Meanwhile, in the Anti-Reston: Maybe They'll Advertise in Soldier of Fortune

Ah, Herndon. Your attempts to singlehandedly solve the nation's immigration problems just keep on giving. First, there was all that unpleasantness with the day labor center. Then came the plan to create a "pedestrian safety zone" by banning pedestrians, and then they started fining businesses that let slightly tanned people day laborers on their property.

Now, they're looking to hire mercenaries private security guards to protect Herndonians' access to the precious bodily fluids found in the Elden Street 7-11's 48-ounce Super Big Gulps.

In their latest set of proposals to crack down on day laborers, Town of Herndon officials are considering hiring security guards to keep the laborers from congregating on private commercial properties.

According to Town Manager Art Anselene, to have an effective security guard program the Town would need to have between 2-4 security guards to "manage the various commercial sites." According to the memo, the estimated taxpayer cost to fund the security force could be up to $156,000 per year.

Sounds like money well spent! Though the total price tag will likely be higher, as Soldier of Fortune doesn't run those "Confidential Opportunities for Mercenaries" ads in the back of the magazine for free.

In the meantime, Herndon's real police officers are making traffic stops. Lots and lots of traffic stops.

There has been a 700 percent increase in the number of unlicensed driver tickets issued in the Town of Herndon in the last five years, even though the number of licensed drivers in the town has stayed about the same.

"The majority of these people are people who are not eligible or able to get a license in the state of Virginia, or probably any other state," Police Lt. Jeff Coulter said.

Hmmm. We wonder who "these people" that they're talking about are... Presbyterians maybe?

Meanwhile, another bit of legalized harassment cunning plan to confiscate bicycles parked in public rights-of-way ran into a minor snag: It turns out that sometimes affluent, documented U.S. citizens ride bikes, too! For fun, even, if you can believe that!

But even in the Town That Tolerance Forgot, occasionally a good idea crops up, only to be squashed.

Another proposal outlined in the Sept. 9 memo is the establishment of an "alternate site for legal workers."

The proposed new site would determine whether or not workers are "lawfully present and authorized to work" by virtue of a licensing program or requiring the use of I-9 forms, which employers use to verify employees' identity and establish that workers are eligible to accept employment in the United States. Employers are required to have their workers fill out the form upon being hired.

Wow. That sounds... reasonable. So what say you, Herndon?

Herndon Councilman Dennis Husch, who last month proposed several of his own controversial ideas for handling the day labor situation in Herndon, said that all measures will be given equal consideration.

"I do not know which of the possible initiatives are viable options to the majority of the Town Council," he told The Times.

We're pretty sure we know which one won't be.