Meet Your Neighbors: Sizzlin' Reston Singles!

Reston used to have the knock of being a horrible place for single people. Of course, that was back in Reston's Dark Ages (or as we like to call them, the Mauve Ages), long before the movie theater and fake downtown and Macaroni Grill made the New Town a sizzling place for the glitterati to see and be seen.

Well, maybe not. But here in the middle of the always-exciting Dulles Technology Corridor(tm), what do you do between layoffs and gawdawful commutes when you're looking for love? Form an Internet meetup group, of course!

You'll see that, whether you are looking to meet that possible "someone", or simply wanting to meet other single people in the same "single boat" as you to hang out with, this group will provide you with those opportunities and you'll meet great people along the way!

What kind of opportunities, you might ask? Well, here's a shockingly graphic picture of the debauchery you can expect from the Reston-based Singles in the Suburbs(tm) gatherings. Before you scroll down, don't say you weren't warned:

Frankly, we thought behavior like this was still illegal in Virginia. But let's meet the organizers who are clearly trying to turn this town into an earth-tone accented Sodom and Gomorrah. Here's Rita, who identifies herself as "the big Kahuna":

Hi everyone, I'm Rita! I was born in Pensacola, FL but grew up in Reston and went to The George Washington University where I received my B.A. in Political Science... I moved back to NoVa in 2001 and currently work as a commercial real estate attorney in Ashburn, VA.

Oh, wow -- another graduate! But there's more:

I LOVE wine, so lots of vineyard trips I will plan!

And lots of awkwardly passive verbiage I will write!

But enough about Rita. Let's meet the ever-modest Scott, the group's VP and CEO:

Hello, I am Scott, and don't forget it. On a cold, winter's day in Feburary, 32 years ago, the heavens opened up, and dispensed this pure awesomeness you see before you. Since that time, I have lived by the strict code of always kicking ass and taking names, whilst maintaining the highest of sarcastic tones.

Is it any surprise his favorite underwear while growing up was the Superman Underoos? Or that, 32 years after the heavens opened up during what must have evidently been some horrendous mudstorm, he's still talking about them?

I think we'd settle for a table for one at the Macaroni Grill.

Reston Explained: Loudoun, the Other White Meat

Occasion had it that we had to travel into the wilds of Loudoun County, to a subdivision of elegant brick townhouses surrounded by… piles of dirt.

To be fair, this particular subdivision was nicer than most of the particleboard and vinyl shantytowns that pass for development in eastern Loudoun County. It even borrowed a few stray notes from the whole New Urbanism concept. The garages were relegated to outbuildings in the back, tastefully hidden from sight and leading into alleys that were actually called alleys. (How edgy! How urban!) You could conceivably walk to the massive strip mall under construction a short ways down the road, except that no businesses have opened there yet. A block in the heart of the subdivision had been left undeveloped and adorned with playground equipment, creating an effect vaguely suggestive of a New England village green.

It was a beautiful sunny day, unseasonably warm, and while walking down the narrow streets to the green space, you could almost imagine you were strolling down a tree-lined street of row houses in Georgetown. Except for a) the palpable lack of trees, b) the shabby, indifferent way the electric meters were bolted at eye level to the front of each home, and c) the nonstop sound of earthmovers carving out space for identical townhomes just blocks away. And then there was the complete, utter absence of people. We walked the length of the subdivision and sat in the green space for a half-hour during the late afternoon, and didn’t see a soul. Of course, this being Loudoun County, there were tons of cars parked everywhere in sight.

What was lacking in human activity was made up for by For Sale signs--dozens of them, each more desperate looking than the next. “Buy Me!” one said plaintively. Many added the ominous word “Foreclosure” to the cat-bird spot at the top of the sign usually reserved for such teasers as “I’m Beautiful Inside!” or, in happier times, “Under Contract.” A sign taped to the window of one home for sale warned that it had already been winterproofed, urging Realtors not to turn on the water or flush the toilet on the off chance they had someone to show the home to before spring rolls around.

Then, as we were sitting in the deserted green space, we finally saw movement. Two Loudoun County sheriff department cars pulling up to a townhouse whose furniture had been disgorged to the curb. An honest to goodness foreclosure! Of course, neither the foreclosers nor the foreclosees were anywhere to be seen, so the deputies settled for getting out of their cars and milling around for a few minutes before driving away. No lights, no sirens. Just another day as part of Loudoun’s Special Foreclosures Unit, we guess.

Then it was time to walk back through the deserted, faux-urban streets to our car and drive home. For some reason, the phrase “nuclear winter” kept flitting through our heads. Somehow, it fit.

It’s true: There are worse things than mauve earth tones and DRB regulations.

Meet Your Neighbors: Reston Baby

Is Reston a good place to raise kids? Here's what the bloggers behind Reston Baby have to say about that:

"There's such a diversity," Morgan said. "For instance I'm raising girls, and Ainsley and I are at-home moms."

Wow. Talk about a melting pot. Actually, they're talking about their site, which celebrated its first year this summer. Meet Ainsley, who considers herself the 'Posh Spice' of the Reston Baby trio.

A Virginia Beach native, Arment said she never thought she'd raise her children in Northern Virginia.
"It's not bad, it's just different. I said, 'Oh my god I have Reston babies!" she said.

Sadly, she's moving to Ashburn, a trend which we shall from hereon refer to on Restonian as "graduating."