A Room With An (Expensive) View: Fancypants New Hotel Has 24-Hour Room Service, Creepy Robert E. Simon Mask

While we were focusing on the An Art and palpable lack of woonerf right outside, the fancypants JW Marriott at Reston Station opened its doors to guests last week.  We Restonians -- us lumpen proletariats, toiling away at our rapidly endangered government contracting jobs strapping bombs to dolphins -- are now the hosts of Virginia's ONLY JW Marriott, among the fanciest of the fancy Marriott hotel "brands."

"Every moment made exquisite," the hotel's website gushes, and we agree! For a high-end chain, the folks at Marriott really leaned into the Reston mystique. Its signature restaurant is called "The Simon," and it offers "a multi-sensory journey" (we assume one of the senses is taste, but then again, we're simple folk who usually stay at lesser hotel brands, ones where you can park right outside your front door and walk down a "breezeway" to get ice from a machine that sounds like a broken rock tumbler). Another amenity is the "Schar Bar," named after the folks who funded Inova's cancer center and offering the bourbons which were once made right down Sunset Hills from this august hotel.  Plus, as an added bonus, you can be creeped out inspired by this terrifying death mask breathtaking rendering of Robert E. Simon:

Yikes. Hopefully that glass frame will keep it from escaping and invading our nightmares. If not, those of us of a certain age can remember the first time we saw something similar:

But enough of the public spaces. What are the rooms like? Well, they have beds and whatnot, plus windows that offer this breathtaking view of our cutting-edge, Metro-adjacent developments:

Stunning. Let's see how affordable that million-dollar view might be. 

COMPUTER, ENHANCE:

Oof. People are going to have to clicky clicky on a lot of the fun WHO'S YOUR BABY'S DADDY ads on this filthy "web log" for us to be able to afford a night away, if by "away," you mean "right down the street with $45 hamburgers for room service," the end.