Our favorite correspondent, The Peasant From Less Sought After South Reston, alerts us to the newest challenge to Living, Working, Playing, and Getting Involved(tm) in Reston: the horrifically invasive garlic mustard plant. But fear not! The Reston Association has, as they say in the movies, a plan to address this noxious threat to our earth-toned way of life.
Well...as if carnivorous, highly venomous, bright yellow triffids ready to attack the Hyatt Regency were not threat enough, we now learn that Reston is under attack from yet another species of killer flora -- the dreaded garlic mustard. Given that it sounds like some hip and edgy fusion cuisine marrying the best of Italian and German culinary flavors in unholy wedlock (or would that be weedlock?), we are relieved to learn that Reston is already mobilizing against this Axis of Ecological Evil. And thus is born...Personally, we can't wait for the Challenge Days, as we go out to eradicate the invasive enemies in
The Garlic Mustard Challenge!
As our RA overlords point out in a highly informative brochure, garlic mustard not only "is already present in Reston's natural areas and continuing to spread rapidly" but also "secretes damaging chemicals that alter the soil chemistry." A WMD -- Weed of Mass Destruction -- in our own backyard! But not to worry -- we are all invited to participate in the upcoming "Garlic Mustard Challenge Days", whereby all Restonians with overt eco-warrior and/or latent peasant tendencies can wage flora-cide against this noxious invader.
The Peasant observed this invasive species during his perambulations last spring along the Glade Trail -- at least while he was not otherwise engaged in dodging spandexed kamikaze cyclists, Canadian Geese 'number two' minefields, and assorted latex-gloved perverts. Unwilling to see his beloved deer suffer the heartbreak of halitosis from nibbling this malodorous delicacy after their having defoliated everything else in sight, the Peasant 'fesses up that he too has occasionally waged jihad against this infidel plant.
Inspired in equal parts by the RA brochure, Joyce Kilmer's immortal poem "Trees", and Lt. Commander Data's even more immortal ode to his cat Spot, we wax lyrical:
I think Reston shall never need
This nasty noxious invasive weed
Rosettes of four to eight dark green leaves at ground level
Taxonomically ID this weedy devil
It rapidly dominates the forest floor
Then speedily spreads seeds outward evermore
Altering the soil's chemistry
Inhibiting our native ecology
Ergo for native plants the weed's a serial killer
Not to mention a poor food source for the caterpillar
And so among the butterfly population
Stinky garlic mustard has caused decimation
Thus in Reston this spring, every cul-de-sac, condo, and cluster
Must join RA's Challenge: eradicate the damn garlic mustard!
Poems are made by fools like me
But only Weed Warriors can set us free