News and notes from Reston (tm).

Friday, June 19, 2015

Mother Nature Flagrantly Defies New DRB Rules; Lien Placed on Nature House, Lakes, Various Woodland Creatures

In a flagrant act of defiance against proposed new Reston Association rules making it more difficult for homeowners to remove trees, Mother Nature removed numerous trees in South Reston yesterday without the express written permission of a certified arborist.

Apparently M. Nature didn't read the new rule that clearly stipulates that the "dropping of fruit or leaves is not a valid reason for removal."

Maybe we're rushing too quickly to judgment. Maybe the "arborist's International Society of Arboriculture (ISA) certification number" is sitting on the dashboard of that minivan.

No truth to the rumor that in an emergency meeting last night, the DRB placed liens against the Nature House, all four Reston lakes, and various woodland creatures. "This act of aggression against our cherished covenants will not stand," a DRB representative probably didn't say. "And we're taking a close look at some of Ms. Nature's Japanese maples. The reds are looking suspiciously different from the agreed-upon burnt umber coloration."

(Photos courtesy of Confidential Restonian Operative "Paul Bunyan.")


  1. Man (or an HOA) plans; God laughs.

  2. Trees
    By Joyce Kilmer

    I think that I shall never see
    A poem lovely as a tree.
    A tree whose hungry mouth is prest
    Against the earth’s sweet flowing breast;
    A tree that looks at God all day,
    And lifts her leafy arms to pray;
    A tree that may in Summer wear
    A nest of robins in her hair;
    Upon whose bosom snow has lain;
    Who intimately lives with rain.
    Poems are made by fools like me,
    But only God can make a tree.

    Source: Poetry (August 1913).

  3. Joyce Kilmer's Evil TwinJune 19, 2015 at 2:20 PM

    I think that I shall never see
    An HOA as lovely as the DRB
    A group whose hungry mouth is prest
    Against a series of paint swatches marked "everest."
    A DRB that looks at houses all day
    To make sure their siding is A-OK.
    A DRB that may in summer swear
    That air conditioners can't beat lake water and fresh air...

    1. Joyce Kilmer's Eviler TwinJune 19, 2015 at 2:42 PM

      Poems are made by fools like me,
      But only Reston could make a DRB.

  4. I nominate Joyce Kilmer's Eviler Twin as the next Poet Laureate of the United States, or at least of Reston.

  5. I once thought of $DEITY as retired landscape architect; perhaps "retirement" was premature?

  6. Roses are Red, maybe.
    Violets are Russet Brown

    1. Roses are red
      Violets are blue
      In Soviet Reston, town lives, works and plays you

  7. However, if you plan on building a parking garage in place of the trees you remove, then you do not need a statement from a certified arborist.


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