News and notes from Reston (tm).

Friday, October 23, 2009

Hometown Hotties, Nudity, the DRB and You: The Nearly NSFW Restonian Post

It's a shame that filthy "web logs" don't have sweep weeks the way that network television does, as this post would totally rock us over the top.

tn_360174_l1.jpgFirst of all, Maxim, the "mens" magazine of choice for the overcompensating and/or slightly balding crowd, named "Renee," a bartender from Reston, one of its "Hometown Hotties." (Link not really NSFW, unless you work for the Taliban.) But "Renee" is more than a pretty... face! Let's learn more about her:

Favorite Sports Team: I only watch Mma

First Job: Jamba Juice!

Piercings/Tattoos (How many? Where?): Two tattoos. One starting at my right hip and going midway down my thigh, and the other up my left ribcage. Used to have quite a few piercings, just took my last one out in Oct... that one was pretty south of the border...

What fun fact, talent, or mutant superpower of yours should guys know about?: I'm a total Pc video game nerd. I can school most guys at any Fps and I'm totally addicted to World of Warcraft!
That sound you just heard was thousands of nerdy guys inhaling sharply, knocking over their half-consumed bags of Cheetos in the process. We'll spare you her thoughts on sex and the "most unusual place you've ever hooked up." (SPOILER ALERT: It wasn't while waiting in line for her RA pool pass.)

Now on to another ribald tale, this one inspired by the guy in Springfield who was recently arrested for indecent exposure in his own home. One Restonian -- who for obvious reasons wants to remain anonymous -- figured out the problem: Springfield doesn't have a DRB! Read on:
I was told by the state's attorney a few years ago that in Virginia it is legal for you to be naked in your own home. I found that out when my new neighbor was spending a lot of time up on the hill outside our bedroom window peeking in. I was worried because my husband always goes off to his shower in the buff after he drops his clothes in the hamper. I was worried the neighbor would have him arrested. But the state's attorney said the law states it is assumed you have privacy in your own home.

In Virginia, in order to be arrested for being a peeping tom, you have to have your hand on the side of the house you are peeking into. A very bizarre law.

Something is very wrong in Virginia if a guy can't be naked in his own kitchen. What's next, we'll be told to keep our clothes on when we bathe lest our neighbors should see us naked?

And my peeping tom neighbor? We went through the whole DRB process and put up a 6 ft privacy fence.

You read that right: While annoying and arbitrary, the DRB process can help keep you from being arrested for being naked in your own home. And for that, we salute you, DRB.


  1. I saw the naked coffee maker on TV. He's pretty cute. I wouldn't have complained about the view. And I wouldn't complain if he moved in next door and made coffee in the neighbor's kitchen. So much nicer than the skinny old buzzard who walks around the neighborhood in his underpants (okay, they might be the shortest swimming trunks ever made). The lady in Springfield obviously has no appreciation of beauty.

  2. Yes, I would like to order one of those with a side of pasties, please.

  3. People are sick. I mean, the guy was naked. Making coffee. In his kitchen. He wasn't drowning puppies. People need to get over their fear of naked humans. I can't believe she actually called the cops on this poor guy. And why isn't SHE being prosecuted for being a peeping tom? Did the article mention she was trespassing on his property? She was cutting across his yard when she looked into his window.

    Seriously, how do people like this even shower?

  4. the most important part of this story has been left out... the woman in question was a cop's wife. Otherwise her complaints would likely have been ignored.

  5. woops- forgot to mention that the arresting officer was her husband. She called him and told him to arrest the guy, and he did.

  6. What's the DRB policy on carpet/drape matching?

  7. Soooo fake. Covenant's Specialist Sarah is the REAL DEAL. Dave, you're disappointing me


  8. DCRTV Dave only wishes he could run a "web-log" of this caliber.

  9. Thanks for the DRB!The Indians found wearing less a comftrable way to get through the summer!

  10. Totally agree with 1:04 AM. Covenants Sarah is about a million times more attractive than her. She's the girl next door, only a girl next door who can cite you for unauthorized modifications to your party wall.

  11. I want to be cited for an unauthorized modification - is frisking part of the process?


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