Caddyshackpocalypse Now: With New Golf-Friendly Charm Offensive, War Horse Proves It's a Two-Trick Pony

Hey, remember that time a friendly sounding company bought the Reston National Golf Course and immediately said that there was nothing that could be done but raze it because no one is playing golf any more, and then they became Very Concerned about the scourge of invasive plants, and then they hosted an open bar to propose a "conservancy" sort of green space that would be "reclaimed from golf course use," and when no one bit on any of these highly sincere gambits that had nothing to do with turning their $23 million investment into $200 million-plus worth of particleboard condominiums, they started arguing about by-right development, threatening to reduce the course to 9 holes and maybe build some brightly lit Top Golf-like mauvescraper to annoy their tormentors, and then later claiming that a mildewed 1966 zoning document allows them to build whatever they want on 14 acres of the golf course?

Yeah, that was awesome. But now, we're hearing that golf is BACK, baby! The developers' latest charm offensive, if by "charm offensive" you mean "posting a bunch of geotargeted ads on Facebook," is leaning heavily into golf, promising Restonians "golfing bliss" on 18 pristine holes, conveniently surrounded by new "much needed homes." Check it, as the kids haven't said in years:

"Teed off" is telling on their less-than-warm response from Restonians to date a little, but no matter! Bask in the vision for "Evolution 18," which was definitely not generated by AI slopbots working hard enough to drain nearby Lake Thoreau:

One part seems accurate, though. COMPUTER, ENHANCE:

Perhaps we're being cynical. Maybe their altruistic commitment to addressing the housing crisis is the real motivator:

That means some pretty dense development -- some 306 stacked townhomes, including between 18 and 34 workforce housing units, depending on who you ask. Enjoy these lovely before and after renderings from their website (circles are ours):

We like how the "after" image has been yassified, as the kids said as recently as two years ago. But no matter! In describing the changes, the developers are basically saying that they're doing golfers a favor, and the bolted-on housing should be our way of saying "thank you" for a new "Back 9 grill" between the 12th and 13th holes and a "short course," whatever that is. Give us some good golfing blockquote, BFFs at Fairfax Now:

According to [War Horse Cities founder and Reston National owner Scott Plank], the renovations will amount to “millions of dollars of work,” and allowing housing on a portion of the property will enable War Horse to fund the project without passing on the costs to players by increasing fees or fully privatizing the course.

SAY THANK YOU, PEONS.

All of this is teeing off (get it?) a September 23 planning commission meeting on the portion of the property War Horse says it has the right to develop anyway.  

Will all this work? Earlier this summer, the Reston Association asked residents if they wanted it to continue pushing back against development, with 91 percent urging the RA Board to continue its opposition. (No word if the remaining 9 percent rooted for Ted Knight's character in Caddyshack). But we worry that without continuing advocacy from those who oppose it, the constant shifting of the goalposts, the new promise to ostensibly give the complainers what they want and preserve the golf course, and, of course, the county's unquenchable desire for some sweeeeeeet sweeeeet tax revenue that isn't a data center are going to be, as the golfers say, quite the handicap when push comes to shove for the supervisors who don't have to live with this in their own back nine, the end.

Flashback Monday: Reston Design, By The Book

V. v. exciting news for lovers of antique design trends, like "books." Our favorite correspondent: The Peasant From Less Sought After South Reston, discovered that a 1960s-era book on home decorating included an entire section on mid-century modern design, all devoted to Reston and fancy New York City designer J. Frederic Lohman, A.I.D.! Knock us over with an earth-toned feather, and "peep," as the kids certainly no longer say, these cool photos from one of Reston's earliest model homes which Lowman furnished with all the special touches, some more special than others:

Without rabbit ears, that fancy big-screen-for-the-1960s teevee would be about as good as picking up (all four) DC TV stations as the fillings in your teeth. But we have to admit, those storage units are pretty sweet, even though it looks like the one in the middle is being used to store an upside-down chandelier. COMPUTER, ENHANCE:

But wait, there's more!

Save for the regrettable throw pillows (and thank goodness these photos are in black and white, lest we be blinded by a rainbow of burnt oranges and mauves), the decor is shockingly tasteful, though we bet those scoliosis-shaped chairs were incredibly uncomfortable. And that inverted chandelier is apparently sentient and reproducing. COMPUTER, ENHANCE:

But this "book," it turns out, has words in it, too, and The Peasant took the time to read them! Here's what it said:

There is no way mid-century modern can compete with the refined style of the swinging 1970s that once defined exquisite taste in our beloved New Town -- shag carpets! pink bathrooms! avocado hued kitchen appliances! -- but the furnishings of this Reston house took home design to its highest pinnacle, since as the book put it, the rooms shown are "fine examples of the style, livability, and comfort that can be achieved with modern furniture and furnishings."

Please to note also that in this chapter's short introduction, there is mention that designer Frederic Lohman decorated not just four model homes in Reston but also "the Country Club's clubhouse, the Bottle Club, and the Hospitality Center." We are left wondering what and where, exactly, the Bottle Club was. Did our pioneering forebears, in best Don Draper style, sneak over after a hard day of work to secretly have a snoot or two in such aesthetically pleasing surroundings before returning home to the missus and the little nippers for a tasty TV dinner of Swanson's turkey with all the trimmings? Alas, we shall never know. 

An exhaustive internet search for the "Reston Bottle Club" yielded random restaurants and the top-rated "Purple Glass Recycling Container" (5 stars, IFKYK). 

But wait, there's even more!

We identify with the plant cowering behind the chair in the corner; it's seen some things. But wait--

JUMP SCARE:

Yikes. That's enough old-timey design, and "books," for us for a while, the end.

Reston's Oldest House Isn't in Great Shape, and Neither Are Its Neighbors (Updated)

Sad news. Reston's oldest house -- and the namesake for the nascent community that predated Bob Simon's exurban pipedream -- was walloped by last week's wild storms. Check out the damage to the Robert Wiehle House, posted to the Reston, Remember When group on the Face Books:

Nestled in the trees off Old Reston Avenue between an apartment complex, a townhouse complex, and an exclusive, probably gated community currently being built, the Wiehle House is the oldest extant structure from the planned community of Wiehle. 

Here's a history some filthy "web logger" wrote: 

Not to be confused with Linden Springs or the Bowman House, the Robert Wiehle House is all that's left of the first attempt to build a planned community in the wilds of the Virginia countryside, nearly a full century before Reston was a gleam in Bob Simon's eye. When Carl Adolph Max Wiehle, a doctor from Philadelphia, bought the chunk of land that is now Reston in 1886, he envisioned an 800-home bedroom community, presumably with detailed rules about appropriate burlap window treatments and on-street horse parking. Only 10 houses were actually built, though, and most of them went to family members, and then Wiehle said, "eh, this real estate stuff is hard, let's just get someone to build a distillery instead and get hammered every night," which is exactly what happened until the nudists showed up. 

Apparently no one was hurt in last week's accident, and your Restonian Eyewitness Action On Your Side I-Team(R)(tm) went by the site earlier in the week and witnessed a crew clearing the trees. Hopefully the home will be repaired. But its historic neighbors aren't doing a heck of a lot better.

The 1892 distillery building right next door on Old Reston Avenue (pictured at center of the old-timey photo above) has been on the market for months for a cool $2.5 million. It's definitely what they'd call a fixer-upper, and it's been put up for sale before, but this time, a Realtor(R)(tm) said something a little bit different in their Tic Tac:

"This property was previously approved for condo and townhouse development, but of course, the buyers will have to do their due diligence."

OF COURSE. You can build a lot of townhouses on 0.23 acres, if you do it right. (And by "right," we mean using an industrial press to squeeze them really close together.)

But we digress. Right across the street, where the Bowman House mansion sits, there are the telltale yellow signs of yet another rezoning proposal. Plans for the property have been filed on and off since 2006, but they're now moving ahead. Give us some good zoning blockquote, BFFs at Reston Now:

The Fairfax County Planning Commission on June 3 recommended approval of redevelopment plans for a 5.2-acre Reston site that will retain the historic A. Smith Bowman House as its centerpiece... Plans from developer EYA and the American Armed Forces Mutual Aid Association (AAFMAA), the property owner, call for razing the association’s existing three-story office building and replacing it with 57 townhouses and two public parks. As part of the development plan, the 19th-century Bowman manor house could remain in its current use as an office, be converted to a community clubhouse, or return to its original use as a single-family home.

 COMPUTER, show us some sweeeet renderings:

Historic! We can only hope the property will be called "Distillery View," or maybe "Distillery View Which Was Previously Approved For Condo and Townhouse Development, But Of Course The Buyers Will Have To Do Their Due Diligence" if that will fit on a sign, the end.

Update: Turns out the Wiehle House is no longer insured, and the owner is seeking help to repair the extensive storm damage. And the 'ole distillery has been put on the "most endangered list" of historic properties by both Fairfax County and Preservation Virginia, due to "the risk of it being lost to development or neglect," and we think we know which one of the two is more likely at this point, the end.

Say It Ain't So, Joe! Chain Closure Shows Revenge is a Dish Best Served With Unlimited Breadsticks

In the most shocking news since the ought-fourteen bombshell that forced us to retire our most popular meme* about the midscale chainification of Reston, Not Your Average Joe's, the perfectly average chainery that replaced our beloved Macaroni Grill, has announced it will close in July. Say it ain't so, Joe!

The Massachusetts-based chain is permanently closing its location in the Spectrum at Reston Town Center on July 15, according to a sign recently posted to the restaurant’s front door.

“We are so grateful to have been a part of your great community,” the sign says. “Thank you for the many wonderful memories and all your support throughout the many years.”

It's been here since ought-sixteen, so a decade is a pretty good run for a chain "concept," we guess. But we know what that soon-to-be-vacant storefront could mean!

We're so back, baby!

Right now, you can only find the Macaroni Grill on the blockchain, or maybe six time zones away (we need to take a tax-deductible Restonian On Your Side business trip to confirm this; we owe you, dear "web log" readers, nothing less). But Barnes & Noble triumphantly returned to Reston after a similar shocking closure, and we've hoped against hope before, so you never know!

* Said meme was never popular, the end.

Sign O' The Times: Lake Anne Unveils New Old Brutalist Signs, With A Dash of Mondrain

Hey, remember the time that Lake Anne Plaza's branding, including a somewhat suggestive sign that looked like it would be more at home in a certain park in Brambleton, was put up for a refresh?  Yeah, that was awesome. Well, it turns out that refresh is back from the branding refresh factory, which took out the vaguely oogy liquids, added some cool blocky elements and a touch of Mondrain, and came up with magic!

BEHOLD:

Cool "colorway," as the design kids might have said, back in design school where people routinely use terms like "colorway." Give us some good Mad Men-esque design blockquote, BFFs at FFX Now:

A concept design unveiled by Streetsense at a virtual meeting swaps the current fountain-oriented logo for a simplified look with blockier font intended to evoke the neighborhood’s 1960s origins and defining Brutalist architecture.

“The logo design took inspiration from midcentury color palettes and forms, including some iconic signs at Lake Anne,” said Jodi Dubyoski, a senior urban designer at Streetsense.

Refined over months based on community feedback, the concept cements a consistent style, while also offering more flexibility through different color options, for example, that can be adapted “to different messaging needs,” she added.

It's getting rave reviews! 

“Functionally, it’s very legible, and it looks [Piet] Mondrian-esque,” said [a community member], referring to the Dutch abstract painter known for his line compositions. 

And, of course, the logo is a nice play on one of our favorite skull-crackin' concrete adornments:

Put it all together, and you get some really nifty signs:

But the proposed placement of the so-called "beacon" signs... confuses us. Check it, as the kids no longer say, whether in design school or not:

Now we're just simple country "web loggers," but we're not sure why these signs would be placed sideways in the medians like this, where they would 1) cause drivers to crane their heads to look at the pretty colors, muttering "very legible, and it looks [Piet] Mondrian-esque" to themselves, brackets and all, as they careen towards a red light at 55 mph and 2) inform the residents of the Fellowship Lake Anne House across the street, residents who presumably know where Lake Anne is, of the location of Lake Anne.

We'd humbly suggest a sign that could be viewed from every angle, and luckily you can find them outside a lot of small-town laundromats (IYKYK, as the kids also no longer say). All they'd need is a small typography fix (and a little bit of Windex):

You're welcome.

Casinopocalypse Never: Developer Denies Interest in Reston, Herndon Casino, Nosiree Bob! (Simon)

 

No one:
Absolutely no one:
Comstock: We never wanted to build a casino in your stupid town anyway.

The fancypants casino bill has been dead (for now) for almost a month, and developer Comstock just issued a public statement saying nosiree, we never thought about building a giant casino entertainment project in Reston or Herndon, why would anyone think that, silly rabbits?

To be fair, Comstock probably felt compelled to issue the statement because an Action McNews teevee story conflated two unrelated events in our neighbor to the west, Herndon. At the same time as town officials were considering tweaking zoning requirements to make it difficult to build a casino there, ultimately deciding to try to simply prohibit them outright, they were dealing with another Comstock-related issue: Herndon is suing the company to get back the land for a fancy downtown development project the company backed out of in 2024. And the teevee people combined the two into one story, as they often do given the limited time between mattress commercials, and hence the public statement.

Give us some good public statement blockquote:

Contrary to what has been reported or speculated, Comstock has never pursued the approvals necessary for a casino development anywhere on the Silver Line outside of Tysons. The reason is straightforward: our concept for what this type of destination development should look like, what it should include, and how it should function is simply not compatible with a residential neighborhood.

Alrighty then! We'll give them the benefit of the doubt, but let's be perfectly clear, as the kids politicians said as recently as a decade ago: While Comstock didn't author it, the language in the original casino bill proposed back in ought-twenty-three by Sen. David Marsden (D-Burke) and Del. Wren Williams (R-Stuart) that Comstock supported included some very specific legalese about the location of any proposed casino that was still somehow nonspecific enough to make both Tysons and Reston possibilities, though that later got narrowed to Tysons (and then expanded back to include just about anywhere) during this year's legislative deliberations. So another company, if not them, could have built it here if that language had held and the bill passed. 

But we're glad that Comstock put their commitment to keep casinos away from residential neighborhoods in writing for all to see. If only some other equine-adjacent developers could do the same thing instead of poking around some moldy sixty-year-old property plats, we'd all be a lot happier, the end.

With Trump Truth Post, Reston Has Finally Arrived

Maybe you thought it was that time Money Magazine ranked Reston the 7th best place to live in the country. Or that time they named a disease and an opera after our plastic fantastic planned community. Or that time we got our fancypants Wegmans before Manhattan (yes, that Manhattan). Or that time the Metro finally arrived and all of our homes one particular penthouse quintupled in value. 

But no. It was only yesterday, May 3, 2026, that Reston finally arrived. That's because that was the day we joined the ranks of Bruce Springsteen, various"low IQ" politicians, Greenland, the Superbowl halftime show, and covfefe. That's right, Reston was at long last the subject of a Trump tweet truth. Check it, as the kids haven't said since well before his first term:

Good to see Fannie Mae getting with the program! Let's check out that inspirational photo greeting employees as they head past the fake harvested timber to the elevator banks. COMPUTER, ENHANCE:

Resisting the urge to make obvious comparisons that would get us put on a list, so haha, good thing it's posted against a russet brown background or the DRB would be awfully sore, haha, the end.

Swanky $10M Reston Penthouse Sets Record

 

ZOMG, someone roust Bob Guccione from his penicillin-lined tomb, as a swanky Reston penthouse has set a new record. 

The 27th floor penthouse at the JW Marriott Residences at Reston Station, presumably bathed in the perpetual sunlight of the motel's blinding signage, sold for an eye-popping $10.25 million last month. That's nearly double the cost of the second most-expensive Virginia condo sale ever, which was in (shudder) Rosslyn, which goes to show you what some people will do to be able to walk to a Matchbox Davio's Founding Farmers.

But what else do you get, besides a 5,700-square-foot aerie overlooking a vast swath of midscale chain retail? Give us some good real estate blockquote, BFFs at the Washington Business Journal:

The condos, which have their own private entrance, feature dedicated spaces and amenities, all on the 25th floor, including an owner's lounge, board room, rooftop grilling areas, rooftop dog park, and private fitness center.

Cool cool. Life without a rooftop dog park and "grilling areas" is a hollow existence, indeed. But what else could a mere $10.25 million buy you in our plastic fantastic planned community? 

COMPUTER, CALCULATE:

• 11,516 years of Reston Association dues. That's a lot of pool/pickleball time!
• An entire cluster—or two. We'd do it, just to rename Forest Edge Cluster to Forest Gump Cluster, a small price to pay for the laughs
• Approximately 640,625 cocktails at one of Reston Town Center's finer drinkeries
• 40,196 votes for Hunter Mill Supervisor
• 301,648 cans of Behr Russet Brown paint -- more than enough to paint the entire Pentagon a DRB-friendly color.
• 931,818 in tolls for round trips to the Tysons Corner Galleria, where you'd obviously shop if you lived in a motel penthouse
• 43 percent of Reston National Golf Course, which is more than what will remain open space if developers have their way, the end.

Casinopocalypse Later: Spanberger Vetoes Bill, Used Car Lot Casino Off the Table For Now

V. v. sad news for the people who find their living rooms too devoid of cigarette smoke and sadness to gamble on their phones and the developers who spent more than $3.5 million on their own bet that a fun casino could be built in the complete absence of local support in Reston Tysons Reston Tysons a specific used car lot in Tysons: Gov. Abigail Spanberger has vetoed a bill that advanced relentlessly through the Virginia House, bringing this multi-year saga to an end... at least for this legislative session.

Give us some good blockquote, Action McNews BFFs:

“Local governing boards should lead on proposed casino development, as has happened in every locality that now has a casino,” Spanberger said in a statement. “But in Fairfax County, the Board of Supervisors has explicitly opposed this legislation, and an overwhelming majority of the General Assembly members who represent Fairfax voted against it.”

The casino proposal changed in about a dozen ways in recent months but returned to where it started: with a proposed location in Tysons. The proposal called for funds to be split 70% to the state and 30% to Fairfax County. Fairfax County Board Chairman Jeff McKay told News4 that wasn’t enough.

Reston kept being put on and off the table (as in a meal to be devoured) as the bill twisted and turned, which means it could be back on the table in future legislative sessions.  But for now, we can breathe a sigh of relief, what, with no other unwanted development proposals trying to sneak into our plastic fantastic planned community in whatever way they can, even if it means digging up some badly xeroxed zoning documents which were filed and forgotten before Nixon was president. Right?

Right?

Update: Hunter Mill Supervisor Walter Alcorn issued a succinct statement thanking Spanberger for vetoing what he called a "bad bill," stating that "we never wanted it and never asked for it."

Call Me Loudounian

The rumors are true. After nearly two decades covering Reston like invasive English ivy, we’ve decided to move on to brighter, beiger pastures. That’s right—we’re swapping the earth tones of our plastic-fantastic planned community for the bright lights and particleboard charms of our neighbor to the west, Loudoun County. Back in the day, we used to derisively call this “graduating,” but we’re older and ... older now.

“But why?” one—maybe two—of you unrelated to us by blood or marriage might be asking. “What does Loudoun have that Reston doesn’t?” Thought you’d never ask, silly rabbits.

Midscale chains. A wise man once said that when one is tired of visiting the same shops and restaurants found in exurban strip malls blanketing 98 percent of the country, one is tired of life. We do have that here, but fortunately, there’s an even greater movable feast of midscale chain eateries, shopperies, cofferies, saladaries, cupcakeries—maybe even a picklery, if we’re lucky—to our west.

Unimproved roads. Ever since they added a fancy third turning lane to the intersection of Route 7 and Baron Cameron, we’ve been overwhelmed—what is this, Talladega? A windy two-lane road originally surveyed by a Civil War general, carrying traffic from dozens of massive subdivisions, would let us “bliss out,” as the kids no longer say, while sitting in never-ending traffic.

Latency. When you’re in the highly lucrative online blogging business, every millisecond counts. The only way we can be sure we won’t be scooped on a critical bit of wastewater board meeting news is to have a massive data center behind our home to plug our 300-baud modem directly into. Advantage: Loudoun.

Upscale vowels. The word “Reston” does roll off the tongue nicely, but having a couple of luxury “u”s in one’s address speaks to a certain exclusivity we’d like to grow accustomed to.

Metro. The only thing better than a nonexpress, 50-minute train to downtown D.C.? A 75-minute one.

One Loudoun, which is mathematically one better than Reston Town Center (no numerical value).

Spring vibes. Thinking that the Loudoun lifestyle would be an improvement is like living April 1 every day, the end.

This post originally appeared in the Reston Letter.

You've Got Fail: AOL Lays Off People in Reston; Unclear If They Were Aware AOL Still Existed

Shocking news from the Internets today, where we learned that AOL plans to lay off 108 employees at its Reston office. Even more shockingly, AOL apparently still exists.

It's easy to forget how huge a deal AOL once was, and its massive role in cementing NoVa's role as an Internet hub. From humble beginnings in Vienna, it moved to a massive campus in Sterling which is now, appropriately, a data center. But who knew it opened offices in Reston at some point? We've won some massive global headquarters over the years, but for some reason, this one warranted less attention than, say, a tuna cannery. 

So pour one out for the early days of the Internet -- but be sure to put that drink on a coaster. If you don't have one handy, AOL manufactured more than a billion of them back in the day, the end.

Always Bet on Mauve: Casinopocalypse Bill Heads to Full Virginia House, Reston 'In Play' (Updated)

Happy Friday News Dump, to all those who celebrate! Our BFFs at the Reston Association opted to send an update on the state of legislative maneuvering around Fairfax County's largely unsolicited, definitely irresponsible plastic fantastic casino proposal at 4:51pm this Friday afternoon, and it's a doozy! To be fair, that probably has more to do with the General Assembly's sneaky maneuvering on this bill, which stripped it of a bunch of qualifications that would have made it harder to be foisted on an unwilling part of the county more difficult to build and moved it out of committee to the full House of Delegates this afternoon, which plans to vote on it "quickly," according to our RA BFFs. Give us some good legalese blockquote:

The Appropriations committee removed several key provisions that would have made a casino more difficult to build or less profitable for developers:

• Magisterial District Majority: The requirement for the casino to be approved by a majority of voters in the specific district where it would be located was removed. Only a countywide referendum is now required.
• Mandatory Labor Protections: Requirements for prevailing wages and union hiring contracts were removed.
• Enhanced Financials: The $150 million licensing fee and the 40% tax rate (which would have significantly benefited the county) were scaled back to align with current state law.

What REMAINS in the Bill:

• Flexible Location: There is no longer a requirement for the casino to be in Tysons. It could realistically be placed anywhere in Fairfax County that meets the square footage requirement.
• Development Size: Any gaming establishment must be part of a larger mixed-use development of at least 1.5 million square feet.
• Public Safety Proffer: A mandatory requirement for the developer to fund or dedicate land for a public safety facility (e.g., police or fire station) remains.
• Expiration Date: The authority to hold a referendum expires on July 1, 2029.

As this bill closely resembles the language passed in the Virginia Senate earlier this month, it means that Reston is once again in play as a possible location.

Hard to guess where there might be 1.5 million square feet of largely unclaimed euclidian office footage just sitting around in Reston, but we might consider giving our friendly state legislator a call or electronic message. You can find the RA's sample letter here, and a list of lawmakers here. And because the world hates irony, you apparently can't yet gamble online on whether a bill bringing gambling to the county will pass, with this fancy prediction market "web site" suggesting we spend our hard-earned Who's Your Baby Momma ad revenue on some far more trivial wagers:

That $30 minimum wage could buy a couple of watered down drinks at the blackmauvejack table, the end.

Update: The casino bill passed the Virginia House on March 4 and is expected to go to Gov. Abigail Spanberger, who will ultimately decide its fate. Give us some good procedural blockquote, BFFs at the Reston Association:

This afternoon, SB 756, known as the Fairfax County Casino Bill, passed the Virginia House of Delegates by a 64-32 vote. The bill was then voted on in the Senate and was sent to Conference. This means that 3 members of the House and 3 members of the Senate will discuss the bill as a committee before it is expected to go to the Governor's office for signature or veto.

Today, Reston Association Board President Travis Johnson shared the following statement:

“Reston Association remains opposed to a casino in our community. Unlike any other Virginia jurisdiction targeted for a casino – our community has not asked for this, and the passage of SB 756 disregards local governance and land‑use planning as well as the wishes of the vast majority of our members. We will do everything we can to mobilize the people of Reston to oppose this legislation.”

If you share our views that you do not want a casino in our community, we encourage you to share those thoughts with the Governor’s office by contacting: Abigail.Spanberger@governor.virginia.gov. 

We need your advocacy now to help defeat this measure and protect our community. 

Sadly, you still can't bet on the bill's passage on any of the major prediction markets -- which are kind of like casinos, only they exist online, not on used car lots or collections of oddly shaped polygons, the end.

Will the American Dream (Way) Remain Reston's First Gated Community? We Don't Know, But It Gave Us The Chance to Use A Decade-Old Meme

 

Hey, remember that time when a developer was going to build a mixed-use townhouse community on the site of the former Fannie Mae campus on American Dream (heh) Way, and in the true spirt of that phrase they decided to make it a gated community, which was so antithetical to Reston's immaculate vibes that county planners recommended denying the entire project, but it was ultimately approved by the board of supervisors, in part because the developer said the gated access was needed to ensure the nine-story office building on the property would attract a tenant?

Yeah, that was awesome. Anyhoo, we've all watched the office building being slowly torn down over the past few months, and now the developer is requesting a rezoning application to build another 100 or so townhomes on the site.  Give us some good procedural zoning blockquote, BFFs at Fairfax Now:

The county board’s decision to allow residential development on the site came despite objections from some residents and county staff, who took issue with Wheelock’s insistence on retaining a secured gate limiting access to a portion of American Dream Way. At the time, the property owner said the gate was necessary to draw tenants to the office building, which it still hoped to lease out... According to the application, Wheelock spent over $10 million since 2020 to maintain the approximately 400,000-square-foot office building, even it had “no prospect for re-tenanting.”

Sure, demand for office space has shifted in recent years, and there are a ton of shiny new BASE-jumping launch points trophy-class office towers around town. But that means county officials will demand that Wheelock remove the gates from the community as a condition of approving this request, right? 

Right?

COMPUTER, EXECUTE TIRED_OLD_MEME.BAT:

Mauve Alert: The Sassy Chatbot Pretty Much Nailed It

For reasons known only to The Pantopticon, this question and answer were served up unbidden by the AI powering the Facebooks following a recent post on this filthy "web log":

"Complex feelings," indeed. Let's ask the all-knowing sassy chatbot What Do It All Mean?

The tone and purpose of the site can be broken down as follows:

1. Tone: Satirical, Cynical, and Irreverent

The blog is written with a heavy dose of irony and "gallows humor" regarding suburban life. Key characteristics include:

Self-Deprecating Localism: It affectionately mocks Reston’s unique quirks, such as its obsession with "earth tones" (specifically mauve and brown), its rigid architectural standards, and its "plastic fantastic" planned-community nature.

Wry Skepticism: The writing often targets local governance (the Reston Association), developers, and "boxy buildings." It uses recurring jokes like "New Town™" and "conforming architectural non-conformity" to highlight the contradictions of the community.

Snarky Commentary: Even when reporting on serious local issues—like the closure of the RELAC cooling system or potential casino developments—the prose remains biting and sarcastic.

2. Purpose: Community Watchdog and "Counter-Narrative"

While it is funny, the site serves a functional role for the community:

The "Warts and All" View: The site explicitly states its purpose is to look at Reston "warts and all." It provides a counterpoint to the polished, "live-work-play" PR imagery put out by official entities.

Hyper-Local News Filter: It tracks zoning changes, retail openings/closings, and board elections, making dry civic news more engaging (and often more critical) for residents.

Community Identity: By leanings into "inside jokes" about Reston’s history and aesthetic, it creates a shared sense of identity for residents who love the town but enjoy venting about its bureaucratic or aesthetic eccentricities.

The anonymity is part of the blog’s brand; it allows the author to critique local powerful figures, developers, and neighbors without the social or professional friction that would come with being a known "curmudgeon" in a tightly-knit planned community. 

Summary

If the official Reston.org is the community’s "brochure," Restonian.org is its "complaint department" run by a very witty, slightly exhausted resident. It serves as a satirical watchdog that keeps residents informed while poking fun at the absurdity of suburban planning.

Now that a small lake has been evaporated to answer this question, it's time to bring out the heavy guns: What Do It All Look Like?

Wow, it's like we're looking into a mirror, except that the computer looks way too new. But what's on the screen? 

COMPUTER, ENHANCE:

We've been at a Level 5 Mauve Alert since 2007, but the sassy chatbot would have to drain Lake Newport dry to figure out what "lemee bovated" means, the end.

Casinopocalypse Soon, Maybe: New Bill Could Move Casino Out of Tysons to Another Place With a Bunch of Boxy Buildings (Hint: Here)

Hey, remember that time there was a big push in the Virginia legislature to build a fancypants national security honeytrap casino in Fairfax County, with a lot of sketchy provisions that would really only allow it to be built in either Reston or Tysons, and then after a lot of hubbub, the bill was killed, and then after even more hubbub, it came back but the language was refined so said casino could literally only be built on the site of one used car lot in Tysons, which, you know, Tysons LOL, and then the bill was killed coldpilled, which sounds like a mid-tempo early oughts band and not a legitimate parliamentary maneuver, but we digress, and then it came back again and was killed by the state house?

Yeah, that was awesome. Well, this week, the bill re-emerged from the dead, and all that language about the Tysons used car lot was stripped out, meaning that the casino could be built anywhere in the county, including another Metro-adjacent area with fewer used car lots and more tall buildings, not all of which have sides that intersect at 90-degree angles, including ones owned by casino-curious companies which in the past have donated significant amounts of money to pro-casino state lawmakers and tried to outright buy local elections. Sound familiar?

The Reston Association board voted to oppose the changes in Senate Bill 756, saying:

Reston Association is disappointed at the news that SB 756, which would allow for a casino in Fairfax County, was amended to remove location-specific language in the bill and passed through the Senate Finance and Appropriations Resource Subcommittee yesterday morning. Reston Association maintains that a casino is detrimental to our community and goes against the careful planning that has been a part of Reston for more than six decades.

Reston Association has consistently and unequivocally opposed the idea of a casino in Reston. Our members have never expressed a desire or need for such a facility. Reston is a proven economic engine with a robust commercial tax base, world-class corporations, and innovative technology firms. Introducing a casino would jeopardize this success, as companies considering relocation have indicated such a development would make the corridor a “no-go zone” for future investment.

We don't know, though. One Action McNews story described the proposed casino as "classy," like "Wynn in Las Vegas," but that would be a total violation of contemporary Reston design cues. Just look at this thing:

While we appreciate the DRB-friendly choice of goldenrod as a colorway, that curvy building with those rounded edges simply don't fit in with this:

Get a carpenter's square and some woonerf and we'll talk, the end.

VY ask VY? Apartments that Sparked Reston's Consonant-Happy Trend Gets Old-Sounding New Name

VY ask VY? Apparently that's what the new owners of our favorite vowel-free apartment complex in South Reston with a parking garage camouflaged so deftly that it's practically invisible to the naked eye asked themselves, and they decided the answer was vowels. Lots of vowels, in convenient word-you-can-find-in-a-dictionary format!

Behold The Point at Rise, and yeah, we guess there's a hill there or something, since the original name of the entire development was Reston Heights, at least until some latte-holding, goatee-wearing bespectacled "brand manager" (it was the oughts, after all) suggested the name VY, which apparently is an abbreviation for "very." 

But now, RIP VY. At least the name was original, and an inspiration for everything from burger joints and vowel-curious Metro-adjacent apartments to cold plungeries. Frankly, the name "The Point at Rise" is so boring that we're falling asleep as we type this on the membrane keyboard of the Atari 400 that powers this filthy "web log" and skimming the model apartment photos. Wait, what's this? 

Computer, ENHANCE:

Luckily, the blinding 650-watt equivalent output of that hipster not-a-vintage-fan-but-a-light in the model apartment could keep even a mole rat awake enough to read the handy at-arm's-reach model apartment travel book (called "Travel Book"), the end.

The Biennial What’s Out/What’s In List for Reston

Happy 2026! Back by (semi-)popular demand for the first time since 2024, here’s our (semi-)annual list of what’s out and what’s in for our plastic fantastic planned community: 

OUT	IN
Jet-age lake cooled AC	Brownouts from jet-age wiring
Office parks becoming homes	Team huddles in the breakfast nook
DRB citations for Mocha Mousse trim (PANTONE 17-1230)	DRB citations for Cloud Dancer trim (PANTONE 11-4201)
"Civic plazas" (Reston Station)	"Central greens" (RTC North)
Dark sky lighting	Blinding motel LEDs
Planner-proposed roundabouts	Planner-proposed runarounds
Vowel-free apartment buildings (RIP VY)	Vowel-free cold plungeries
Boozin' at RTC	Booz Allen in RTC
Paid parking	Gated communities
Bears in Herndon	Karens in Loudoun
Pedestrian bridges over Wiehle	Pedestrian bridges between office buildings
Wondering when Taco Bell will reopen	Wondering when pools will close
Invasive plants	Invasive developers
Tired "web log" listicles	Wired newspaper listicles

This post was originally published in the Reston Letter.