You may recall the shocking discovery that Reston's predecessors were not just whiskey makers in a drunken village, but honest-to-goodness homicidal nudists. Our favorite correspondent, The Peasant From Less Sought After South Reston, has uncovered more details about the infamous Green Forest Club, whose camp was located not far from the modern day South Reston Park and Ride Lot. Here is his exhaustive report:
The sordid tale of Reston's origins in the misty dawn of pre-history can now be told: our earth-toned paradise was once a Snakeden of Iniquity where exhibitionists pranced about and cavorted au natural amidst our hard-working dairy farmers!
Exciting historical research made possible by articles uncovered in the old-timey Washington Post "news-paper" reveals that, as this mighty nation struggled through the Great Depression in the autumn of 1933, 25 to 30 godless heathens from the Twin Sin Cities of Washington and Alexandria infiltrated our righteous county and established an 83-acre nudist colony called the Green Forest Club off of Lawyers Road.
We are reassured, however, by an October 13, 1933, article in the Post that such moral turpitude did not go unchallenged:
"A three-week old nudist colony has drawn fire from the American Anti-Nudity League and the attention of Fairfax County authorities. A letter of protest, signed by Dr. Jane B. Coates of Washington, executive director of the anti-nudity association, was sent to Governor Pollard. The governor took the matter under advisement, and jokingly said he wanted to get all the 'bare' facts in the case." Knee-slapper!In next week's Flashback: To Combat the Nudists, Virginia Plans an Erection. SRSLY.
In her letter, Dr. Coates declared, "Virginia, of all states, has stood on its purity, nobility, and cleanness of principles." Yay for the Old Dominion!
It is then reported that the unfortunately named Deputy Sheriff Vernon Cockrell of Herndon "planned to visit the camp to see 'what is going on'. Arrests will be made, he said, if anyone is found 'walking around naked'." We wonder: would that be a summons for "naked as a jaybird jaywalking"?
In the next day's Post, however, Governor Pollard is reported to have adopted a 'hands-off policy' toward the nudist colony: "The Governor said he was unable to recall any law under which the State could eject any cult where there was no infringement on the rights of others." Sounds like the Guv was channeling his inner Ron Paul there!
We can only imagine the gut-busting humor all this hoopla must have created down at the nearby Herndon Grange on Saturday evenings:
"Say, Jethro, if that nood-ist colony had an Iraqi and an Irishman in it, what would be its name?'
"I don't know, Zeke, what?"
"Saddam and Begorra!"