2018 after an investigation found “numerous violations” regarding minors employed as aquatics attendants or lifeguards, according to an August 2018 inspection report obtained by Reston Now.

Kudos to our Reston Now BFFs for moving beyond wacky polls to do this weird, decidedly non "web log" thing called "journalism," or at least "listening to people who email them with axes to grind but with valid documentation to back up their gripes." We'll have to check that out some day!

But we digress. You would think that would explain why the RA has had so much trouble with its swimming pools this year. You would think.

A source familiar with the state’s labor law investigation and on-boarding of lifeguards, however, said that part of the reason for delays in opening the pools was because lifeguards did not have required safety certifications to begin working — an issue that was spotted by administrative staff “far too late” once pools were already scheduled to open. Certifications were expired or still in the process of being received, the source said.

From leaky lake houses to weighing in on development to, um, child labor fines, "far too late" is starting to sound like an appropriate replacement slogan for "Live, Work, Play," the end.

This May Be A Job For The Fashion Police

You may hate this Pringles-loving armed robber that brought the police helicopter and K-9 crews to the otherwise placid shores of Lake Anne last Wednesday night, but you gotta love his shoes and 80s-style Swatch sensibility.

With BB Gun, A Previously Unthought-Of Interpretation of 'Get Involved'

When the Reston Association coined the phrase "Live. Work. Play. Get Involved," this probably wasn't what they had in mind:

Metal pellets from a BB gun were aimed at a Reston Association official’s Reston home on Sunday night, police confirmed.

Sometime late Sunday night, a shooter shot at the front and back deck of the home, according to a report filed with Fairfax County Police.

The unnamed RA official told Reston Now that they were "concerned that the shooting was done by someone in the community 'who has an issue' with Reston Association." If true, that's pretty frightening. There's obviously plenty to be less than thrilled about when it comes to the management of our groovy homeowners association of late, but this is scary.

Before we pick up our pitchforks (or department store-accessible firearms), let's maybe make sure that all the seats on the RA board are actually contested (for a change). Or show up to an RA meeting (and hope they let you speak). Or write some trenchant comments on your favorite news site or filthy "web log." Trust us, you'll feel much better! Or maybe visit the local zoo, which now has 100 percent fewer wallaby drownings. Or maybe go to a dairy and learn how milk is made. Any of these seem like better options than pulling a Ralphie, the end.

UFO Shocker: The Truth (And That Missing Golf Cart) Is Out There

Ufo in Reston? @RestonPatch @RestonTwnCenter @Reston pic.twitter.com/1lS8KTJL7f

— Melvin Skolnick (@SkolnickM) October 20, 2015

Confidential Twitter Operative "Melvin" shared this terrifying photo of yet another unidentified flying object, which by our dead reckoning appears to be hovering menacingly right above our primary source of plastic receptacles. THIS AGGRESSION TO OUR SENSIBLE DANISH SHELVING MUST NOT STAND.

Since it was spotted over a part of Reston that falls beyond the purview of the DRB, we can safely conclude this UFO is most likely not a rogue element of the RA's fearsome drone army. But county police scrambled their helicopter yesterday in a search for a missing golf cart in the neighborhoods around the Reston National Golf Course, only to come up empty handed.

Could this affront be enough to risk unveiling the most secret surveillance device available to man (or HOA) to make sure that someone isn't using the still-missing cart to do donuts in the Best Buy parking lot until its batteries run out? Signs point to.... maybe!

Words To Live By

Good advice. Between this gentleman and some unpleasantness at the South Lakes Safeway last week, it's been a fairly pervy couple of weeks in Reston. We'd blame it on the Metro, as people do, but it seems to be a common rite of spring, if not summer, round these here parts, the end.

The Black Hole of NoVa: Reston's Lack of Lighting Can Be Seen From Space

There's been a lot of handwringing of late that the Metro has brought with it food trucks annoying creative class hipsters undesirables crime to our beloved earth-toned community, even though the facts have a clearly pro-mass transit bias. But now our county supervisor has, as they say in the movies, a plan:

Reston may soon be getting some more street lights, according to Fairfax County Supervisor Cathy Hudgins (D-Hunter Mill). 

On May 28, Hudgins addressed the issue during a meeting held at the Reston Community Center at Hunters Woods by Fairfax County Police who were addressing a recent rash of vehicle break-ins in Reston’s Hunters Woods neighborhood. 

At the meeting, among other measures, police addressed Reston’s lack of nighttime lighting as a potential issue for crime prevention. 

“Reston is very dark,” said assistant commander Lance Schaible of the Reston District police station. “Our helicopter pilot calls Reston ‘the big black hole in the northwest part of the county.’

An exaggeration? Our favorite correspondent, The Peasant From Less Sought After South Reston, looked to the skies for answers:

Anyhow, as I was intrigued by this comment, I used The Google to see if I could find a nighttime view from space of Reston to confirm this startling discovery, and, shazzam, lookee what I found! This view from the International Space Station of Northern Virginia taken on Inauguration day 2013 confirms we are indeed the black hole for the entire region:

Except for the comforting archipelago of midscale chain retail in the center of the circle, the Peasant is right--Reston is dark. Dark as... a golf-course hating insurance company's soul. Dark as... mauve in the moonlight. So is much of Fairfax County south of I-66, but there's no Metro there, so QED, no need to worry about crime. That's why folks in Centreville sleep with the doors and windows open and the keys in their ignitions.

Of course, Hunters Woods is not exactly a leisurely walk from the Metro station either. So maybe the fault lies not in the Silver Line, but in us, dear Brutus brutalists. Hunters Woods does have a disproportionate number of incidents -- the police say it's second only to the much more populated (and demonstrably gritty) Reston Town Center area in terms of crime in Reston.

Either way, we're stone cold getting more lighting. Maybe.

During the May 28 meeting in Reston, Hudgins said it was time to re-examine Reston’s lighting. 

“The Reston District police station is already strained, and the area is growing due to Metro,” she said. “With Metro here now, we have more people walking and riding bikes in Reston, and they want to do it at night. We need to figure out how to make it safer for them. It is a discussion we need to have. It is very dark here in Reston. I live one mile from the Metro station, and I don’t go out and walk at night myself.”

Why not just bathe all of Reston in high-wattage spotlights? Blame the hippies astronomers:

But there is a reason Reston traditionally has resisted additional outdoor lighting, and it partially has to do with an organization called the International Dark-Sky Association. They have been influencing outdoor lighting policy in Reston and Fairfax County for years. 

Founded in Tucson in 1988, the nonprofit association has about 5,000 members nationwide. Its mission is to protect night skies and natural starlight by educating individuals, private industry and government bodies about the effects of light pollution and “unfocused light emissions.” 

“We have some active people in this community that are part of Dark Sky,” Hudgins said. 

Jim Dougherty, president of the International Dark-Sky Association is based in Washington, D.C., and works on behalf of the organization. He says that there is a common misperception that more light at night deters crime. 

“There have been legitimate studies showing increased outdoor lighting actually increases crime,” he said. “Criminals need light to see.”

Sure they do, hippie. Everyone knows all you need to be a criminal is superhuman night vision and a Metro farecard!

Of course, there's nothing that reassures concerned residents quite like a police meeting that begins with actual police activity:

The meeting was attended by 60 or so residents. Just before it began, police said they recognized a “person of interest” in an ongoing criminal investigation in the lobby of the community center. A police officer excused himself from the panel to go question the person. “We are doing police work all the time,” joked Laura Redman, a crime prevention officer for the Reston District police station.

Did they ask if his SmartTrip balance was in the red?

Shoveling Snow and Walking Around Lakes: Two Great Reston Activities Now Conclusively Proven Dangerous To Your Well-Being

In the last week, we've learned that digging your car out of the snow can be hazardous to your health (at least when it's done at 2:15 in the morning). Give us some good blockquote that doesn't include approximately 900 racially tinged comments, BFFs at Reston Now:

A man was shoveling snow off his car in Reston when he was held up at gunpoint early on Friday, Fairfax County Police said.

The victim was shoveling out his car in the 11600 block of North Shore Road near the intersection of Clubhouse Road about 2:15 a.m. when he was approached by two men, he told police. The first suspect grabbed the victim and demanded property, but the victim resisted and a struggle occurred. During the struggle, the second suspect displayed a handgun, which allowed the first suspect to take property and cash, police said.

Fortunately, all that snow is (almost) gone, and it's starting to feel like spring. Maybe a nice relaxing walk around the lake will help calm the nerves. Wait now, what's this?


Confidential Restonian Operative "Cujo" has the "deets," as the kids haven't said for at least a few years now:

Fairfax Police have plastered these notices all over Lake Audubon in the hope that the brain-dead jogger who owns the dog can be found and the victim doesn't have to undergo rabies shots after being attacked this past Saturday.  Love the description of the owner as having "leash in hand".  News flash to Ms. Moron: the leash goes on the dog, not around your hand.  All too typical, unfortunately, of too many dog owners around here who have their dogs off-leash on the Reston trails because "my sweet little poochie would NEVER hurt anyone".

We're staying inside and hoping our lighting fixtures don't become sentient, the end.

Shocker: Bank Robbery Arrest Contradicts Common Metro Meme

It is a truth universally acknowledged that the arrival of a Metro station to a community, earth-toned or otherwise, brings with it undesirables crime. So it's hardly surprising that when four high-profile and unusually brazen bank robberies took place inside a couple of Reston grocery stores, at Reston Town Center, and on Reston Parkway over the holiday season, people happily crowedexpressed concern that this is exactly what happens when the Metro comes to town: HOT TAKE. There's some logic to it. After all, there have never been bank robberies in Reston before, not even ones with extremely athletic perpetrators who sweat the details. Pre-Metro, Reston was an idyllic place, where the only crimes were committed by canoe. And we all know that while you can't bring a cup of coffee on the Metro without getting the side-eye, folks wearing facemarks and carrying sacks of money or widescreen TVs are constantly jockeying for seats during rush hour. Right? Well, turns out that Fairfax police made an arrest today in two of December's bank robberies, and the alleged suspect is from DCPG County Reston. Wait, what?

Following a joint investigation with the Federal Bureau of Investigation, U.S. Marshal’s Service, and FCPD Robbery Section, detectives arrested a 30-year old Fairfax County man and have tied him to two area bank robberies in recent months. [The man] of Blueberry Lane in the Reston area faces bank robbery charges for crimes that took place on December 10 and 15, 2015. He was arrested at around noon on Wednesday, December 31 while leaving a friend’s home in the Reston area. In addition to the bank robbery warrants, he was also charged with probation violation, and forgery and identity theft, stemming from warrants in Fredericksburg, Va. in October 2014. Detectives are continuing to investigate.

Well, maybe he commutes to work on the Metro. Our BFFs at Reston Now point out that he has not yet been charged in the Nov. 26 robbery at Presidential Bank on Reston Parkway or the Dec. 29 robbery at the PNC Branch inside the North Point Giant -- just the incidents at RTC and the Hunters Woods Safeway. No truth to the rumor that investigators are focusing on this enigmatic clue left behind at the scene of the most recent robbery:

On the YouTubes: Nearby ATM Skimming Scam Adds Yet More Credence to Reston Town Center's Urban Grit

Fairfax County Police posted to the YouTubes this fancy video of an unknown suspect attaching a skimming device to the ATM machine at the Navy Federal Credit Union branch in Reston's Spectrum Center in early July. Give us some good blockquote, BFFs at Reston Now:

The Navy Federal Credit Union ATM at 1821 Fountain Dr. in Reston was among three banks recently discovered as a target for ATM skimmers, Fairfax County Police said.

Police have a released a video of the skimming device being installed and removed at that location on July 9 and 11. Other recent devices have been found at 11180 Lee Hwy. in Fairfax (July 1 and July 6) and 7678-D Richmond Hwy. in Alexandria (June 28 and July 6).

The video shows all the skimmer being attached and removed in all three locations, with Reston up first. We have to admit, the gentleman's dark shades and old-skool headphones are a pretty clever disguise.

But we digress. Such brazen criminal activity in broad daylight -- and in the shadow of Reston Town Center and the Macaroni Grill? Forget rats of the four-legged variety. It's proof positive that Reston's gritty urban core is now officially All Grown Up, the end.

The Life Aquatic, Reston-Style

We only rarely cover the tawdriness of crime in our beloved earth-toned community these days, at least unless it involves an awesome video. But our favorite correspondent, the Peasant From Less Sought After South Reston, has been poring over the crime blotter, and noticed something... interesting:

Rule Restonia!
Restonia rules the waves
Restonites never, never, never shall be slaves

With apologies to "the cousins" on the other side of the pond, time to retire Sir Francis Drake, Captain Cook, Lord Nelson, and other seafaring limeys of yore as standards of nautical excellence. These days, it's Reston that's master and commander of the world aquatic.

Then again, perhaps not.

Recent news stories provide alarming evidence that small boat handling might not exactly be the strong suit of local residents. Maybe it's something in the water, although at times it seems that the 'something' is a capsized Restonian. Consider:

-- Most recently, as reported in the old-timey Washington Post newspaper, we had the unnamed Restonian who was presumed to have gone missing late last week when his capsized kayak was found floating downstream from Great Falls, but who in fact was found safe at home after a massive search of the Potomac.

-- Not humorous at all was the sadly bizarre case of the local resident who claimed to have been shot while kayaking in Anne Arundel County but who had allegedly shot himself, and then shot himself again when police arrived at his house earlier this month.

A bit farther back in the annals of local history, we had the Viking-inspired canine "burial at sea" on Lake Thoreau that didn't quite go as planned when the canoe carrying Dad, Junior, and Deceased Doggie capsized. And in 2009 came the epic Great Canoe Chase when one of our local criminal masterminds burglarized the South Lakes ABC store and made his daring escape by canoe across Lake Thoreau. Sadly, our wannabe Professor Moriarty capsized on yonder distant shore, spilling overboard all his 86 proof liquid gold treasure that remains lost forever in the muck.

Dare we even mention the kerfuffle surrounding a certain canoe named the Wee Lassie and the pivotal role it played in local politics?

Referring to the most recent event of the 'missing' kayaker, alert Washington Post reader "stevetunley" commented:

"So, the guy who was shot in a kayak a few weeks ago, but not really as he actually shot himself, lives in Reston. Now this guy is from Reston. Clearly, we need to outlaw kayaks in Reston. Or idiots."

We're not sure of that, but our suspicion is that if the Good Lord were to have the Second Coming and try that walking on water bit again on Lake Thoreau rather than the Sea of Galilee, we'd get the sinking feeling (so to speak) that it wouldn't turn out so well for Him this time.

Maybe all those landlines failing at the Reston pools are trying to tell us something.

On the YouTubes: Reston's Wildest Police Chases

Who says Reston is dull? A Ring Road resident posted video of a recent car chase that apparently went by his house twice (which makes sense, given that Ring Road is... a ring) before police apparently rammed the car, which wound up in someone's yard.

Our BFFs at Reston Now tried to get information about the chase from police, but, as often happens, they didn't have much to say about it. Nothing to see here folks, move along!