News and notes from Reston (tm).

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

'Neighborhood Captain' Program Will Make Reston Sustainable, Or Else

compost comrade.jpegAs part of its five-year plan goal to have 12 percent of Reston households sign a pledge to make "simple changes" in lifestyle, transportation, environment, and buying locally, The Reston Sustainability Forum is looking for a few eager "neighborhood captains" to urge their comrades neighbors to recycle and maybe buy a nice recumbent bike to ride along the shoulder of the Toll Road to get to that job strapping bombs to dolphins developing biodegradable munitions and stuff.

Neighborhood Captains would lead the drive to obtain Pledges in their individual cluster, apartment building, or, in the case of single family homes, local neighborhoods. The Reston Association, Reston Town Center Association, ARCH (the Alliance of Reston Clusters and Homeowners), and WATCH (the Working Alliance of Town Center Homeowners) have volunteered to distribute Captain’s Kits throughout their e-mail lists in an effort to support the Forum’s goals.
Nice try, Ivan. You can rummage through my compost pile when you pry my Whole Foods-procured earth turner from my cold dead hands!

Actually, the pledge doesn't sound so draconian. The fancy "captain's kit" (PDF) shares a list of 12 easy things to do to be sustainable, including turning stuff off when you're done with them, recycling, carpooling, monitoring your car's tire pressure, planting a native tree, visiting the ole' farmers market, and, of course, everyone's favorite, installing a rain barrel (so long as you don't fall afoul of the DRB guidelines, of course). You don't even have to wear a cardigan, as Jimmy Carter once urged us to do. And besides, who's going to check and make sure you're not boiling seal blubber as an appertif, so long as those tins of I Can't Believe It's Not Ocelot(tm) wind up in the recycling bin?

So let's all be captains and inform on encourage each other to be more sustainable! Or at least go sign the pledge here before there's a knock on the door in the dead of night from a friendly neighbor.

Actually, the pledge is not necessarily a bad idea, but it's so... Reston-y. We have ways.. of making you recycle.


  1. Busybodyitis: A disease of upper middle class suburbanites feeling guilty about their easy, affluent lifestyle.

    Symptoms: Desire to force people to do what is good for them whether they want to or not; Technocratic tendencies; Controlling behavior; Mania for “eco-friendly” activities; Pretentiousness

    Treatment: Leave the bubble and get out into the real world. Most of the USA is not like the People’s Republic of NoVa.

  2. While I applaud the goal, this is an over-done idea in even this tree-hugging community.

    Next will need neighborhood covenants police, then neighborhood jaywalking and no-smoking-on-the-paths police, and why not no-public-lighting police . . . You get the idea.

  3. Neighborhood Captain, or Captain of Neighborhood Watch? Florida style? "Ve haf vays of dealing viz ze red mulch!"

  4. Never underestimate the ability of Reston's elite 1% of the busiest of busybodies to constantly reinvent a more sustainable version of A Confederacy of Dunces.

    Recyling Job #1 in Reston is to have a 'Neighborhood Captain' organize a clean up of the parking lot of the Soapstone Drive 7-Eleven. These clowns are worried about tire pressure???!!! They should check out that 7-Eleven parking lot on a Monday morning after a hard-core weekend of Redbulll and greasy hotdog debauchery. All that crap is washing into the stream next door and out into Lake Audubon.

    Have you ever wondered about the source of all those 'repurposed' condoms seen floating in Lake Audubon after a heavy rain? Yeah. That's right. Washed downstream from the Soapstone Drive 7-Eleven parking lot.

    How come the Best of Reston never want to take on and solve real problems?

    1. "A Confederacy of Dunces" ... an absolutely prefect description, and classic post!

  5. I think it may be time to begin the Reston Maquis.


  6. Block Captain or Blockhead Captain, what's the difference?

    1. I would hold out for at least "Block Colonel".

  7. Peasant From Less Sought After South RestonApril 25, 2012 at 9:28 PM

    Interesting that the very first of the 12 points of the manifesto is "Cut down on power use". Does this mean the RA will change the DRB guidelines to allow clotheslines so we can all air-dry our laundry in good weather as opposed to using dryers?

    Nah, I didn't think so.

    And MeanDaddyD has it exactly right about what a blight the 7-11 is and how much pollution its clientele produces. Not 7-11's fault, but I wonder if the store ever has the decency to clean up the immediate area around it.

  8. Does this mean that RA is trying to eliminate people wearing hoodies in non RA approved colors?

  9. I've heard from a reliable source that the official "Block Captain" uniform will consist of a mauve hoodie with an off-white front panel.

  10. All neighborhood captains shall report all hooligan running dogd, non-sustainable shirkers and other counter-revolutionaries to their Neighborhood Cadre Coordinator, who in turn, will report to the Central Commitee.


(If you don't see comments for some reason, click here).