The Da Reston Code: Are Subliminal Messages Hidden in DRB Word Find?

We confess we've been somewhat remiss in scouring the latest issue of Reston: The Magazine since uniformed federal agents delivered it to Restonian World Headquarters a week or so back. We hadn't even flipped to our favorite part: the covenants enforcement word find. But our favorite correspondent, The Peasant From Less Sought-After South Reston, stumbled across some shocking subliminal messages:

Whilst idly perusing the latest exciting issue of Reston magazine delivered to the Peasant's hovel by a uniformed federal agent, this edition's wordplay game on page 115 caught my eye because something looked...off. After running the word grid through an array of massive parallel processing TRS-80 supercomputers recently picked up at an NSA garage sale, it became evident that the RA is engaged in a Manchurian Candidate-style mind control plan to indoctrinate Restonians to submit themselves to the DRB and the Orwellian-named "Covenants Committee". Hidden among the 'approved' words such as "aesthetics" and "maintenance" are some much more sinister subliminal messages:

Outlined on the word grid in appropriately-toned blue ink, left to right, top to bottom:

"Huh" -- The correct response by any Restonian while dealing with the DRB or Covenants Committee
"Axe" -- What a Restonian should NEVER take to any tree, especially if it's a...
"Yew" -- We love yew! Bamboo, not so much
"Gung-ho" -- What all Restonians must be at all times when thinking of their bollardy (if Macaroni Grill-less) future
"DRB" -- Don't Resist BigBrother
"Pro" -- What you soon won't find on the Reston National golf course if greedy developers have their way
"Tan" -- "Tan, tan, that's our hue, this paint color's good for you!"
"Weed" -- Die, evil garlic mustard, die!
"Color" -- We love russet brown! Purple, not so much
"Con" -- Definition of a Restonian who smokes on the Glade Trail

As if all this were not bad enough, a second analysis soon revealed something even worse hidden in the grid, something so bad that The Peasant felt compelled to outline it in non-compliant red. The word "no". And, a la that 20th century literary lion Jacqueline Susann, once is apparently not enough for the RA -- 12 times is. Up, down, forward, backwards, diagonal.

"The answer is no. Now what's the question?"

And then there's this:


We're through the looking glass.

With Layoffs, Will Patch Wither on the Vine?

Pour one out for our BFFs at Reston Patch and Herndon Patch, both of whom were laid off yesterday in a massive downsizing of the nationwide network of local news websites, after AOL sold a big chunk of the business. No one seems to know exactly how many journalists were eliminated, but both of our local editors confirmed that they were laid off.


While all 900 Patch sites will supposedly remain open, there's a minor detail: There's no one to staff them at the local level. We can look forward to more dubious data-driven maps, some wacky news, but, more likely than not, not much in the way of Reston-specific information. And how will we keep track of our neighbor to the west's continuing debate over allowing farm animals in backyards?

All joking aside, local journalism matters, and after one of our community newspapers went out of business, we were excited that Patch was created to fill a growing void in very local news coverage. We've seen ample examples of the difference between what matters to Reston and what matters to Fairfax County. Fortunately, there's still Reston Now, the site launched by former Patch editor Karen Goff. And, um, there's this filthy "web log," although we've been told by authoritative sources that we're not experienced journalists, and after watching All the President's Men, we've figured out that we'd actually have to leave the house to do some, whazzitcalled, "reporting." And who knows, maybe the folks at Patch will surprise us, and not turn the local sites into what those of us in the "web logging" business like to call zombie sites:

'Restown' Graffiti: A Rallying Cry, or Just Poor Spelling? An Exclusive Restonian Investigation

Confidential Restonian Operative "Diane" sent us this shocking cellular telephone photo of graffiti in the pedestrian tunnel under Baron Cameron Avenue. So many questions... is this intended to be a symbolic rejection of force-fed development by county officials and a rallying cry for stronger local governance, borrowing a catch phrase adopted by pro-incorporation activists years ago, fighting against the subtle sewage-laced leverage Fairfax County used to keep our favorite earth-toned community from becoming a town in its earliest days? Could this be a sign that the Res-TOWN folks are secretly rallying in the earth-toned shadows? Could this seemingly random graffiti be the "Kuato lives" of Reston?

Or could the taggers just be really crappy spellers? We may never know, the end.

D Day: County Supervisors to Vote on Bollard-Intensive Reston Master Plan; RA Urges Changes Before Adoption (Updated)

After four years, the work of the Reston Master Plan Task Force With an Unpronounceable Acronym (¶) comes full circle: The proposed master plan, which will guide development around Reston's two Metro stations, comes to a vote before the Fairfax Board of Supervisors this afternoon. It's a safe bet to assume it will be approved, although there is a public hearing scheduled for 4:30pm.

The master plan, which was given a D grade by the Reston Citizens Association, has met with opposition from that group, ARCH, and the Reston Association, although the RA ultimately agreed to support the plan. Revisions since made by the county's planning commission have only exacerbated concerns about traffic and the ability of the RA to have a say in future development. Reston 2020's Terry Maynard says this about the last round of changes:

Even the Planning Commission has amended the draft Plan on its way to the Board by cutting out a proposed requirement that new construction be reviewed by RA’s Design Review Board. The likely result: A developer-dominated design review board (if any) that won’t care about architectural excellence—a key Reston planning principle. For example, see the results around Wiehle and Sunset Hills from the previous RCIG Architectural Review Board (ARB). Would you like to see a high-rise version of that asphalt and concrete mess?

Last week, RA President Ken Kneuven wrote a letter to the county supervisors, urging six changes to the plan before it is adopted. They include:

• Stronger language about the role of RA and the Reston Planning & Zoning Committee in approving proposed development
  
• Emphasizing land contributions in lieu of monetary contributions to preserve open space.
  
• Stronger language about the conditions under which additional density will be approved.
  
• Emphasizing the need for 12 new athletic fields in Reston
  
• Emphasizing the need for grade-separated pedestrian and bicycle crossings near the Metro stations, in light of the fact that VDOT's own study apparently pointed out that the traffic light timing needed to keep those areas from perpetual gridlock does "not allow for sufficient pedestrian crossing time." Hey, don't sweat the small stuff!

John Lovaas argues that the master planning process was never a "fair fight" between community interests and developers and their hired guns:

The product bears the gunslingers’ heavy imprint, but is not as terrible as I expected. A central issue, of course, was density. The final stage Plan calls for a lot of high density, especially closest to the stations. The densities, however, are generally appropriate to an urban core, which is what the rail corridor will be. Unfortunately, the type of development reflects the composition of the gunslingers team — that is, far too much commercial vs. residential development. And, it means greater traffic gridlock and less character.

A major difference from our Reston tradition may be the loss of excellence in design and environmental standards. While there is a lot of verbiage about the importance of quality design, the Plan is filled with platitudes and lacking in standards and an institutional mechanism to enforce them. This was made far worse by Ms. Hudgins’ planning commissioner who struck the requirement for design review by the Reston DRB, and substituted developer preferred weasel-wording in its place.

RCA's Colin Mills points out that the real challenge will come after today's vote:

Once the Supervisors approve the Comp Plan revisions, they will take effect. But when the redevelopment proposals start coming in, that’s where the rubber meets the road. If we want the development in the Toll Road corridor to align with our vision for Reston’s future, we must remain engaged with both the Planning Commission and the Board of Supervisors.

Ain't that the truth.

Update: The Fairfax Board of Supervisors postponed a decision on the plan until next month. According to our BFFs at Reston Now, Supervisor Catherine Hudgins pointed to implementation as an unfinished area that needs to be addressed.

Flashback Monday: The 'Serpent Table' That Helped Seal the Deal for Early Reston Homebuyers

Set the controls of the Earth-Toned Wayback Machine to 1964, when this "serpent-shaped concrete table" was dropped into a "promotional playground not so far from the sales office at Reston, Virginia," presumably from a vortex in the space-time continuum that ejected it from an ancient Mayan day-care center ("Lil' Ixkuns"). Being jaded youth who were raised by the teevee and rarely ventured outside, we're not entirely sure what the purpose of this table was, or what sorts of games could be played on it, but the Potemkin children, presumably dropped off promptly at 8:59am by the staff of the "sales office" in hopes of injecting a little verisimilitude into their walking sales pitches, were presumably paid in candy for their part in convincing skeptical homebuyers that their own children would enjoy playing on skull-crackin' concrete abutments. Or maybe they were paid in cigarettes. Or candy cigarettes, the end.

Forget Paris: Tysons Now 'The Emerald City'

If you repeat something enough, maybe it'll become true! Well, when county officials looked at the jumble of concrete and orange construction cones that are Tysons Corner and tried to call it Paris, that, um, didn't quite work. So the boffins behind Tysons' "brand" have gone back to the drawing board:

“Everybody knows this can become the Emerald City of Oz,” said Caplin, the head of the Tysons Partnership group of businesses and other stakeholders. “It’s got the potential. It’s going to be dazzling.”

How's that going to happen? Carefully executed urban planning in which county officials hold developers' feet to the fire and insist on a proper balance of design and amenities to create dense but livable urban space clever marketing!

Caplin’s sights were fixed on a plain gray wall in the middle distance, where he plans to convert a vacant parcel of land near the Tysons Galleria mall into a makeshift town square.

The wall is where lights beamed from the hotel roof and two nearby buildings would converge into a giant work of art, he said. The tops of surrounding buildings will also be bathed in light for what Caplin described as “that big ta-da moment” for Silver Line riders arriving from Washington.

The stagecraft is meant to gloss over what many still see as a soulless landscape of concrete and asphalt, with potential new headaches approaching.

LA LA LA LA CAN'T HEAR YOU

The Post tactfully compared this and other projects to something "out of P.T. Barnum's playbook." But this guy's not alone in trying to deal with another problem that's marring Tysons' Parisian Oz-like aesthetic:

There’s the aesthetic problem of the elevated Silver Line tracks themselves, which turn toward Reston on massive gray concrete pillars that loom over Routes 7 and 123.

Now that they’re up, the tracks are such a “tangle of concrete” that they may deter people from moving to Tysons, said Sol Glasner, general counsel of the Mitre Corp., a nonprofit government contractor that recently broke ground on plans to build an office tower and a parking garage in Tysons.

Sharon Bulova (D), chairwoman of the Fairfax County Board of Supervisors, said she is arranging a meeting to discuss ways to make the pillars more appealing.

“When I first saw the Silver Line infrastructure go in, my heart sank and I thought: ‘Ack. Why didn’t we do something with the concrete to make it more attractive?’ ” Bulova said. “I would like to think that Tysons is going to be a great city, and all great cities incorporate aesthetics and incorporate beauty into their community.”

Caplin hopes to decorate the pillars — cascading colors, perhaps — but Metro officials have demurred on doing anything with them, though they plan on installing art at the four Tysons stations, a spokeswoman said.

Decorated pillars sure sound classy to us!


To be fair, we kind of liked this one idea:

Some of his ideas have fallen flat — like the one in which he tried to persuade a Metrorail official to allow someone dressed as the Lone Ranger to pass out phony silver doubloons to passengers as a way to promote the arrival of the Silver Line.

“She looked at me and said, ‘People under 40 don’t know who the Lone Ranger is,’ ” Caplin recalled. “I was so bummed out.”

We'd suggest this instead to promote the unique Silver Line aesthetic in Tysons:


The combination of irony and musicality would get those Gen X punks on board, that's for sure.

The Best Snow-Clearing Video You'll See All Week

Our BFFs at Patch found this v. v. exciting video of the RA's covert nighttime operations: clearing "55 miles of paths" in something called a "bombardier," which if the name wasn't bad-ass enough, then flying down icy paths in pitch darkness with the windshield wipers running full tilt and some hypnotically blinking light on the dashboard warning the driver they've just turned it up to 11, snow clearing-wise, while some sweeeeet AC/DC plays on the radio (we assume) sure as heck is:

Post by Reston Association.

YEEEEEAH

Lake Anne Developers Plan Open House, Post More Rad Renderings

The developers of the proposed Lake Anne redevelopment have scheduled an open house for the community to learn more about the project for Feb. 3. They've also posted a gallery of rad architectural renderings. Let's take a closer look!

A lovely streetscape looking into the original plaza. Extensive CGI was used to simulate large crowds.

Here's a rendering of new mixed-use retail, complete with "The Lake Market," where future Restonians can.. we dunno, purchase lakes?

Some of the townhouses that will replace the current Crescent Apartments. Pretty groovy, in a Mid-Century meets Moderne sort of way. We're mostly happy that the CGI dog is properly leashed, the end.

Oh Hi, Here is Your Reston 50th Anniversary Logo

Please to be enjoying this logo celebrating our favorite earth-toned community's 50th anniversary. Understated, classy, clean, a bit of the old and a bit of the new -- we (seriously) like it.

We're not exactly graphic designers by trade, but to commemorate the year Metro (probably) makes it to Reston, we'd make one teensy tiny addition to make the logo "pop," as graphic designers almost certainly never say:


You're welcome.

Spotted in the Wild: Premature Silver Line Signage

Some fancy DC "web log" posted this v. v. exciting photo of some Silver Line signage already up and pointing towards our earth-toned community at the Eastern Market Metro station downtown. Wow, we've finally hit the big time! Too bad it's a bit, you know, premature at this point, which means we're just days away from the requisite story about the hapless tourist standing on the platform all day, waiting for a Silver Line train that would never come, all because he wanted to go visit that place he remembered driving up to with his parents back in the 1970s to visit his step-cousin -- the step-cousin he was never really close with because they didn't listen to the same kinds of music or hang out with the same kinds of kids, but his aunt and New Uncle were still pretty cool, and he never quite forgot about how when talked to the aforementioned step-cousin about what he did for fun, he mumbled something about skateboarding at "that weird underground elementary school" before turning back to his dog-eared copy of Oui, the end.

Bombshell(s): Is Hooters Eying Plaza America Site?

Our BFFs at Reston Now have (ahem) uncovered the (ahem) scoop(s) of the decade: the space most recently occupied by midscale chain open-carry firearm enthusiast eatery Champps may soon be occupied by midscale chain girls-n-wings enthusiast eatery Hooters. Give us some good blockquote, BFFs at Reston Now:

The Reston rumor mill is abuzz with word that Hooters, the chain of sports bars with more than 400 locations in 28 countries, has checked out the space that has been empty since Champps abruptly closed in November. Hooters has locations nearby in Fairfax and Chantilly.

It’s not farfetched. The Plaza America space is large, expensive (read: chain friendly) and already laid out for a restaurant. There are thousands of office workers in walking or short-driving distance, who likely both appreciate watching SportsCenter at lunchtime as well as being waited on by Hooters Girls.

At long last, some real benefits to midscale chain-friendly, transit-oriented development. Excelsior!

Of course, these are just rumors at this point, and they're not always accurate. Case in point: Folks were certain that Gold's Gym was going to move into the vacant grocery at Tall Oaks Stucco Wasteland Shopping Center, but instead they opened in... Plaza America. Which means that Hooters will actually open in Tall Oaks. Logic!

In conclusion, we can only hope that the DRB doesn't cite the wait staff for their bright orange shorts (after multiple fact-finding missions, naturally), the end.

Bummer: No Giant Wheelbarrows of Cash as Metro Arrives

It is another truth universally acknowledged that the imminenteventual arrival of Metro service will be good for one thing: gridlock developers midscale chain eateries our property values.

Since we live within "walking distance" of the new station, give or take a few miles, we keep expecting a developer -- ideally wearing a top hat and a Snidely Whiplash mustache -- to appear on the doorstep of Restonian World Headquarters with a couple of wheelbarrows full of cash to make us an offer we can't refuse.


It would be a tough decision, but in the place of our lovely, if somewhat dated, manse would rise a very skinny 97-story condo with excellent exercise facilities whose vowel-free name would resemble a Welsh village. As for us, we'd adjust to writing our fancy new "web log," the Ashburnian (essentially the same thing, only with the incessant references to the Macaroni Grill replaced by incessant references to Wegmans), punctuated by the occasional caviar break and weekend in Gstaad.

But one Realtor has "harshed our buzz," as the kids no longer say (except maybe in Washington and Colorado). Lay it on us, Debbie Downer:

I hear things like "Should I wait for the Wiehle Metro Station to be completed before we sell?" or "How will the Metro effect [sic] my homes [sic] value when it opens?" These are all valid questions and deep down what I think they want me to tell them is that they’ve hit the Metro Lottery and their home’s value is going to spike, just like it did in 2005.

I can already hear it now "But my home is only a 1/2 or a mile from the metro!"; "It's going to double when the metro is done!" Sorry to burst your bubble, but it's not going to happen. Prices have already adjusted in those areas in anticipation of the Metro coming. It's true; homes close to the Metro will always trade at a premium relative to its competition and will hold their value better as the market fluctuates. But a Metro Lottery it is not.

The column's author argues that in general, property values have "returned to 2004 levels" but have not ascended back to the lofty heights of 2005 and 2006.

With continued home inventory remaining low, interest rates holding steady at low levels, and the continued growth that we will experience as the Metro opens in Reston, I foresee a 3-5 percent appreciation per year over the next 5 years.

Bo-ring. If we wanted a 3-5 percent return, we'd invest in tax-free municipal bonds or pork bellies. We want to be where the action is!

Reston: The YouTube Film Festival

Hope you have some spare time this weekend, because you'll want to pop some popcorn and settle in in front of your YouTube machine as you binge-watch all six videos submitted for the Reston 'My Community' video contest. Even though our awesome submission was somehow overlooked -- and our favorite Reston-themed music video was also snubbed -- the rest of the video offerings are almost as good. (Actually, they're all pretty cool, though we'd lose valuable Snark Points if we just came out and said that.)


The first entry is a historical piece on the Reston Farmer's Market and one of our community's most cherished activities -- duking it out over zoning ordinances. Though the market won a battle with county officials in the 1980s, development prompted it to shut its doors in 1997.



Here's a cute kid describing one of Lake Anne's brutalist adornments as a "moon viewing platform," which we learn was a Mayan practice, minus (we hope) the human sacrifices.



An off-brand cover of the Footloose theme adorns this video about the creation of a Reston mural we've analyzed in some depth. Bob Simon makes a Hitchcockesque cameo appearance in this one.



In this video, Sophie tells us why she likes living in Reston. "We feed the ducks," she tells us. But does she want to live here when she grows up? Sorry, no spoilers.



This one's a visual tour de force. If music could approximate soothing DRB-approved earth tones, its soundtrack would do just that.



This one conclusively proves that Reston is a dog's life. Oscars all around, especially for the costume staff who provided our canine navigator with more wardrobe changes than a Lady GaGa concert.

The winner gets a respectable $1,000. You're supposed to be able to vote for your favorite video, but for the life of us we can't figure out how to; we'll update this if someone clues us in on how to work this "web browser" thing the kids keep talking about, the end.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Your Twitter Snap of the Day

Well played, "TexterManley," well played.

Grading on a Curve, Pt. II: Reston's "D" Master Plan Gets New Bad Marks, Disses DRB in Process (Updated)

As the awesome Reston master plan governing Metro-oriented development approved late last year by the Reston Task Force With an Interminable Name (¶) prepares to be put to a vote by the Fairfax County Planning Commission later this week, our BFFs at Reston2020 point out that further revisions have actually made the plan, already given a "D" letter grade by the Reston Citizens Association, even worse:

The Fairfax County Planning Commission (FCPC) posted its edited version of the draft Reston Master Plan on its website yesterday. The draft makes about a dozen "substantive" changes and a roughly equal number of what it calls "clarifications" and "editorial" changes. None of the changes incorporate any of the proposals offered in the joint RA-RCA-ARCH statement sent to the Department of Planning and Zoning on October 28, 2013 and representing the view of Reston's elected officials and 60,000 residents.

On the other hand, the revised draft proposes the adoption of no fewer than six “substantive” changes offered by individual landowners and developers or their attorneys. These include changes that:

• Allow additional “bonus” density for contributions to Corridor crossings above the already generous proposed development standards and "bonus" density;

• Add monetary contributions in addition to "in kind" contributions for vitally needed infrastructure improvements, money that rarely is adequate compensation and will almost certainly not be applied to Reston infrastructure needs.

What could possibly go wrong? A few thousand bucks from a developer would surely be enough to buy a whole truckload of bollards.

But here's where it gets "fun." Our BFFs at Reston 2020 claim that along with ignoring the input of the RA, ARCH and RCA, the planning commission's Hunter Mill representative "has proposed to eliminate the requirement for RA Design Review Board of new construction, thereby limiting the community’s ability to assure architectural excellence that is a key planning principle."

Dissing the DRB? OH NO HE DIDNT

And there's more!

So what community needs doesn't this revised draft address as outlined in the letter signed by the President's of Reston's three leading civic groups (RA, RCA, ARCH) and other actions?

• It fails to constrain "bonus" development to the first quarter-mile around the stations. Per the above, the new language includes the opportunity for additional "bonus" density above the standards, and includes the entirety of the 1/2-mile transit-oriented development (TOD) area.

• There are no limitations on building height, even beyond the TOD areas (i.e.--Town Center North).

• Limits the requirement to develop athletic fields to one per station area (a total of three) when the County's "adjust urban standard" calls for 12 and the County's planning guidance calls for 25.

• Does not call for a traffic "level of service (LOS) "E" (the lowest "passing" grade, which permits intersection delays ups to 80 seconds) at the gateway intersections near the Dulles Toll Road, assuring massive traffic gridlock during peak periods.

• Does not call for the use of grade-separated crossings at the gateway intersections, adding to traffic delays, reducing pedestrian and bicyclist access, and creating pedestrian-bicylist safety threat.

• Continues the generic problem of not addressing implementation issues, especially how to raise and apply the more than one billion dollars that will be required for Corridor transportation improvements.

• Fails to correct the Task Force's vote to change the open space requirement from a 20% "minimum" to a "target" undermining Reston's longstanding planning principle of providing abundant and diverse open space for all.

Wow. Four years of "community input" for this?



You can read the revised plan here.

Update: The county planning commission unanimously approved the master plan, with a few caveats to the new changes. It now goes to the county Board of Supervisors for final approval.

Breaking: Winter-Like Weather Disrupts Reston Winter

At considerable personal expense, we installed a state-of-the-art weather station at Restonian World Headquarters to provide the kind of hyperlocal, data-driven weather information you just won't get from the "lamestream" media. Pay no attention to the peeling (yet DRB-friendly) trim and behold the freezing doom that awaits us today and despair, the end.

Flashback Monday: Reston's Own Serial Bank Robber Oddly Chose Not to Call Himself the "Brown's Chapel Bandit"

It is a truth universally acknowledged that before the planned community that was Reston rose Babel-like from the wild hills and hollers of western Fairfax in the 1960s, the denizens of the land that would someday become manicured clusters and (for now) golf courses were, to put it nicely, homicidal nudists. But did you know that the fertile, Russet Brown soil of Hunter Mill also produced one of the most prolific bank robbers in U.S. history?

Scott Scurlock, born William Scott Scurlock and nicknamed the "Hollywood Bandit" or simply "Hollywood", was a bank robber in the state of Washington during the 1990s. He was a master of disguise, using Hollywood quality make-up he successfully robbed dozens of banks in the Seattle area. He killed himself after police caught up to him following a botched robbery which led to a shootout. The number of robberies, 15 in total, and the amounts stolen, almost $2.3 million, made him one of the most prolific bank robbers in U.S. history.

Scurlock was apparently born in 1955 in Reston, even though Reston didn't exist at that point. So was he a time-traveling bank robber? Apparently no, though this biography doesn't shed much light on his pre-Reston upbringing:

Scott had three sisters, two older and one younger. Although religious, his parents were extremely permissive and Scott grew up without guidelines, never developing a moral compass. He understood the difference between right and wrong, but didn’t care. Acquaintances described Scott’s personality as charming, charismatic, and extremely manipulative. Like Peter Pan, Scott never grew up or accepted adult responsibilities, but tenaciously clung to his adolescent interests and attitudes.

There's also a book about his exploits if you're into such things, though we think we'll stick to true crime stories that fall a bit closer to home, the end.

Snowmaggedonpocalypsewherearethesnowplowsgate '14: Our Continuing Restonian Team Coverage

This concludes our Continuing Restonian Team Coverage of Snowmaggedonpocalypsewherearethesnowplowsgate '14 (tm). Thank you for your time and attention.