News and notes from Reston (tm).

Friday, October 6, 2017

We're #29! Why Reston Is Exactly One Better Than Ashburn To Live In

ZOMG, someone rouse Kasey Kasem from his unmarked grave in Norway, because the annual Money Magazine list of the Best Exurban Sprawly Places to Live was released a few weeks back, and our beloved earth-toned community was ranked #29 -- tumbling 22 big notches since its apex in the Top 10 back in ought-twelve (frankly, we blame the decline on the loss of Reston's #1 amenity). But we could care less about that, because we ranked exactly one place above Ashburn, our Wegmans-loving, Metro-curious particleboard Nirvana to the west. Ha! Science (or at least lazy magazine listicle generators) has conclusively proven we're one better!

Here's what MoneyTimeCNNSportsIllustratedJuggs says about Reston:

Today, the thriving Washington, D.C., suburb offers a woodsy atmosphere that includes expanses of parks, lakes, golf courses, and bridle paths. Over 50 miles of pathways were designed to weave in and around its communities to increase pedestrian safety and to ensure that most residents’ homes were no more than a half-mile walk to village centers.
Or desolate stucco wastelands soon to be populated with zombielike CGI grannies. Same dif!

But who cares what they say, because of this:

Really, this should be the cover of the next Reston: The Magazine.

But how did the Money listicle-elves make this highly scientific calculation that put us one step above Ashburn? Their metrics change a bit each year and are somewhat opaque, but we do know that it's not the number of clear days a year (197 in both places). Here's our own take:

Stucco and T-111 plywoodParticleboard and one-sided brick frontsTie
Bocce dadsSoccer momsAshburn
"We're not dead, we're Reston""Ca$hburn"Ashburn
Beer available lakesideBeer available in dark movie theaterReston
WoonerfWinding cul-de-sacsReston
Transit-oriented developmentHanding out building permits like candy on HalloweenUm, Reston, we guess?
Reality of deteriorating, unreliable MetroSilver Line fever!Ashburn
Giddy anticipation of Wegmans comingEnnui, bloating from one too many prepared Wegmans mealsReston
Historical markerTotally fake historyReston
Elite Town Center as key amenityLoudoun One, obviously less elite because parking is freeReston

Honestly, it looks like elite paid parking put us over the top, the end.

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