Last week, we showed you what the Gulf oil spill might look like, if it was red mulch spreading out from an epicenter in Reston. Now, after an EXCLUSIVE RESTONIAN INVESTIGATION, we can confirm that there is a real Reston connection to the actual spill. No, those concrete structures in the middle of Lake Anne, Thoreau, and Audubon aren't cleverly disguised BP oil rigs. The truth is far worse... or at least a lot more bureaucratic.
The exploded BP rig was built in South Korea, is registered in the Republic of the Marshall Islands, whose registry is maintained by “a little-known company” in Reston, Va., and owned and operated by the foreign company British Petroleum, he said.You won't get these hard truths from the "lamestream" media. Thank you, Bemidji Pioneer, which is apparently a hard-chargin', truth-gettin' "news-paper" in "North Central Minnesota," which we weren't aware was currently covered with a thin layer of oil.
As part of our EXCLUSIVE RESTONIAN INVESTIGATION (the only part, really), we Googled around and found the name of this "little-known company" overseeing the Marhsall Islands ship registry. It's International Registries Inc., and instead of being headquartered on the Marshall Islands, it has office space on Commerce Park Drive right here in Reston. You can also register your private yacht with the company, so once that AdSense revenue starts pouring in, watch out for our 30-foot pleasure craft, proudly displaying the flag of the Marshall Islands, terrorizing the electric pontoon boats on Lake Thoreau.