News and notes from Reston (tm).

Sunday, January 24, 2016

Snowmageddonpocalypseblizzardapoxondumbstormnames2016 (tm): Our Dumb Live Web Log

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Have you heard? It apparently might snow a little bit over the next few days. Not to be confused with the snow last Wednesday night, which proved that less than an inch of snow is enough to bring the capital city of the most powerful nation that ever existed to a complete standstill and makes us really confident about the weekend to come.

We'll keep updating until the power goes out, civil society collapses and we have to resort to human cannibalism, or we get totally bored with the whole "snow" thing. Whichever comes first.

- - -

9:30 am, 1/24:

As a capricious sun rises over our no longer earth-toned community, we can take stock of all that has happened as we turn to the arduous task of digging ourselves out -- both literally and metaphorically speaking. What Did It All Mean?

It meant that it snowed.

9:50 pm, 1/23:

Our sentiments exactly.

6:50 pm, 1/23: Night falls on a planned community still besieged by falling snow. The tension is palpable. What will tomorrow bring?

Night falls

Probably snow.

Here's a fancy YouTubes video from our BFFs at the Reston Association about the "bomb," which when it comes to clearing pathways, is apparently "the bomb," as the kids haven't said for at least a couple of years, and maybe longer.

Still, like this earlier and even more awesome RA video, it gives us hope that while we won't be able to drive to the grocery store for a week, the paths will be clear enough for us to resort to human cannibalism in the next cluster over instead of inconveniencing our neighbors.

Not that the thought of human cannibalism has ever occurred to us.

RTC

Our favorite gritty urban core. Again, THINK OF ALL THE LOOSE TEA LEAVES GOING UNSEEPED AND ALL THE GOURMET CUPCAKES GOING UNCONSUMED.

Dog View of RTC

At least there's one happy customer.

4:36 pm, 1/23: Cabin fever is starting to set in:

Swimmer

Jogger

Ski

4:20 pm, 1/23: Pretty boss time-lapse.

2:14 pm, 1/23:

THE STRUGGLE IS REAL.

10:51 am, 1/23: We're stone cold playing Reston Snow Photo Bingo again:

Pic 0

Not bad. Chair and table gets the upper right square.

Pic 1

Gas grill of questionable operational status? Bottom left square. That weird metal structure with a swinging chair? Free space.

Circle gets the square

Sagging, soon to be overtaxed hammock? CIRCLE GETS THE SQUARE.

10:40 am, 1/23: The obligatory yardstick photo:

Yardstick

Since it's North Reston snow, it must be fluffier and tastier than the stuff that fell in South Reston or (shudder) Lake Anne.

Even the plows are getting stuck:

Stuck

Stuck2

Pretty:

Pretty

6:05 pm, 1/22:

YARDSTICK

As we cross the four-inch threshold, the first of many yardstick photos we've seen on the Twitters. Freud would be delighted.

6:01 pm, 1/22: We're still trying to figure out if this guy is trolling.

Trolling or Not

4:35 pm, 1/22: The latest from Reston Town Center.

RTC

WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF ALL THE APPLE PRODUCTS NOT BEING SOLD AND ALL THE MIDSCALE CHAIN APPETIZERS NOT BEING EATEN.

This next one's pretty artsy, actually.

Artsy RTC

Once the power goes out, there's not going to be much difference between those art installations and all those poorly insulated 1960s homes.

3:17 pm, 1/22: Think we're going to start playing Reston Snow Picture Bingo:

Multigrill

Multiple grills of varying fuel source and functionality? Check.

Decking stained a tasteful, DRB-friendly wood tone? Check.

Squirrel-resistant bird feeder? Check.

If there had just been a tasteful wind chime, we would have won it all.

2:35 pm, 1/22:

One bene of HOA

One good thing about being part of an HOA: snowplows. But if that photo is really from fancy North Reston, why isn't it a Range Rover pushing a plow blade?

1:01 pm, 1/22:

Screen Shot 2016 01 22 at 12 56 59 PM  2

This guy GETS IT. We're through the looking glass, sheeple!

12:56 pm, 1/22:

No surprise

The least surprising development of the day.

12:42 pm, 1/22: The first flakes. IT BEGINS.

Screen Shot 2016 01 22 at 12 45 21 PM

12:33 pm, 1/22: While we wait patiently (not patiently) for the snow to start falling, we could use a little distraction. How about this?

After a comprehensive investigation, detectives learned than an unknown person was using the alias of “Ron Burgundy” and operating a “sex club” out of an apartment on Northgate Square in Reston. The person was advertising online and charging a fee to engage in various sexual acts with a prostitute.
Perfect. Thanks, FCPD!

12:24pm, 1/22:

Screen Shot 2016 01 22 at 12 14 31 PM  2

It only seems calm:

11:08 am, 1/22:

Screen Shot 2016 01 22 at 10 38 36 AM  2

And lo, the fourth horseman of Snowpocalypse 2016. And horsemen #5, 6, 7, and 8.

8:51 am, 1/22:

Red Skies

What's the old sailors' expression? Red skies at morning, we'll all be trapped for days in a snowstorm that will deprive us of our weekend trip to Target, where there's no queso dip to be had anyway?

Yeah, that sounds right.

10:12 pm, 1/21:

NO GAS

NO GAS. The third horseman of Snowpocalypse2016 runs on unleaded.

8:27 pm, 1/21:

Buzzkill

Buzzkill.

But that's okay. We were getting tired of pictures of threadbare grocery shelves anyway. You know what's better? Pictures of hoarded shovels.

Shovels

That's the ticket.

5:44 pm, 1/21: The leading name for the upcoming snowstorm? According to this online poll, it's Make Winter Great Again. We should have enough snow to build a pretty hoooooooooge wall. If it comes down to cannibalism, as we would never ever suggest, we might be glad we did.

The RA issued a Very Important press release saying, among other things, that all RA programs, meetings, and events will be canceled after noon on Friday. So you needn't worry about trudging through eight-foot snowdrifts to argue with the DRB about the shade of green on your garage door.

Do you want some more photos of bare grocery shelves? Yes, yes you do.

Bare shelves 1

Bare shelves 2

The second horseman of Snowpocalypse 2016 is apparently NOT lactose intolerant.

8:18 am, 1/21: Despite the bright sunshine, Fairfax County Schools are closed today, presumably because officials felt students were getting a good enough learning experience with those "21st century skills" like Photoshop and Twittering.

CloseFCPS

See you in April, kids!

10:55 p.m., 1/20:

Kstansbu 2016 Jan 20

The Reston Target on Wednesday night, courtesy of Twitter Operative "Kim." The first horseman of Snowpocalypse2016 (tm) apparently came for the bread.

Have we mentioned this picture was taken approximately 36 hours before the first flakes are supposed to fall?

10:40 p.m., 1/20:

Leaf blowers

Makes total sense. Which is why they'll bring in snowplows to clear the leaves next fall.

7 comments:

  1. I heard our neighbors in Vienna are tastier than Restonians. Just sayin'.

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  2. Maybe it's due to the severe lack of midscale chain eateries there.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm beyond bored already with all the snow talk from the weather forecasters on tv. It is amazing I haven't thrown something through the tv by now!! Loved your post - gave me a giggle...

    Linda in VA

    ReplyDelete
  4. The humanity, the humanity . . . !

    ReplyDelete
  5. Have we all decided which annoying neighbor will be the first up on the menu when conditions really deteriorate?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Peasant From Less Sought After South RestonJanuary 24, 2016 at 9:40 AM

    In the theatre of the slightly absurd, I just saw two riders on horseback plodding westward on an otherwise deserted Lawyers Road in the middle of the blizzard. Has Justin Trudeau sent the Royal Canadian Mounted Police to our rescue?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Speaking of the bombs, or whatever they're called, why haven't they done any plowing yet? Very surprised to see many paths untouched today, requiring wading through knee deep snow.

    ReplyDelete

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