News and notes from Reston (tm).

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

A children's treasury of snark, Reston-style

Unlike certain institutional "web-logs" which will go unmentioned, this humble site uses bleeding-edge, Web 4.0 technology allowing readers to "post" their "comments" on the site, as if it were a "bulletin board." Suck on that, AOL and Netscape! And unlike us, you guys are actually funny -- on purpose, even!

Consider our dutiful reporting of the Reston Association's arguments in favor of the referendum to spend up to $15 million on awesome new headquarters space, which boils down to the fact that they need more space for their files. Noting how much has been spent on mailing postcard reminders to vote, the appropriately named Brooklyn Bridge Salesman offered this:

Now, in the grand scheme of things $5,643 may not sound like a lot of money. But I can think of a lot better uses for it in Reston than this. It would be as if the U.S. Government had sent every registered voter in America a similar card last October reminding them "Election Day is November 4."

By the way, $5,643 could also buy 29 four-drawer file cabinets at Office Depot to store some of that mountain of official paper under which the RA apparently finds itself buried.
After we pointed out that Reston is home to some proto-hippies who care about the environment and whatnot, one commenter shared this:
Reston loves to think of itself as "green". But the same people who want US to be green also support rules (DRB) that limit a homeowner's ability to cut down trees which is necessary to make use of solar energy -- oh, but wait, we can only have tailor made VERY EXPENSIVE solar panels that don't show anyway. Never mind.
Speaking of trees, another poster had this to say about the RA's new Web presence:
Looking at the RA logo art, I'm wondering if the large building on the right is the new RA headquarters building. Also, I'm surprised they show any trees left standing. That couldn't be Snakeden Branch valley for sure!
We were merely performing an important public service when we provided photographic evidence that turning right onto Wiehle Avenue was akin to entering a radioactive hellscape. Leave it to our commenters to make a subtle political point:
This is Reston. One must NEVER turn right. Just keep turning left until you're where you wanted to be in the first place...or hold another referendum to get a different answer.
Meanwhile, upon learning that Metro's Silver Line really, really, really might be coming to Reston after making a mess of Tysons Corner and its awesome urban landscape of car dealerships, unless it doesn't, regular correspondent The Peasant from Less Sought After South Reston had this to offer:
With the way car sales are tanking, maybe Crystal Koons can be persuaded to work as the official greeter at the Wiehle terminus: "Metro's Silver Line: We're Gonna Wow You!". And if she is capable of multitasking, she can also hand out pool passes at the same time: "The Glade Pool: We're Gonna Wow You!".
A lovely black-and-white prototype sketch of a Reston cluster prompted this from South Lakes Mom:
and wait...is that an invasive species creeping over the wall?

Note: No color usage prevents accusations of UNAPPROVED COLORS.
But *nothing* has sparked more controversy on this site than our unending efforts to expose the shocking flagrant nudity of this month's performance of The Full Monty, which prompted this (apparently) serious comment:
I voted for Obama BECAUSE there are people like you still out there roaming the streets. So, really, you should only blame yourself. Shame on you.
Sweet -- our secret plan worked! Much as the WPA helped starving artists during the other Great Depression, we're angling for some of that sweet hopey stimulus money to keep this site afloat, ideally without having to take idealized black-and-white photos of the folks living in Targetville.

5 comments:

  1. A lame 'best of'? Please Restonian, I expect a lot better from your highly entertaining 'web-log' (or blog for short).

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  2. I guess it takes a big man to hide his identity behind his computer screen so he can insult his fellow community members commenting negatively on every aspect of the community in which he not only works, but lives. Ever hear the expression "Don't sh&t where you eat?" If it's so bad here, why do you stay?

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  3. Brooklyn Bridge SalesmanMarch 24, 2009 at 2:35 PM

    Anybody else find it ironic that poster #2 above who complains that the editor of this blog "hides his identity" posts anonymously? I'm not criticizing, just observing.

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  4. If you can't snark, you can't laugh! And in Reston, there is plenty to snark about. The laughter that comes with it is the only medicine that soothes the soul. And frankly, some of the comments in the article are pretty darn funny. Others are not, such as the snarky comments from Anon #1 and #2 above.

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  5. Sorry, not trying to be snarky (this is Anon #1) I normally find the Restonian to be highly entertaining and often a LO experience. But just re-hashing old posts in one 'best-of' post is a bit lame. Maybe Restonian is a bit busy and can't come up with some good content?

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