News and notes from Reston (tm).

Monday, July 18, 2022

The Wonder Down Under: Yet Another Reston Doppelganger Unearthed

Over the years, the Restonian Amalgamated Web Logs and Extruded Pork Products Worldwide's Earth Toned Web Logging Machine has visited Restons in Canada, Scotland, England, Florida, and Illinois. But now, for the first time, we've discovered evidence of a Reston on the side of the planet where water circles the drain counterclockwise.

Our favorite correspondent, the Peasant from Less Sought After South Reston, files this report:

Waking up with a startle and a snort from his long pandemic-induced stupor worthy of Rip Van Winkle, The Peasant once more found himself hurtling through the Internet tubes to land in yet alternate universe Reston…this one Down Under.  

Whilst firing up his state of the art Windows 95 operating system to reset the MSN default location for weather info from Sought After Oakton to Less Sought After South Reston, The Peasant was intrigued to find one suggested “Reston” option was “Reston Homestead, South Australia”.  Good on you, mate; our parallel universe has now expanded beyond England, Scotland, and Manitoba.  Can New Zealand be far behind?

Just a boomerang’s throw away from the Flinders Highway and a mere five miles or so from Streaky Bay, a coastal town on the western side of the Eyre Peninsula in South Australia, we find Reston Park, described as a “homestead.”  Given that name, we cannot escape the mental image of Crocodile Dundee as a latter-day sodbusting Charles “Pa” Ingalls at his Little House on The Outback, hitching up the ‘roos to plow the back 40 while Ma Ingalls throws a shrimp or two on the barbie (although, hopefully, the shrimp are not caught locally in a body of water called Streaky Bay) and breaks out that epitome of ‘Strine haute cuisine, Vegemite.   

Further research on The Google reveals that Reston Homestead appears to be mostly desolate scrub brush, so we are not certain what agricultural cornucopia is being produced on Crocodile Ingalls’ spread.  Nevertheless, we get teary-eyed thinking of our shared agricultural legacy, such as our own Fairfax farming forebears of the 1930s and 1940s tilling the soil despite the homicidal nudists cavorting around them. [ed. note: someone check the history of Streaky Bay.]

After a hard day down on the homestead, Crocodile Ingalls and the missus can head into town for the bright city lights of Streaky Bay, population 1,378, maybe for a round or two at the Streaky Bay golf course, which from the sight of it does not seem in imminent danger of being snapped up for redevelopment.  Afterwards, perhaps a repast at the Bayfunktion CafĂ© that touts its “fabulous funky food.”  And if the Ingalls wish to take a vacay elsewhere, they can fly out of Streaky Bay International Airport, an aerodrome that puts Dulles to shame.

While contemplating whether a move to Reston Homestead and Streaky Bay would be an attractive retirement option, we discover however that just as our Scottish counterpart has a certain problem with mutant rodents, our Aussie counterpart has its own rodent issue.  Namely, mice.  Lots of mice.  A veritable plague of biblical proportions of mice that occurs every four years.

As Streaky Bay farmer Leon Williams told the Australian Broadcasting Corporation, "You come out here in the night time and it's just literally a moving mass of mice in their millions."  Or, as that paragon of UK journalism, The Sun, headlined it, “MILLIONS of rodents terrorize residents every four years.”

 Guess we’ll stay in Virginia after all!     

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