News and notes from Reston (tm).

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Reston 2024: How Our Earth-Toned Community Could Profit From DC's Olympic Bid

Laff-a-Lympics.jpgOh, DC, you never cease to amuse us, what with your Big Dreams to host the 2024 Olympics (SRLSLY?)

Of course, if this were to come to pass by some enormous oversight by the Olympic committee, plus bribes chance, some events would have to be held across the region, and Reston would clearly be a shoo-in. We're already slated to be the athletes village for the 2015 Annual World Police and Fire Games, so we've got Olympic Cred (and a bitchin' Uno's Chipolte's). Plus, by 2024, there's a good chance the Silver Line will be up and running, and maybe even have sidewalks and bridges and whatnot leading to our many Olympic venues.

So what events could Reston host? Is golf an Olympic sport? If so, put that one down as a solid "maybe" for 2024.

Cycling? The W&OD is an ideal venue, with the possible exception of a few pesky obstacles.

Everyone loves the swimming events, and while we may or may not have a bitchin' new indoor pool by 2024, one of our by-then many mauvescrapers would provide a dramatic venue for the high-dive events. Just get a big bucket of water for the parking lot civic plaza.

Equestrian events could be performed in a rebuilt stable, with sweeeeeet Olympic dollars supplanting RA assessments. Ski events could be held on the hill behind the Unitarian Church on Wiehle Avenue. The mind boggles!

Of course, DC is making the bid with Baltimore, so they'd have to throw an event or two over to our Maryland doppelganger. Also, due to DRB regulations, all medals would have to be bronze burnt ember, the end.


  1. Reston provides a natural setting for pentathlon. The events of the pentathlon, fencing, shooting, running etc. showcase the skills a soldier must exhibit to escape from behind enemy lines.

    Reston trails are a natural pentathlon venue. Instead of competing against one another, the contestants must evade or survive the violent thugs.

  2. Cycling on the W&OD sounds nice but this may be better... let's start doing road diets on Reston Parkway, Sunrise Valley, South Lakes, Baron Cameron and Fairfax County Parkway... because you know we can, and not making sense makes sense around here! After all traffic will be reduced *dramatically* once the new Silver (bullet) line opens! Yay!

  3. Peasant From Less Sought After South RestonAugust 30, 2013 at 9:53 AM

    In line with the two excellent suggestions above, I'd like to propose a third: the first-ever Olympics summer biathlon, to be held on Lake Thoreau and commemorating Andrew Wren's legendary November 2009 canoe getaway after his burglary of the ABC store in South Lakes.

    In this exciting night-time sporting event, teams of two will race their canoes along a 500 meter course while simuiltaneously evading Fairfax County police helicopters and DRB Predator drones trying to capsize them. Crews of the surviving canoes will then perform synchronized swimming routines near the shoreline. Bonus points awarded for any team that finds the missing top-shelf liquors that fell to the bottom of the lake after Wren's canoe tipped over.

  4. D.C. will never receive an Olympic Games simply because of the devastating internal politics and corruption of the IROC, which is barely on speaking terms with the USOC these days...I seriously doubt that D.C. boosters can overcome the personal and institutional biases and agendas and overt favoritism, as well as the need for ca$h to finance the Games) as dictated by these two governing bodies.

  5. NNNE, you sell DC short! Corruption and bribery are our strong suit.

  6. We could host the world-class obfuscation event.


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