News and notes from Reston (tm).

Friday, September 9, 2016

Reston Buyers Guide: What To Do With The $2 An Hour You Won't Have To Pay To Park At RTC Until January, Maybe, Or Whenever

So the notion of paid parking is going so well at Reston Town Center that the crisis management team concerned property owners have delayed it until January, after the holiday season, so as to "educate" us uninformed, non-elite knuckle-dragging Restonians exactly what a "smart cellular telephone" is, and why using one won't steal our souls—just our personally identifiable information, maybe, who knows, that's a lot of words to read for a Friday afternoon.

We could ponder just what prompted the change in plans (cough cough roughly 8,000 signatures to a fancy online petition) or read the only piece kinda sorta defending paid parking in the history of English literature. (Chaucer's immortal When that Aprille with his shoures soot/My illegally parked horst got the boot" doesn't count, as it's in Middle English).

Or we could figure out what to do with that extra $2 that's burning a hole in our pockets! Fortunately, Restonian is On Your Side(tm), ready to help. A few modest suggestions:

  • Buy 1/396th of a share of stock in RTC tenant Google from the newest cool RTC retailer where all the kids are spending their lunch money.

  • Spend 15 minutes at the nearest cybercafe (assuming they still exist) writing rave reviews of the ParkRTC app under the pen name "Don'tWorkForBoston NoSireeNotMe"

  • Retain a "crisis management firm" for approximately 22 seconds.

  • Realize that "punt" isn't bad advice for 2 lousy bucks.

  • Buy a one-way Metro ticket from Wiehle to Spring Hill. Walk back in half the time.

  • Trade it in for a $2 bill--the only truly elite currency except the $1,000 bill.

  • Finally learn to read so you can prepare to "educate yourself" about the glorious benefits of paid parking and an app that will tell you when your shopping spree might be interrupted by rain

  • Purchase a soon-to-be-collector's-item piece of concrete rubble from a legitimate architectural masterpiece

  • Buy a cup of coffee anywhere except RTC mainstay Starbucks

  • Save up for the $7 round trip to Tysons Corner to buy random midscale consumer goods there, the end.

7 comments:

  1. What I am waiting for is for some vandal to modify BP's Wikipedia page in some hilarious manner...good idea, huh.

    BTW, great blog, man! I was the source on finding out Fallston was a spin doctor, so honored to be cited. AKA Generic User.

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    Replies
    1. Generic User, you are the Woodward & Bernstein of our time for finding out about Fallston and then spreading the word a la Paul Revere. A tip of the tri-cornered hat to you for exposing BP's crisis management fiasco. Well done - really!

      Delete
  2. Peasant From Less Sought After South RestonSeptember 10, 2016 at 3:03 PM

    Each of us could give Boston Properties our two cents about their paid parking scheme 100 times over.

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  3. I'd like to thank Jim Brown at errantbullseye.com (linked to above under "our personally identifiable information") for a brilliant discussion of what's wrong with the ParkRTC app and its massive invasion of our privacy.

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  4. Thanks for the piece! I'll promote it out to the Facebook and Twitter accounts (aka fancy petition lady)

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  5. Walk back in half the time :) :) :) :'(

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  6. Nice reporting ! Thanks for the informative updates

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