Wednesday, August 26, 2015
The presidential election's more than a year out, but here at Restonian Election Central, we're ready to call it. Based on a scientific sampling of the one (1) campaign sign we've seen out and about in our earth-toned community and Reston's longstanding history as an archipelago of liberalism in a reddish Virginia, we can confirm that Bernie Sanders has locked up 100 percent of the crucial Reston vote*.
"Inquiring minds want to know: did we beat the Deep Red People's Nuclear-Free Zone Republic of Takoma Park to the punch?" asks Confidential Restonian Operative "Bern Notice," who supplied this cellular telephone photo of Reston's only campaign sign on Sunrise Valley Drive.
Go ahead and get your free monies and college educations now, folks, because the people have spoken.
* (estimated margin of error of +/- 100 percent)