News and notes from Reston (tm).

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Shocker: Alien Artifact Materializes in South Reston

Our favorite correspondent, the Peasant from Less Sought After South Reston, checks in with this disturbing cellular telephone photograph. He writes:
Proof positive now exists that a multi-dimensional vortex of paranormal energy is emanating from the intersection of Twin Branches and Glade in Less Sought After South Reston.  Alert Restonian readers might remember this was the exact same spot where, several years ago, our own version of the Beast of Berwickshire lay sprawled across the roadway after apparently gnawing its way to freedom out of the RA's Penal Re-Education Colony for Wayward Beavers farther upstream.  And now we have this...alien artifact...gracing our roadway.
So many theories to ponder:
1)  Could this be the version 2.0 personal mobility vehicle of Spielberg's loveable alien botanist ET, who has returned to Earth to check out how the reforestation of the Glade streambed is going?
2)  Is it IPAR's newest high-falutin' art installation, stylistically representing a vowel-less Vanna White's wheel of misfortune?
3)  Given the VW logo on the tire, is it battle debris just now uncovered from the final offensive of the Wehrmacht's little-remembered Northern Virginia campaign?
4)  Or, perhaps most intriguing of all, is this a prototype of a new mass transit option for Restonians that will render redundant the Fairfax Connector?  On opening day of our glorious Silver Line, we envision hordes of local commuters wheeling down to Wiehle from all points of the compass on these hipster-inspired unicycles in a procession of thousands led by Dear Leader Bob, CEO Cate, Supervisor Cathy, and VDOT Engineer Randy.
On second thought, what with this mysterious artifact having materialized the weekend before Election Day, we conclude that in fact it was subliminal political advertising.  We just are not sure whether it represented the sum total of what Terry McAuliffe was able to sell to Cuba on his trip there, Ken Cuccinelli's transportation plan for Virginia, or a desperate cry for help from Robert Sarvis to be taken seriously.
Rumors that this was merely the remnants of a car accident proved too far-fetched to take seriously.


  1. Hey! You scratched my ARMCO!!!

  2. The RA has posted wanted signs to determine who that belongs to so they can be appropriately fined by their crack SS Inspectors.

  3. I think this fine piece of statuary is one of GRACE's Public Access Art works.

  4. Mobile colonoscopy unit maybe?


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