Casinopocalypse Later: Spanberger Vetoes Bill, Used Car Lot Casino Off the Table For Now

V. v. sad news for the people who find their living rooms too devoid of cigarette smoke and sadness to gamble on their phones and the developers who spent more than $3.5 million on their own bet that a fun casino could be built in the complete absence of local support in Reston Tysons Reston Tysons a specific used car lot in Tysons: Gov. Abigail Spanberger has vetoed a bill that advanced relentlessly through the Virginia House, bringing this multi-year saga to an end... at least for this legislative session.

Give us some good blockquote, Action McNews BFFs:

“Local governing boards should lead on proposed casino development, as has happened in every locality that now has a casino,” Spanberger said in a statement. “But in Fairfax County, the Board of Supervisors has explicitly opposed this legislation, and an overwhelming majority of the General Assembly members who represent Fairfax voted against it.”

The casino proposal changed in about a dozen ways in recent months but returned to where it started: with a proposed location in Tysons. The proposal called for funds to be split 70% to the state and 30% to Fairfax County. Fairfax County Board Chairman Jeff McKay told News4 that wasn’t enough.

Reston kept being put on and off the table (as in a meal to be devoured) as the bill twisted and turned, which means it could be back on the table in future legislative sessions.  But for now, we can breathe a sigh of relief, what, with no other unwanted development proposals trying to sneak into our plastic fantastic planned community in whatever way they can, even if it means digging up some badly xeroxed zoning documents which were filed and forgotten before Nixon was president. Right?

Right?

Update: Hunter Mill Supervisor Walter Alcorn issued a succinct statement thanking Spanberger for vetoing what he called a "bad bill," stating that "we never wanted it and never asked for it."

Call Me Loudounian

The rumors are true. After nearly two decades covering Reston like invasive English ivy, we’ve decided to move on to brighter, beiger pastures. That’s right—we’re swapping the earth tones of our plastic-fantastic planned community for the bright lights and particleboard charms of our neighbor to the west, Loudoun County. Back in the day, we used to derisively call this “graduating,” but we’re older and ... older now.

“But why?” one—maybe two—of you unrelated to us by blood or marriage might be asking. “What does Loudoun have that Reston doesn’t?” Thought you’d never ask, silly rabbits.

Midscale chains. A wise man once said that when one is tired of visiting the same shops and restaurants found in exurban strip malls blanketing 98 percent of the country, one is tired of life. We do have that here, but fortunately, there’s an even greater movable feast of midscale chain eateries, shopperies, cofferies, saladaries, cupcakeries—maybe even a picklery, if we’re lucky—to our west.

Unimproved roads. Ever since they added a fancy third turning lane to the intersection of Route 7 and Baron Cameron, we’ve been overwhelmed—what is this, Talladega? A windy two-lane road originally surveyed by a Civil War general, carrying traffic from dozens of massive subdivisions, would let us “bliss out,” as the kids no longer say, while sitting in never-ending traffic.

Latency. When you’re in the highly lucrative online blogging business, every millisecond counts. The only way we can be sure we won’t be scooped on a critical bit of wastewater board meeting news is to have a massive data center behind our home to plug our 300-baud modem directly into. Advantage: Loudoun.

Upscale vowels. The word “Reston” does roll off the tongue nicely, but having a couple of luxury “u”s in one’s address speaks to a certain exclusivity we’d like to grow accustomed to.

Metro. The only thing better than a nonexpress, 50-minute train to downtown D.C.? A 75-minute one.

One Loudoun, which is mathematically one better than Reston Town Center (no numerical value).

Spring vibes. Thinking that the Loudoun lifestyle would be an improvement is like living April 1 every day, the end.

This post originally appeared in the Reston Letter.

You've Got Fail: AOL Lays Off People in Reston; Unclear If They Were Aware AOL Still Existed

Shocking news from the Internets today, where we learned that AOL plans to lay off 108 employees at its Reston office. Even more shockingly, AOL apparently still exists.

It's easy to forget how huge a deal AOL once was, and its massive role in cementing NoVa's role as an Internet hub. From humble beginnings in Vienna, it moved to a massive campus in Sterling which is now, appropriately, a data center. But who knew it opened offices in Reston at some point? We've won some massive global headquarters over the years, but for some reason, this one warranted less attention than, say, a tuna cannery. 

So pour one out for the early days of the Internet -- but be sure to put that drink on a coaster. If you don't have one handy, AOL manufactured more than a billion of them back in the day, the end.

Always Bet on Mauve: Casinopocalypse Bill Heads to Full Virginia House, Reston 'In Play' (Updated)

Happy Friday News Dump, to all those who celebrate! Our BFFs at the Reston Association opted to send an update on the state of legislative maneuvering around Fairfax County's largely unsolicited, definitely irresponsible plastic fantastic casino proposal at 4:51pm this Friday afternoon, and it's a doozy! To be fair, that probably has more to do with the General Assembly's sneaky maneuvering on this bill, which stripped it of a bunch of qualifications that would have made it harder to be foisted on an unwilling part of the county more difficult to build and moved it out of committee to the full House of Delegates this afternoon, which plans to vote on it "quickly," according to our RA BFFs. Give us some good legalese blockquote:

The Appropriations committee removed several key provisions that would have made a casino more difficult to build or less profitable for developers:

• Magisterial District Majority: The requirement for the casino to be approved by a majority of voters in the specific district where it would be located was removed. Only a countywide referendum is now required.
• Mandatory Labor Protections: Requirements for prevailing wages and union hiring contracts were removed.
• Enhanced Financials: The $150 million licensing fee and the 40% tax rate (which would have significantly benefited the county) were scaled back to align with current state law.

What REMAINS in the Bill:

• Flexible Location: There is no longer a requirement for the casino to be in Tysons. It could realistically be placed anywhere in Fairfax County that meets the square footage requirement.
• Development Size: Any gaming establishment must be part of a larger mixed-use development of at least 1.5 million square feet.
• Public Safety Proffer: A mandatory requirement for the developer to fund or dedicate land for a public safety facility (e.g., police or fire station) remains.
• Expiration Date: The authority to hold a referendum expires on July 1, 2029.

As this bill closely resembles the language passed in the Virginia Senate earlier this month, it means that Reston is once again in play as a possible location.

Hard to guess where there might be 1.5 million square feet of largely unclaimed euclidian office footage just sitting around in Reston, but we might consider giving our friendly state legislator a call or electronic message. You can find the RA's sample letter here, and a list of lawmakers here. And because the world hates irony, you apparently can't yet gamble online on whether a bill bringing gambling to the county will pass, with this fancy prediction market "web site" suggesting we spend our hard-earned Who's Your Baby Momma ad revenue on some far more trivial wagers:

That $30 minimum wage could buy a couple of watered down drinks at the blackmauvejack table, the end.

Update: The casino bill passed the Virginia House on March 4 and is expected to go to Gov. Abigail Spanberger, who will ultimately decide its fate. Give us some good procedural blockquote, BFFs at the Reston Association:

This afternoon, SB 756, known as the Fairfax County Casino Bill, passed the Virginia House of Delegates by a 64-32 vote. The bill was then voted on in the Senate and was sent to Conference. This means that 3 members of the House and 3 members of the Senate will discuss the bill as a committee before it is expected to go to the Governor's office for signature or veto.

Today, Reston Association Board President Travis Johnson shared the following statement:

“Reston Association remains opposed to a casino in our community. Unlike any other Virginia jurisdiction targeted for a casino – our community has not asked for this, and the passage of SB 756 disregards local governance and land‑use planning as well as the wishes of the vast majority of our members. We will do everything we can to mobilize the people of Reston to oppose this legislation.”

If you share our views that you do not want a casino in our community, we encourage you to share those thoughts with the Governor’s office by contacting: Abigail.Spanberger@governor.virginia.gov. 

We need your advocacy now to help defeat this measure and protect our community. 

Sadly, you still can't bet on the bill's passage on any of the major prediction markets -- which are kind of like casinos, only they exist online, not on used car lots or collections of oddly shaped polygons, the end.

Will the American Dream (Way) Remain Reston's First Gated Community? We Don't Know, But It Gave Us The Chance to Use A Decade-Old Meme

 

Hey, remember that time when a developer was going to build a mixed-use townhouse community on the site of the former Fannie Mae campus on American Dream (heh) Way, and in the true spirt of that phrase they decided to make it a gated community, which was so antithetical to Reston's immaculate vibes that county planners recommended denying the entire project, but it was ultimately approved by the board of supervisors, in part because the developer said the gated access was needed to ensure the nine-story office building on the property would attract a tenant?

Yeah, that was awesome. Anyhoo, we've all watched the office building being slowly torn down over the past few months, and now the developer is requesting a rezoning application to build another 100 or so townhomes on the site.  Give us some good procedural zoning blockquote, BFFs at Fairfax Now:

The county board’s decision to allow residential development on the site came despite objections from some residents and county staff, who took issue with Wheelock’s insistence on retaining a secured gate limiting access to a portion of American Dream Way. At the time, the property owner said the gate was necessary to draw tenants to the office building, which it still hoped to lease out... According to the application, Wheelock spent over $10 million since 2020 to maintain the approximately 400,000-square-foot office building, even it had “no prospect for re-tenanting.”

Sure, demand for office space has shifted in recent years, and there are a ton of shiny new BASE-jumping launch points trophy-class office towers around town. But that means county officials will demand that Wheelock remove the gates from the community as a condition of approving this request, right? 

Right?

COMPUTER, EXECUTE TIRED_OLD_MEME.BAT:

Mauve Alert: The Sassy Chatbot Pretty Much Nailed It

For reasons known only to The Pantopticon, this question and answer were served up unbidden by the AI powering the Facebooks following a recent post on this filthy "web log":

"Complex feelings," indeed. Let's ask the all-knowing sassy chatbot What Do It All Mean?

The tone and purpose of the site can be broken down as follows:

1. Tone: Satirical, Cynical, and Irreverent

The blog is written with a heavy dose of irony and "gallows humor" regarding suburban life. Key characteristics include:

Self-Deprecating Localism: It affectionately mocks Reston’s unique quirks, such as its obsession with "earth tones" (specifically mauve and brown), its rigid architectural standards, and its "plastic fantastic" planned-community nature.

Wry Skepticism: The writing often targets local governance (the Reston Association), developers, and "boxy buildings." It uses recurring jokes like "New Town™" and "conforming architectural non-conformity" to highlight the contradictions of the community.

Snarky Commentary: Even when reporting on serious local issues—like the closure of the RELAC cooling system or potential casino developments—the prose remains biting and sarcastic.

2. Purpose: Community Watchdog and "Counter-Narrative"

While it is funny, the site serves a functional role for the community:

The "Warts and All" View: The site explicitly states its purpose is to look at Reston "warts and all." It provides a counterpoint to the polished, "live-work-play" PR imagery put out by official entities.

Hyper-Local News Filter: It tracks zoning changes, retail openings/closings, and board elections, making dry civic news more engaging (and often more critical) for residents.

Community Identity: By leanings into "inside jokes" about Reston’s history and aesthetic, it creates a shared sense of identity for residents who love the town but enjoy venting about its bureaucratic or aesthetic eccentricities.

The anonymity is part of the blog’s brand; it allows the author to critique local powerful figures, developers, and neighbors without the social or professional friction that would come with being a known "curmudgeon" in a tightly-knit planned community. 

Summary

If the official Reston.org is the community’s "brochure," Restonian.org is its "complaint department" run by a very witty, slightly exhausted resident. It serves as a satirical watchdog that keeps residents informed while poking fun at the absurdity of suburban planning.

Now that a small lake has been evaporated to answer this question, it's time to bring out the heavy guns: What Do It All Look Like?

Wow, it's like we're looking into a mirror, except that the computer looks way too new. But what's on the screen? 

COMPUTER, ENHANCE:

We've been at a Level 5 Mauve Alert since 2007, but the sassy chatbot would have to drain Lake Newport dry to figure out what "lemee bovated" means, the end.

Casinopocalypse Soon, Maybe: New Bill Could Move Casino Out of Tysons to Another Place With a Bunch of Boxy Buildings (Hint: Here)

Hey, remember that time there was a big push in the Virginia legislature to build a fancypants national security honeytrap casino in Fairfax County, with a lot of sketchy provisions that would really only allow it to be built in either Reston or Tysons, and then after a lot of hubbub, the bill was killed, and then after even more hubbub, it came back but the language was refined so said casino could literally only be built on the site of one used car lot in Tysons, which, you know, Tysons LOL, and then the bill was killed coldpilled, which sounds like a mid-tempo early oughts band and not a legitimate parliamentary maneuver, but we digress, and then it came back again and was killed by the state house?

Yeah, that was awesome. Well, this week, the bill re-emerged from the dead, and all that language about the Tysons used car lot was stripped out, meaning that the casino could be built anywhere in the county, including another Metro-adjacent area with fewer used car lots and more tall buildings, not all of which have sides that intersect at 90-degree angles, including ones owned by casino-curious companies which in the past have donated significant amounts of money to pro-casino state lawmakers and tried to outright buy local elections. Sound familiar?

The Reston Association board voted to oppose the changes in Senate Bill 756, saying:

Reston Association is disappointed at the news that SB 756, which would allow for a casino in Fairfax County, was amended to remove location-specific language in the bill and passed through the Senate Finance and Appropriations Resource Subcommittee yesterday morning. Reston Association maintains that a casino is detrimental to our community and goes against the careful planning that has been a part of Reston for more than six decades.

Reston Association has consistently and unequivocally opposed the idea of a casino in Reston. Our members have never expressed a desire or need for such a facility. Reston is a proven economic engine with a robust commercial tax base, world-class corporations, and innovative technology firms. Introducing a casino would jeopardize this success, as companies considering relocation have indicated such a development would make the corridor a “no-go zone” for future investment.

We don't know, though. One Action McNews story described the proposed casino as "classy," like "Wynn in Las Vegas," but that would be a total violation of contemporary Reston design cues. Just look at this thing:

While we appreciate the DRB-friendly choice of goldenrod as a colorway, that curvy building with those rounded edges simply don't fit in with this:

Get a carpenter's square and some woonerf and we'll talk, the end.