Snowmageddonpocalypseblizzardapoxondumbstormnames2016 (tm): Our Dumb Live Web Log

Have you heard? It apparently might snow a little bit over the next few days. Not to be confused with the snow last Wednesday night, which proved that less than an inch of snow is enough to bring the capital city of the most powerful nation that ever existed to a complete standstill and makes us really confident about the weekend to come.

We'll keep updating until the power goes out, civil society collapses and we have to resort to human cannibalism, or we get totally bored with the whole "snow" thing. Whichever comes first.

- - -

9:30 am, 1/24:

As a capricious sun rises over our no longer earth-toned community, we can take stock of all that has happened as we turn to the arduous task of digging ourselves out -- both literally and metaphorically speaking. What Did It All Mean?

It meant that it snowed.

9:50 pm, 1/23:

Our sentiments exactly.

6:50 pm, 1/23: Night falls on a planned community still besieged by falling snow. The tension is palpable. What will tomorrow bring?

Probably snow.

Here's a fancy YouTubes video from our BFFs at the Reston Association about the "bomb," which when it comes to clearing pathways, is apparently "the bomb," as the kids haven't said for at least a couple of years, and maybe longer.

Still, like this earlier and even more awesome RA video, it gives us hope that while we won't be able to drive to the grocery store for a week, the paths will be clear enough for us to resort to human cannibalism in the next cluster over instead of inconveniencing our neighbors.

Not that the thought of human cannibalism has ever occurred to us.

Our favorite gritty urban core. Again, THINK OF ALL THE LOOSE TEA LEAVES GOING UNSEEPED AND ALL THE GOURMET CUPCAKES GOING UNCONSUMED.

At least there's one happy customer.

4:36 pm, 1/23: Cabin fever is starting to set in:

4:20 pm, 1/23: Pretty boss time-lapse.

. @capitalweather time-lapse of #Snowzilla blizzard between 2PM and 2AM yesterday from my balcony in Reston, VA pic.twitter.com/mD64XparJx

— Evan Luzi (@evanluzi) January 23, 2016

2:14 pm, 1/23:

THE STRUGGLE IS REAL.

10:51 am, 1/23: We're stone cold playing Reston Snow Photo Bingo again:

Not bad. Chair and table gets the upper right square.

Gas grill of questionable operational status? Bottom left square. That weird metal structure with a swinging chair? Free space.

Sagging, soon to be overtaxed hammock? CIRCLE GETS THE SQUARE.

10:40 am, 1/23: The obligatory yardstick photo:

Since it's North Reston snow, it must be fluffier and tastier than the stuff that fell in South Reston or (shudder) Lake Anne.

Even the plows are getting stuck:

Pretty:

6:05 pm, 1/22:

As we cross the four-inch threshold, the first of many yardstick photos we've seen on the Twitters. Freud would be delighted.

6:01 pm, 1/22: We're still trying to figure out if this guy is trolling.

4:35 pm, 1/22: The latest from Reston Town Center.

WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF ALL THE APPLE PRODUCTS NOT BEING SOLD AND ALL THE MIDSCALE CHAIN APPETIZERS NOT BEING EATEN.

This next one's pretty artsy, actually.

Once the power goes out, there's not going to be much difference between those art installations and all those poorly insulated 1960s homes.

3:17 pm, 1/22: Think we're going to start playing Reston Snow Picture Bingo:

Multiple grills of varying fuel source and functionality? Check.

Decking stained a tasteful, DRB-friendly wood tone? Check.

Squirrel-resistant bird feeder? Check.

If there had just been a tasteful wind chime, we would have won it all.

2:35 pm, 1/22:

One good thing about being part of an HOA: snowplows. But if that photo is really from fancy North Reston, why isn't it a Range Rover pushing a plow blade?

1:01 pm, 1/22:

This guy GETS IT. We're through the looking glass, sheeple!

12:56 pm, 1/22:

The least surprising development of the day.

12:42 pm, 1/22: The first flakes. IT BEGINS.

12:33 pm, 1/22: While we wait patiently (not patiently) for the snow to start falling, we could use a little distraction. How about this?

After a comprehensive investigation, detectives learned than an unknown person was using the alias of “Ron Burgundy” and operating a “sex club” out of an apartment on Northgate Square in Reston. The person was advertising online and charging a fee to engage in various sexual acts with a prostitute.

Perfect. Thanks, FCPD!

12:24pm, 1/22:

It only seems calm:

11:08 am, 1/22:

And lo, the fourth horseman of Snowpocalypse 2016. And horsemen #5, 6, 7, and 8.

8:51 am, 1/22:

What's the old sailors' expression? Red skies at morning, we'll all be trapped for days in a snowstorm that will deprive us of our weekend trip to Target, where there's no queso dip to be had anyway?

Yeah, that sounds right.

10:12 pm, 1/21:

NO GAS. The third horseman of Snowpocalypse2016 runs on unleaded.

8:27 pm, 1/21:

Buzzkill.

But that's okay. We were getting tired of pictures of threadbare grocery shelves anyway. You know what's better? Pictures of hoarded shovels.

That's the ticket.

5:44 pm, 1/21: The leading name for the upcoming snowstorm? According to this online poll, it's Make Winter Great Again. We should have enough snow to build a pretty hoooooooooge wall. If it comes down to cannibalism, as we would never ever suggest, we might be glad we did.

The RA issued a Very Important press release saying, among other things, that all RA programs, meetings, and events will be canceled after noon on Friday. So you needn't worry about trudging through eight-foot snowdrifts to argue with the DRB about the shade of green on your garage door.

Do you want some more photos of bare grocery shelves? Yes, yes you do.

The second horseman of Snowpocalypse 2016 is apparently NOT lactose intolerant.

8:18 am, 1/21: Despite the bright sunshine, Fairfax County Schools are closed today, presumably because officials felt students were getting a good enough learning experience with those "21st century skills" like Photoshop and Twittering.

See you in April, kids!

10:55 p.m., 1/20:

The Reston Target on Wednesday night, courtesy of Twitter Operative "Kim." The first horseman of Snowpocalypse2016 (tm) apparently came for the bread.

Have we mentioned this picture was taken approximately 36 hours before the first flakes are supposed to fall?

10:40 p.m., 1/20:

Makes total sense. Which is why they'll bring in snowplows to clear the leaves next fall.