FOUR-SIREN ALARM NEWS. Reston, we may have sampled our last all-you-can-eat breadstick platter.
According to several Confidential Restonian Operatives, the Macaroni Grill is now closed -- a turn of events so shocking, so unanticipated that it forced Your Restonian to pick up our cellular telephone and do some "reporting," as journalists apparently call it. It is with a heavy heart that we can confirm that our favorite bastion of midscale chain dining and symbol of misguided big box Reston development is no more, all remnants of its memory scrubbed from the Macaroni Grill website like a Trotskyite in mid-century Russia:
They said that when the Soviet Union finally collapsed, it all happened so quickly that no one even saw it coming. This is kind of like that, only involving carb-laden appetizers instead of tanks.
It is with a heavy heart that we will update the Macaroni Grill Doomsday Clock for the last time later today. There are no words, just an empty hole in our heart that high-carb appetizers can no longer fill.
Update: This part stinks worse than day-old rigatoni:
Our Favorite Correspondent, The Peasant From Less Sought After South Reston, suggested this image to represent the ticking of the final second of the Macaroni Grill Doomsday Clock, urging us to think of the red streaks as "burst cans of industrial strength tomato sauce."
Not bad, assuming you came of age during the golden age of the graphic novel. Us, we like our Sad Poneez:
Update to the Update: The sign that promised weary travelers serious carbs and easy living is ALREADY GONE. The monsters.
That festive wreath near the ground isn't fooling anyone.
Update: There's now an online fundraising campaign for the unceremoniously laid off Reston Macaroni Grill employees. A former hourly manager there writes:
Over my 4 years with the company the employees there became my family and now 33 hard working people, many with children and no other source of income, are now unemployed the week before Christmas.As of Dec. 22, $600 had been raised, including a $300 donation from the former general manager.
I am asking for your help to make this incredibly trying time easier for the countless employees that devoted years to a restaurant that showed little courtesy to it's devoted team members.
Please spread the word and the cheer of the holiday season. Any donation of any size is appreciated.