Received one too many warning letters about the condition of your window trim? Thinking about getting out of Reston before it becomes another
Manhattan Ballston transit-oriented development? Well, have we got the place for you!
Welcome to The Citadel, "a developing community of Patriots in the mountains of Idaho" who are united around one core principle: "There will be no HOA." Instead, there will be firearms. Lots and lots of firearms.
The Citadel Community will house between 3,500 and 7,000 patriotic American families who agree that being prepared for the emergencies of life and being proficient with the American icon of Liberty — the Rifle — are prudent measures. There will be no HOA. There will be no recycling police and no local ordinance enforcers from City Hall.Sounds great! Tell us more about the "American icon of liberty," pls:
We have already launched III Arms, a modern firearms company that will help employ the first wave of III Pioneers. III Arms is also unique in the world of firearms companies in that all profits generated are donated to the Citadel to help build our community.Sounds… suspiciously socialistic. But set up a firing range, and it sounds like they've got the Live, Work, and Play(tm) thing all figured out.
There may not be an HOA, but unlike our namby-pamby local officials, what with their "charettes" and interminable task forces with unpronounceable acronyms, the Citadel folks know how to throw together an awesome master plan, complete with a
OF COURSE the community is surrounded by walled fortifications to protect residents from
The Towers and Curtain Wall providing the town's primary perimeter defense will be inaccessible to tourists. Each Tower will house condos. Each neighborhood within the walls will have lower defensive walls, dividing the town into defensible sections/neighborhoods.Also, the "Patriot agreement" requires every family to stockpile weapons and at least 1,000 rounds of ammunition, as well as be sure to be packing heat whenever they visit the Town Center. That'll be one jumpy set of "geniuses" at the Citadel Apple store.
If you haven't allowed yourself to be swept away by a fantasy of street-to-street small arms fire, you may be wondering to yourself, what will my Dream Home of Liberty look like?
All homes will be built of poured concrete for exceptional strength and durability. Your home will be built to your specs (details available at this website) with utilities stubbed to the interior. You select the facade for the exterior of your home. You are responsible for completing the interior of your home as you wish. You may choose to do the work yourself, or hire contractors. But every single detail, from paint to tiles to counters, is your choice."We can't wait to build our own mauve concrete house. But! There's one small catch:
Each neighborhood will have similar housing for visual uniformity and aesthetic appeal.Sigh. LIBERTY CRUSHED. Guess you can take the HOA out of the planned community, but you can't take the planned community out of the HOA.
If you can live within those constraints, there's a handy application form here. Be warned, however. This disclaimer is posted prominently on the Citadel's homepage:
Marxists, Socialists, Liberals, and Establishment Republicans may find that living within our Citadel Community is incompatible with their existing ideology and preferred lifestyles."Marxists, Socialists, Liberals, and Establishment Republicans" pretty much sums up Reston in a nutshell, so if you feel compelled to apply, we offer this Pro Tip: put down your current town name as Herndon.
Update: Noted HOA aficionado Steven Colbert also recently stumbled across the anti-Reston: