News and notes from Reston (tm).

Monday, April 30, 2012

Flashback Monday: More on Reston's Homicidal Nudist Colony, Part 1: The Snakeden of Iniquity

scandalsatanudistcolony.jpgYou may recall the shocking discovery that Reston's predecessors were not just whiskey makers in a drunken village, but honest-to-goodness homicidal nudists. Our favorite correspondent, The Peasant From Less Sought After South Reston, has uncovered more details about the infamous Green Forest Club, whose camp was located not far from the modern day South Reston Park and Ride Lot. Here is his exhaustive report:

The sordid tale of Reston's origins in the misty dawn of pre-history can now be told: our earth-toned paradise was once a Snakeden of Iniquity where exhibitionists pranced about and cavorted au natural amidst our hard-working dairy farmers!

Exciting historical research made possible by articles uncovered in the old-timey Washington Post "news-paper" reveals that, as this mighty nation struggled through the Great Depression in the autumn of 1933, 25 to 30 godless heathens from the Twin Sin Cities of Washington and Alexandria infiltrated our righteous county and established an 83-acre nudist colony called the Green Forest Club off of Lawyers Road.

We are reassured, however, by an October 13, 1933, article in the Post that such moral turpitude did not go unchallenged:


"A three-week old nudist colony has drawn fire from the American Anti-Nudity League and the attention of Fairfax County authorities. A letter of protest, signed by Dr. Jane B. Coates of Washington, executive director of the anti-nudity association, was sent to Governor Pollard. The governor took the matter under advisement, and jokingly said he wanted to get all the 'bare' facts in the case." Knee-slapper!

In her letter, Dr. Coates declared, "Virginia, of all states, has stood on its purity, nobility, and cleanness of principles." Yay for the Old Dominion!

It is then reported that the unfortunately named Deputy Sheriff Vernon Cockrell of Herndon "planned to visit the camp to see 'what is going on'. Arrests will be made, he said, if anyone is found 'walking around naked'." We wonder: would that be a summons for "naked as a jaybird jaywalking"?

In the next day's Post, however, Governor Pollard is reported to have adopted a 'hands-off policy' toward the nudist colony: "The Governor said he was unable to recall any law under which the State could eject any cult where there was no infringement on the rights of others." Sounds like the Guv was channeling his inner Ron Paul there!

We can only imagine the gut-busting humor all this hoopla must have created down at the nearby Herndon Grange on Saturday evenings:

"Say, Jethro, if that nood-ist colony had an Iraqi and an Irishman in it, what would be its name?'
"I don't know, Zeke, what?"
"Saddam and Begorra!"
In next week's Flashback: To Combat the Nudists, Virginia Plans an Erection. SRSLY.


  1. [Arrests will be made, he said, if anyone is found 'walking around naked'."]

    From personal experience (of the National Geographic 'I explored it; I didn't do it' nature) I can verify that a cult of 'walking around naked' Fellini-type nudists frequently gravitate toward the northside stairwell of the parking lot at Reston Town Center in the late evening following a screening of the latest romantic comedy at the theater. As Fellini might say, it's veritable earthquake eruption of nude dwarfs and hermaphrodites in the northside stairwell of the parking lot at times. Yes, you have been warned, a real nude colony spectacle can be witnessed in that northside stairwell.

    Restonians of the conservative Christian bent are cautioned to use the southside stairwell after exiting the theater from seeing any Hollywood bomb romantic comedy film starring Jennifer Lopez or Jennifer Anniston. All the salacious activity that takes place in the southside stairwell involves fully clothed consenting adult conservative Christian married folk...although not necessarily married to each other, if you know what I mean...being that they are, afterall, good conservative Christians, which means they have a very high moral standard for stairwell philanderings.

  2. There are certain individuals in the Lake Anne area who sometimes mistake the Reston pools for nudist colonies on hot summer nights.

    This isn't always a good thing.


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