News and notes from Reston (tm).

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Trigger Warning: This Is What Living In A Planned Community Will Do To You

Pipeline Our favorite correspondent, The Peasant From Less Sought-After South Reston, checks in with this horrifying tale of an HOA resident who went off the earth-toned reservation:

Trigger warning! A micro-aggression has been committed against the Aesthetic Safe Space (or ASS) of Reston -- and the citizenry is in revolt!

Whilst driving his ox cart in the nether regions of Less Sought After South Reston, the Peasant was roused out of his Arctic-induced stupor by the sight of righteous Restonians fighting back against the violation of their earth-toned goodness. We have all seen local utility companies butchering Mother Nature's arboreal children in the name of "tree trimming", telecom companies digging up local roadways just repaved by VDOT, and the like. But at least one rebellious resident has channeled his or her:

A) inner Howard Beale from "Network", shouting out of his earth-toned, DRB-approved-shade-of-brown double-hung window, "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!", or

B) inner Sally Field from "Norma Rae", dramatically holding up the UNION sign the corner of Soapstone and Glade, Reston's own Howard Beale/Norma Rae has expressed in no uncertain terms a verdict about the bright orange and white sign poles that are utility company equivalents of those annoyingly pretentious "Baby on Board!" decals seen on Volvo station wagons rolling around such crunchy granola People's Republics as Takoma Park or Cleveland Park (but certainly not Ashburn).

Right on, micro-aggrieved brother or sister!

Then again...this could be genius-level subliminal messaging by the Democratic Party, because as we all know, just as you can't spell Chipotle without E Coli, you can't spell Eyesore without Winnie the Pooh's BFF Eeyore -- and according to the Wicked-pedia definition, Eeyore is "generally characterized as a pessimistic, gloomy, depressed, old grey stuffed donkey."

Not that we necessarily think any local politicians fit that description, of course.

If it's open season on eyesores in Reston, we think we're going to need a bigger roll of black electrical tape.

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