Meanwhile, in the Anti-Reston: Herndon is Apparently Big Game Country, Just Barely

It's been a while since we've chronicled the exploits of our friendly neighbor to the west, in large part because we haven't chronicled much of anything of late the arrival of Metro has made the town a less distinctive part of the much larger, more uniform sprawly "Dulles Corridor," whatever that is.

But we digress! Yesterday, we learned that the town, despite its easy access to the Silver Line and some fun artisanal tunnels, is officially bear country! Grab your tranquilizer gun and read some good nature time blockquote from our BFFs at Channel 4:

A black bear who spent hours in a tree on a busy street in Herndon, Virginia, on Monday was safely captured and taken to Shenandoah National Park, wildlife officials said.

The ordeal prompted a crowd of onlookers to gather nearby — even as police told residents to keep their distance.

Herndon police blocked off the 800 block of Elden Street around 3:30 p.m. in both directions after the male bear was spotted in the tree. Earlier in the day, residents saw him roaming their yards in a neighborhood.

The police dubbed the bear "Elden," because why not, it's fun. 

So long, Elden, we hardly knew you!

Update: Turns out it's not just unruly undomesticated mammals who appreciate our neighbor to the west.  HOA-hating posters on the Face Books apparently do too:

Fall in Full Bloom on Reston's Lakes

 Some troubling news this morning from our BFFs at the Reston Royal Navy RA:

Inspections this morning on Reston’s lakes indicate that Lake Anne is also now affected by an algae bloom in addition to the continuing blooms on Lake Thoreau and Lake Audubon. pic.twitter.com/iKS6F3KsQF

— Reston Association (@RestonOnline) November 16, 2023

That's right... the green ooze is spreading from whence it started in South Reston. It's only a matter of time before Lake Newport is also covered with green, possibly glowing and sentient, goo.

...our experts believe that leaving the bloom to run its course is more likely to result in a balanced outcome.
We appreciate all of the residents who’ve contacted us about this bloom and will continue to monitor the situation. pic.twitter.com/8Jdz5gEcoE

— Reston Association (@RestonOnline) November 15, 2023

Now of course, the RA and the lamestream media would like you to believe these "algae blooms," like "swamp gas," are a naturally occuring phenomena, exacerbated by the unseasonably warm weather. That they will "run their course," and alls we need to do is keep ourselves and our pets out of the water. But we've seen what could happen!

Don't say we didn't warn you, the end.

Horsehockey! Horses (Briefly) Gambol Freely Along Reston Boulevard Once Again

 
Artist's rendition of what the scene of mayhem may have looked like.

When we fired up our 300-baud modem and clicked on Facebook dot com this morning, we were expecting to see the usual comments about the police helicopter and missing packages. Instead, we got quite a surprise:

Fortunately, it was a short-lived crisis, as the owner found the three horses before they got to Reston Town Center and were summarily booted (or hoofed):

Of course, the picture at the top of this "web log" post isn't a recreation at all. It hearkens back to a time early in Reston's history when along with golf courses (LOL) and ample green space (LOL), a full-sized stable was considered an amenity that would entice the horsey crowd to put down 10 percent on some fancypants split level in South Reston. Check out this lovely watercolor rendering!

The stable was actually built—right off Reston Parkway, in fact—and in use for some time, as the photo at the top of this post shows, but it fell into disrepair and was ultimately torn down. Sadly, the moonbase-like cluster that was to surround it was never completed, so today all we have are memories and a few fresh horseapples on Reston Parkway, the end.

Will Reston Go To The Birds? Or the Foxes? That's Up to You (Updated)

In a campaign that’s already more contested than the typical race for an RA board seat, we’re being asked to vote for an animal to serve as an “icon” for Reston. 

You see, the Friends of Reston, Public Art Reston, and the Reston Association decided that rhomboid-shaped high rises, apartments whose “contemporary” names lack vowels, and buildings painted the same color as embarrassed Smurfs aren’t “iconic” enough to capture the essence of our plastic fantastic planned community.  So they’re asking us to pick a “fun creature” as an icon for Reston, much as cities used to put up statues of various animals (like DC’s donkeys and elephants, or the Outer Banks’ wild horses). More recently, the folks at a certain Town Center tried to capture a similar bit of lightning in a bottle by asking folks to pick cute names for two nesting falcons, only to brutally censor the overwhelming winners—“free” and “parking.” (No truth to the rumor that the two misnamed birds subsequently wound up as a dinner special.)

But we digress. Reston’s earthiness makes up for its lack of timeliness, so this month we’re being asked to choose between a blue heron, a woodpecker, and a fox as our Official Icon (tm). The winner will be “fabricated into a cast” (think Han Solo at the end of The Empire Strikes Back) and auctioned off to support future public art projects in Reston. That’s great, but why limit ourselves to these three options? The contest welcomes write-ins, so here are a few suggestions:

• Deer. We see them everywhere around Reston, and as an added bonus, we occasionally get to shoot at them with arrows. Rad!

• Mosquitos. The constant companion of our lake-focused Live/ Work/Play lifestyle. As an added bonus, the statue’s proboscis could clench a written DRB warning about improperly painted gutters.

• Geese. Loud. Aggressive. Annoying! We’d put the statue on Level G-96 of the Metro parking garage as inspiration for drivers battling for the last spot at 8:59 am.

• Spotted lanterflies. These invasive critters are multiplying faster than new developments along the Toll Road.

• Weasels. Spotted at every county zoning meeting, the end.

Update: The fox it is.

This post was originally published in the Reston Letter.

The Hateful Eight: Ranking Reston's Most Wanted Invasive Plants

We Restonians are a pretty amiable bunch. We don't hate anyone or anything, except maybe for paid parking. And invasive plants. Way back in ought-eight, the Reston Association declared war on eight species of invasive plants, saying they are just as destructive to our community's moral fiber as white landscaping stone. More recently, some kindhearted out-of-towners were so concerned about the invasive plants encircling Reston National Golf Course that they offered—out of the goodness of their own hearts!—to put up a bunch of massive condos just to eradicate them. Just like in some 1980s police drama, some English Ivy creeped up and strangled their long-time partner on his last day before retiring, and they vowed to avenge his memory.

But we digress. We're here to ask the tough questions: Are those eight invasive plants really so bad? And why can't we get the app to validate our parking? Oh, wait—wrong tough question. Let's offer our verdicts, one by one:

1. Barberry. Isn't this a store in Reston Town Center that sells overpriced raincoats? Actually, it's worse: it's an OUTLET in Loudoun County. 

Verdict: The factory seconds bin for them.

2. English Ivy. Let this climb the walls of an older Reston townhouse and you soften the Brutalist feel with some Ye Old Timey vibes. But do you think across the pond in Olde Blighty, the folks in Milton Keynes, or whatever they call their New Towns, get worked up over "Reston ivy?" 

Verdict: A full English breakfast.

3. Bamboo. Often used along property lines. Virtually indestructible. 

Verdict: Replace them with bollards.

4. Chinese and Japanese wisteria. Pretty enough, but Wisteria Lane was the name of a street in another plastic fantastic planned community—the one on Desperate Housewives. 

Verdict: Too much drama.

5. Oriental bittersweet. We'll tell you what's bittersweet—driving by the spot where the Macaroni Grill once stood. 

Verdict: No endless breadsticks for you.

6. Flowering pear tree species. Flowers are fine. Pears are fine—tasty, even. But together? 

Verdict: That ain't right.

7. Burning bush. Usually these are portents of unpleasant journeys, like having to wander in the desert for 40 years or drive to Tysons. 

Verdict: A fistful of pennies to pay the tolls.

8. Nonnative Bush honeysuckles. According to something we Googled on Bing dot com, their fruits are considered "junk food" for many animal species. 

Verdict: Let them grow around the McTacoNoLongerAHut and nowhere else, the end.

This post was originally published in the Reston Letter.

Horse Fixed (Updated)

Horse fixed.

Good.

It's been nearly two years since Lake Anne residents awoke to a scene straight out of a classic film, minus the bed and the racketeering. 

Our art restoration certification has sadly lapsed, but it looks like the head -- apparently rescued immediately after the cervicide and spirited away to the Reston Museum for safekeeping -- might be the only original piece that survived the reconstruction of Russet Brown Trojan Horse 3.0.  Gone is the massive log that made up the body of sculptor Gonzalo Fonseca's original horse and its more recent successor.  But it's nice to have this living monument to the skull-cracking fun to be had by the children of early Reston back up and running at Lake Anne Plaza; hopefully the same can be said about more basic amenities, the end. 

Update: We stumbled across some additional information about the restoration, which was done by South Lakes High School students under the careful watch of Marco Rando. And -- not to give anything away -- but there's apparently a secret chamber in the new horse, so have fun trying to find it, the end.

They're Heeeeeeeere: Cicadas Emerge, But Early Arrivals Appear to Prefer Trendy North Reston

Hey Reston, are you ready for the appearance of millions of cicadas, returning for the first time since 2004 after a 17-year slumber? Because they're apparently ready for you, Reston.

Your Restonian was here back in ought-four and remembers how the last appearance of Brood X was of seemingly biblical proportions. However, thus far, there have only been a handful of verified sightings, at least according to this one fancy cellular telephone app -- a technology which wasn't available back 'round the turn of the century, when we had to relay our cicada observations to entomologists via carbon paper and carrier pigeon. 

Check it, as the kids probably haven't said since the last time the cicadas emerged:

Based on some pretty sophisticated data analytics (on the four reported sightings), we can conclude that like Realtors, Brood X apparently prefers fashionable North Reston by a (checks supercomputer) three-to-one margin. 

And the one outlier -- spotted near Reston National Golf Course in South Reston -- may have made a terrible mistake. You see, when there's large-scale construction and the earth gets turned over for footers and foundations and whatnot, it often destroys the underground habitats that cicadas spend the first 16 years of their lives in -- think of them as the very Reston-like sunken living rooms of the insect world. Back in ought-four, for example, big chunks of newly constructed particleboard Loudoun County were eerily cicada-free for that very reason. Maybe they'll emerge from Loudoun's creatively shaped parkland this time around.

So based on recent events, I think we probably won't need a fancy smartphone app to guess where the cicadas of 2038 will be conspicuously absent in our plastic fantastic planned community, the end.

Beige Mirror: As More Dystopic Video Screens Appear Across Reston, We Welcome Our New Cold-Blooded Overlords

A few months back, a giant video screen featuring circling sharks appeared at Reston Station, bathing the various polygons and whatnot in eerie shades of dystopian blue, kinda like something out of a cyberpunk novel, if the plots of cyberpunk novels focused on Metro access and farm-to-table dining. Now we're learning that like the monoliths in 2001, these screens are.... multiplying. Check it, as the kids haven't said since the 1970s:

That's right. futuristic Reston mixed-use development Halley Rise, home to self-driving cars and (not a moment too soon to slake our suburban sense of inferiority) the planned transit-oriented Wegmans, now has its own big honkin' screen featuring yet another cold-blooded predator eyeing the golf courses its prey, warily. And Reston's vision of a dystopian future in which CGI grannies stare at listlessly at video screens goes back to when Tall Oaks still had stucco strip mall buildings. Should we be concerned?

 

We dunno, to be honest. Let's ask our lizard overlords!

Probably nothing to worry about, the end.

Farewell, Waffles and His Yet-To-Be Named Companion: Two Giraffes Dead in Reston Zoo Blaze

Truly sad news out of Roer's Zoofari, formerly known as Reston Zoo:

Waffles 😢 pic.twitter.com/zpsMYSspTa

— Mariana Perez (@MrsMarianaPerez) March 9, 2021

Reston's Plague Year: Week 9 (Updated 5/19)

Openings and closings: RA announced that its summer camp programs are officially canceled for the summer. On other amenities:

The association will determine how many pools will open depending on the number of staff that can complete a water rescue test, which cannot be completed online. RA hopes to have enough qualified and certified staff by July 1 to ensure that a minimum of four pools are fully staffed and operational. It’s also unclear when tennis courts will be open. Depending on when social distancing requirements are relaxed in Northern Virginia, some tennis courts would be open in June.

But then there’s this!

BIG NEWS! Park Authority parks and parking lots will begin opening Wednesday (May 20) and will be open in time for the holiday weekend; certain amenities and restrooms will remain closed. All social distancing recommendations must be followed. More info: https://t.co/67xQp0iaee pic.twitter.com/SDNhywJ0jX

— Fairfax County Parks (@fairfaxparks) May 19, 2020

One of the saddest stories of our coronatime — the disappearance of 75 year old Michael Delaney from Reston Hospital last Sunday — continues. While the active search was called off late last week, today the Virginia State Police issued a senior alert.

Over the weekend, dozens of people participated in a community search.

You can follow the ongoing search on this Facebook group. Here’s one lead that’s been shared (click to maybe make readable):

One person’s efforts to show what six feet looks like on Reston trails.

Some Good News, as some less famous rando “video web logger” put it, maybe on the Tik Toks or something:

Our Reston District Station received an incredible donation of PPE from the Reston Home Depot 4641 on Friday in honor of Police Week. The donation included N95 masks, gloves, hand sanitizer, and a kind letter of appreciation. Thank you for this thoughtful donation! #FCPD pic.twitter.com/vZNUAvnG3q

— Fairfax County Police (@FairfaxCountyPD) May 19, 2020

Dear Residents of Howland Drive in Reston: Thank you for your extreme kindness towards our paving crews today. The water was thoughtful, generous, and much appreciated. Love you! ❤️ pic.twitter.com/RjHPJ3QcyE

— VDOT Northern VA (@VaDOTNOVA) May 13, 2020

More of that Some Good News: Reston grocery stores are more or less well-stocked these days.

Shout out to the wonderful employees at the @GiantFood at North Point Village in #reston Virginia. The store is fully stocked, even w/ TP. The employees were busy cleaning baskets, machines, etc. they have guidelines for customers on floor. Also they were kind and helpful.

— gingers for grandmas- keep the boomers ok (@ZoePerdue) May 16, 2020

The bad news? Sexist bread has, like nature, returned during these less crowded times. Courtesy of Confidential Restonian Operative “Erin”:

“While Safeway can't stock frozen foods, we do have plenty of sexist croissants!” CRO “Erin” observes.

The ‘Nature is Healing’ meme is getting a bit crazy. First, the neighborhood foxes are taking what is rightfully theirs:

Bears have been spotted around Reston, because why not.

If that wasn't unnerving enough, the unimpeachable source of animalia, Nextdoor, has been rife with a heated discussion about whether feline creatures seen around Reston are bobcats or cougars.

For comedic purposes, most people have gone with the latter:

Hey, if a former president can make a Tiger King reference, so can folks on Nextdoor.

But not all nature is out to get us (or our doggie toys):

This gorgeous fawn and her sibling were spotted Saturday morning on Polo Fields Trail. Have you taken any pictures of wildlife on our trails recently? Share with us in the comments!

Thank you to Lynn Brown for sharing this photo with us.#Reston #EnjoyReston #RATrails pic.twitter.com/Z3JGRIrich

— Reston Association (@RestonOnline) May 19, 2020

All together (but socially distant) now: Awwwwwww.

Not-So-Hot Zone: Reston Has First Potential Brush With Coronavirus, And Of Course It Involves Golf

We here in Reston know our infectious diseases, including the one so nice they named it after our plastic fantastic planned community. Now, as the coronavirus continues its (legitimately frightening) progression around the globe, it's hardly surprising there's a potential Reston connection. But unlike Ebola, this one doesn't evolve monkeys, but (shudder) a Marylander. And, of course, golf.

You see, more than 500 members of Christ Church in Georgetown who were asked to self-quarantine after the rector and organist were diagnosed with COVID-19, have mostly complied--mostly. Give us some not-at-all-alarming blockquote, BFFs at the Washington Post:

Although most parishioners appear to be taking the self-quarantining guidelines seriously, [one Marylander] was struck by another piece of advice: Don’t panic.

On Monday, he went golfing in Reston, Va., keeping a club’s distance away from friends and riding his cart solo on the course. He planned to contact a doctor, but felt no symptoms, he said.

“This isn’t the black plague; we are not dropping like flies,” [he] said. “I guess I’ve just been around too long to think we all need to go in shelter mode.”

We're sure that's of great consolation to next lucky golfer who unwittingly rode in the same cart. "We in Reston have every right to be teed off, so to speak, at your behavior," our favorite correspondent, the Peasant From Less Sought After South Reston, says of our (redacted) golfing friend. Given other news of late, we can only hope that the golf course itself doesn't fall prey to the same fate as Reston's ebola monkeyhouse, the end.

We Can't Have Nice Things, Reston: The Case of the Headless Lake Anne Horse (Updated)

This troubling sight greeted visitors to Lake Anne Plaza over the Labor Day weekend, as the beloved replica of the original wooden horse that gave Reston's earliest children an alternative to cracking their skulls on concrete "playground" abutments appears to have been unceremoniously beheaded, its oaken skull nowhere to be found within the confines of the hastily erected safety barrier/crime scene tape.

Foul play? Playground accident? Jazz aficionados worked into a frenzy by an unanticipated chord modulation during this weekend's festival? If only we knew, and we only can hope the horse was more seriously hurt than the perpetrator, the end.

Update: According to a Facebook poster, "the head is at the museum and the artist is working on getting it back on." No truth to the rumor that it wound up in an RA board member's bed.

Reston on the Teevee: Relive Carefree, Slightly Less Airborne Pathogen-Free Summer of '89 in Feel-Good Movie of the Year

Three decades after a minor mishap in our plastic fantastic planned community put Reston on the infectious disease map -- literally -- we can all relive the carefree, go-lucky days of 1989 with a movie debuting on the National Geographic channel on Memorial Day.

The fancy trailer for The Hot Zone -- based on the Richard Preston book of the same name -- features more clips of hand-washing and zipped-up biohazard suits than exterior shots of whatever Hollywood thinks Issac Newton Square looks like, but this is the one shot that (we think) gets at the real-world fun of housing a facility full of infectious, dying crab-eating macaques next to a daycare center.

LOL, and be sure to grab the disinfectant spray popcorn before tuning this in on Monday! We're pretty sure the movie won't capture the drab banality of the actual building, which has since been torn down and replaced with yet another daycare center (no truth to the rumor that its mascot is the Fightin' Ebolas). The movie's star -- Ebola Reston, not Julianna Margulies -- has made a few cameo appearances in the years since, most recently in the Philippines. And for added fun that could only happen in the Year of Our Lord 2019, the comments on the YouTube page housing the movie trailer have devolved into a series of anti-vaxxer rants, the end.

FalconGate 2019: RTC Thwarts Will of the People, Shackles Popular Vote Like So Many Parking Bumblebees (Updated)

Someone call the UN, Jimmy Carter and all the chad counters in Florida, as the wishes of Restonians have, once again, been crushed through BLATANT electoral fraud. Wake up, sheeple!

With 64 percent of the vote, the Reston Now Readers’ Choice Award for Falcon Names clearly goes to Free and Parking — the falcons’ new nicknames.

Yay! The people have spoken. The Restonian On Your Side Election Integrity Team had been carefully monitoring the results of the election in anticipation of shenanigans. But kudos to our BFFs at Reston Now for nibbling at the hand that feeds it sponsored content at least acknowledging the top vote-getter and memesplaining the significance. But wait, what's this?

But for the official name, upon further reflection, it was clear that the regal birds deserved a more befitting, less joke-y name.

So like Boaty McBoatface before it, “Free” and “Parking” will be how the birds are remembered by many, but the clear second place winner in the voting — “Robert” and “Anne,” a reference to Reston’s founder Bob Simon and Lake Anne — will become the falcons’ actual names.

As in other totalitarian regimes strip malls, dissent is allowed--up to a point. Then the bumblebee is clamped on, metaphorically speaking, and dissent is crushed like so many would-be photographers.

Needless to say, people are taking this well. "Boston Properties still doesn't get it," one commenter wrote. "I wish the best to Robert and Anne whose life expectancy surpasses that of most tenants at RTC."

Another quickly mocked up this T-shirt:

RTC's elite crisis managers probably anticipated they'd take this hit, but that people would forget in time and learn to stop worrying and love the birds. Funny, that's also what they thought a few years ago, back before all the empty storefronts and elite nail salons and the number of lawsuits filed by its own tenants equalling the population of its beloved, if now misnamed, falcons. And we can't wait for BPX's next elite stunt!

Update: Reston Now issues an official statement about the whole naming brouhaha, saying, among other things, that they made the call to not go with Free and Parking, that "no money or favors changed hands," and that there was some "disappointing" salty language in Facebook comments about the whole situation:

The fact that we now have Boston Properties upset at us, for including “Free” and “Parking” in the poll to begin with, and readers angry at us for not selecting those names as the official winner, is frustrating to say the least.

SAME.

For the Birds: Reston Town Center PR Stunt Backfires Badly, Creates Fleeting Moment of Schadenfreude-Fueled Glee

What's new at our favorite elite, parking-challenged ersatz downtown, besides some additional empty storefronts? (Secret's out!) If our sponsored content reading skills are up to snuff, apparently two peregrine falcons have come to call Reston Town Center home, and now the elite crisis managers, aware of an extremely rare good PR opportunity when they see it, are earning their retainers by proposing a naming contest for them!

Give us some good (presumably) sponsored content, BFFs at Reston Now:

A joint effort between Reston Now and Boston Properties wants readers’ help naming the two falcons, who call Reston Town Center home.

The story of Reston Town Center’s peregrine falcons started in June 2015 when two chicks were found on Market Street.

What follows is a lengthy story, complete with "peregrine falcon fun facts," that we all can enjoy in our spare time not shopping at RTC. And at the end is this gem:

Between and next Friday (April 19), comment below this story and on the Reston Now social media pages (Facebook, Twitter and Instagram) your name suggestions. On Monday, April 22, readers will be able to vote for the two names out a list of the most upvoted and liked suggested names.

As you, but presumably not the elite crisis managers whose hourly rate is in the three figures, might imagine, the responses haven't been exactly what they hoped for: (click to enlarge)

We, too, wondered how Reston Now got talked into this PR stunt, but then we remembered that they accepted a paid op-ed from RTC -- and barred comments -- when paid parking first reared its ugly head. And then we remembered that our own filthy "web log" relies on people accidentally clicking on the "Who's Your Baby's Daddy" ads to stay whole and sadness ensued, the end.

The Newest Threat To The Reston Way Of Life: Bobcats

Forget copperheads, cannibalistic insects, invasive flora, floating nightmare hellspawn, even whatzzitczlled, Pokemons. There's a new apex predator prowling our earth-toned paradise, and it isn't even well-versed in land use regulations. Apparently we're in danger of BEING OVERRUN BY BOBCATS.

A vigilant Restonian posted on some other internet thingy:

Saw a Bobcat on Triple Crown Road last night at 5:00 AM when my security lights came on. Very interesting critter, appeared to be very healthy, plump, about one and half to two feet high. Most likely a female with a thick light brown coat. We will see many more Bobcats in the near future if it was a young female. Bobcats are very shy, nocturnal and typically will not bother humans, but it is best to give them space since they are wild and may feel they have to protect a litter. Be careful letting small pets out in the early morning since Bobcats are great hunters.

"Looks like there's big trouble in River City (or would that be Remediated Stream City?)" our favorite correspondent, The Peasant From Less Sought After South Reston, notes. He offers the following thoughts:

Does this mean that the days are numbered for our Canadian Geese WMD (Weapons of Mess Defecation)? Or, if the bobcat is a vegan, that it might be an honorary Weed Warrior and munch away at our invasive English ivy? If it came from Loudoun County, are we permitted to chant "Build that particleboard wall! Build that particleboard wall!"?

Or, horror of horrors, given that description -- female, with a thick light brown coat, very healthy and plump -- could it in fact have been a cougar from Jackson's scouting out new territory to prowl for fresh meat, given the imminent arrival of paid parking at RTC ? Maybe it indeed was a case of mistaken identity, because as [they] helpfully pointed out, "it is best to give them space since they are wild." The mind shudders.

Far be it from this humble "web log" to stir the flames of Internets panic, but we think it's clear WE'RE ALL DOOMED. Time to bow before our feline overlords, the end.

The Lesser of Two Weevils: RA Introduces Invasive Pests To Take Out Invasive Plants

So what's the RA been up to lately? Not much, just RELEASING A THOUSAND DESTRUCTIVE INSECTS INTO RESTON, is all. Give us some good blockquote, BFFs at the Walker Nature Center:

As part of Reston Association’s Integrated Pest Management program, 1,000 Mile-A-Minute Weevils (Rhinoncomimus latipes) were released to feed on the invasive Mile-A-Minute vine. Wetland Studies and Solutions, Inc. released 500 weevils in a restored stream reach by South Lakes High School, and the other 500 were released by RA staff along the gas pipeline easement near Trails Edge Lane. Mile-A-Minute Weed, (Persicaria perfoliata) is a vigorous vine that smothers and shades out native plants.The vine has a triangular shaped leaf, small thorns and blue to purple berries.

Even swarms of pests with freakish elongated snouts are a lesser evil than the dreaded Eight Invasive Plants. THE ENEMY OF OUR ENEMY IS OUR FRIEND.

Please to be enjoying this nightmare fuel picture of the swarms of weevils being released into the wild:

What could possibly go wrong?

Snakes On A Cluster: Copperheads Reign of Terror Resumes, RA Somehow to Blame

Confidential Restonian Operative "South Side Sleuth" shares this harrowing tale of terror involving one of the scourges of our otherwise bucolic Reston lifestyle: paid parking DRB regulations vowels in development names copperheads:

According to a member of the dog walking community of Reston, Copperheads have hatched again. Carriage Gate has reportedly had 4 sightings this spring alone including one large copperhead.

More like Carriage Gateway to Hell, amirite?

But we digress. As a concerned Reston resident, you're undoubtedly wondering one thing: How is this the RA's fault? Fortunately, our CRO has that covered:

Most copperhead bites on people occur when they step over a rotting log on the floor of the woods. Most of the rest of the people bitten fall into the category of ’trying to kill a copperhead’. Last year according to another Reston Dog Walking source, three dogs were bitten from under bushes next to sidewalks in Carriage Gate.

If some cleanup and removal of fallen/rotting trees (preferred habitat of the slithering copperhead) were performed around/in the ‘cherished protected woods” near Twin Branches road and the area known as ‘Copperhead Creek’ at the bottom of the lake dam, there would be less copperheads for all our neighbors to share.

Failing that, South Side Sleuth has another Modest Proposal:

Perhaps we could just import some King Snakes to the area. King Snakes, sometimes called Black Snakes, are purported to kill and eat venomous snakes while being harmless themselves.

Maybe Reston/Fairfax could change the name of Twin Branches to Copperhead Road (no relation to the song by Steve Earle, moonshine or marijuana of course).

Don't know the song. Let's check it out:

BOSS.

New Invasive Plant, Wavyleaf Basket Grass, Will Destroy Us All

RED GREEN ALERT: The Reston Association has informed us that a new invasive species has been spotted in our beloved earth-toned community, and not all the goats or Hunger Games-like contests or lily-destroying napalm in the world will save us from being overrun.

"NEW INVASIVE GRASS FOUND IN RESTON," the RA declared in the scariest Facebook post we've seen since our elderly uncle started posting his political beliefs. According to Fairfax County's equally frightening-sounding Early Detection and Rapid Response program, Wavyleaf basketgrass (Oplismenus hirtellus) "is a low-lying, trailing perennial grass that is less than one foot tall. Its flat leaf blades are about one-half to one inch wide and 1.5 to 4 inches long, have elongated pointed tips and are rippled. It is noticeably hairy where the leaf attaches to the stem, although the hairs are very short. Individual stems connect to each other underground. When the plant blooms, from mid-September through November, the grass sends up a spike that has seeds along it. Seeds are sticky and can stick to clothes, boots, etc."

KISS YOUR BOOTS GOODBYE, RESTONIANS.

Also remember and never forget: Wavyleaf basket grass looks remarkably similar to two other invasive plants, small carpetgrass and Japanese stilt grass. Our enemy is wily and thrives on deceit. Be prepared.

And if you happen to encounter this fearsome invader? "If you find it, please remove it and place in the trash," the RA post continues, presumably forgetting to add "on your way to your panic room, where you can safely start Googling Ashburn real estate listings." Which is all fine and good if you don't mind the seeds STICKING TO YOUR CLOTHES. And once those nefarious, evil-doing seeds are firmly embedded in your t-shirt, who knows what could happen?

 

All Hail the Pileated Woodpecker, The (Almost) Official Bird of Reston

The votes are in, and it looks like the official bird of our earth-toned community will have a decidedly DRB-unfriendly red streak. Give us some good blockquote, BFFs at Patch:

Friends of Reston has announced that out of five birds nominated to be the Official Bird of Reston, the Pileated Woodpecker has received the most votes... The Pileated Woodpecker received 632 votes (23%). In second place was the Eastern Bluebird with 597 votes (22%). In third to fifth place were the American Goldfinch with 514 votes (19%), the Barred Owl with 474 votes (17%), and the Great Blue Heron with 431 votes (16%). These close results validate the selection of nominated birds, which Reston naturalists chose for year-round presence, ease of recognition and beauty.

“There wasn’t a loser among them,” said Katie Shaw, Executive Director of Friends of Reston.

Except for the ones who, you know, lost. And sadly, none of our humble suggestions seemed to catch fire in a write-in landslide.

Incredibly, this election received more than 2,700 votes -- which isn't too far off from the turnout for non-avian elections 'round these here parts.

This contentious decision now goes to the RA Board for approval. Once it's approved -- we're not talking about goats, after all -- we can look forward to some more fun for the kids:

Friends of Reston will add the Pileated Woodpecker as one of Reston’s mascots, joining Earl the Squirrel and Myrtle the Turtle as a character at special events. So far, the favored name for the new mascot is Walker the Woodpecker.

Sounds... copyright-friendly!

So what can we learn about our new official leader? The Internets tell us this:

This beneficial, adaptable bird is Virginia’s largest woodpecker, as large as a crow, reaching a size of 16 – 19 inches long with a wing span of 26 – 30 inches across. They are mainly black with a prominent red crest and a white stripe along their throat. They are noted for their loud ‘laugh’ of a call and the drumming sound they make when pecking into wood to find insects, show off, and proclaim their territory.

Those of us lucky enough to have one of them near our homes know that sound all too well:

THANKS FOR THE NIGHTMARES OFFICIAL BIRD PLEASE MAKE IT STOP