News and notes from Reston (tm).

Wednesday, October 24, 2018

On Reston's Trails, The Nanny State Is Alive And Well

Welcome back, animated gifs from 1997

You'd think, what with America being Great Again and whatnot, all those pesky gumbint regulations would be null and void, and we'd finally be free to smoke our Juul, or whatever the kids call it these days, as we fire our anti-aircraft guns loaded with extra copies of The Fountainhead into the center of Lake Newport, because freedom.

Well silly rabbits, you'd be wrong, because in the objectively socialist People's Republic of Reston, the NANNY STATE is alive and well, still telling us we can't smoke on Reston Association property with its oppressive, freedom-robbin' signs. Thankfully, as our favorite correspondent, the Peasant from Less Sought After South Reston, points out, some Right Thinking Americans recently struck a blow for freedom, only to be harshly repressed by representatives of the Deep (Ochre) State. Here's his account:

While out and about (or, as they would say in Reston, Manitoba, “oot and aboot”) in our autumnal woodlands recently, the Peasant From Less Sought After South Reston stumbled across evidence of yet another rip in the social fabric that binds all Restonians together.

Remember when our earth-toned overlords at the RA decided to order those overpriced special signs banning smoking in our protected open space? Apparently some unwoke anti-social element – perhaps a dissolute youth with the snarky screen name of “Nick O’Tine” – took exception to this diktat and pushed back with an in-your-face “LOL”. Such impudence of course could not go unanswered, so…Nanny State to the rescue!

Who was Nanny? We cannot help but think that a latter day Miss Emily Litella, as immortalized by Gilda Radner from the original Saturday Night Live cast, with her knickers all cattywampus and having a conniption fit (to use two phrases we say here Deep in the Heart of Dixie Reston, bless your heart), made the sincere if somewhat futile editorial reply to LOL.

So, as Nanny Litella might state in all her befuddled glory on the RA YouTube channel, “What’s all this fuss I keep hearing about that hell is no laughing matter? Of course it’s not! Who wants to get poked in the wazoo with a pitchfork for all eternity...”

(Alarmed RA functionary intervenes) “Nanny Litella, that’s health is no laughing matter, not hell.”

“Oh. Never mind”.

Health is other people.

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