ARCH to Reston Association: No shiny new $25 million headquarters for you!

Oh boy! We got our referendum for the proposed awesome new $15 million Reston Association headquarters in the mail yesterday, but before we could grab a #2 pencil and vote "YES," we learned that some naysayers are less than thrilled about the whole thing. After raising a few nitpicky questions, like why they need so much space to hand out pool passes and where will this giant gilded floating palace be located, those buzzkills at the Reston Alliance of Reston Clusters and Homeowners (ARCH) now say they "believe that, as of the date of Issues Bulletin 2009-2, the Reston Association (RA) Board has not made the case for the new headquarters referendum." Ouch!

ARCH's site has a bunch of earnest-looking Word documents and spreadsheets and whatnot, which we at Restonian on Your Side (tm) decided to peruse so you don't have to. Among their key questions:

The RA Board maintains that the 2005 space assumptions do not meet the RA’s increased present and future needs, but it has been unable to provide the members with a space analysis because the Board believes that analysis is “confidential.” In addition, the incremental cost to members of buying (or leasing) compared to what they now spend for headquarters space has not been made clear.

We accept that buying under the right circumstances could be a worthwhile alternative to leasing and that the current office space may well need to be upgraded and perhaps increased (particularly to add additional conference and meeting space). But the RA Board has not made the case on:

• What will be the incremental cost to members in annual assessment increases of buying (exclusive of any building value or equity) or leasing 35,000 sq. ft. versus what members pay now for the existing space?

• Why 35,000 sq. ft. (a space analysis, which the RA Board says is “confidential,” has not been provided to members)?

• Why $15 million (and what are the likely sources of funding and the impact on the RA’s financial (cash) position)?

• Why is the Board not willing to require that any purchase be limited to a site in Reston?

A whole series of community meetings will be held to discuss the referendum, which we're sure will be tons of fun. We're sympathetic to the RA's plight -- after all, $5 million just doesn't go as far as it used to. Frankly, our main concern is that the new gilded fortress not be surrounded by red mulch or white stone, the end.

Breaking: Reston CEO not selected for Columbia post; will focus on deforestation efforts here

Despite an awesome public interview, it turns out that Reston CEO Milton Matthews didn't get the cherry gig of Columbia Association President after all. Our Satan-loving doppelganger to the north instead picked someone who's familiar with the concept of hell on earth--a city manager from Michigan.

On Thursday the CA board of directors announced on their Web site they had chosen the city manager of Troy, Mich. as their new president and CEO. Philip Nelson is expected to begin on May 1, 2009.

Oh, well. Is Matthews devastated?

He said that while he was honored to be one of the finalists chosen through an executive search firm and citizen advisory committee, his focus would be leading RA. "We have a great deal to accomplish with the stream restoration project, the referendum for a new headquarters facility and the election of new board members," he said.

Yeah. After a professional setback, it's always a good idea to focus on all the good things you already have right around you.

Metro Silver Line: Wiehle Metro station approved, will fill with smoke from track fires by 2013

Fairfax County Board of Supervisors approved the design of Wiehle Avenue's awesome new Metro station, which someday might have actual tracks connecting it to Tysons Corner and more exotic points east (Falls Church!), though no one will ever know for sure because of the track fires and tunnel goblins.

The station's supposed to open in 2013 (with the first train arriving seven years later). From the description, it sounds like it will have all the aesthetic charm of New York's Port Authority Bus Terminal, minus the junkies and hookers and whatnot.

The station site has been designed with a 2,300-car parking garage that rises 85 feet into the air. Architects have also incorporated bus depots into both of the station’s entrances, in anticipation of shuttle service from both Loudoun County and the Herndon/Monroe Park & Ride parking lots. There will also be 150 spaces for bicycles.

THOUGH the supervisors approved this plan for the Wiehle Avenue site and the Planning Commission backed it, both bodies said the county is still in negotiations to get more transit-friendly development at the station location.

"We are negotiating a ground lease with a private developer and we expect to wrap up those negotiations in early March," said Richard Stevens, the county coordinator for the Dulles Rail project. Construction on the Wiehle Avenue garage does not have to start until 2011, given the county plenty of time to put another plan in place, he said.

"We have moving forward with plan B in case plan A doesn’t work," said Hunter Mill Planning Commissioner Frank de la Fe.

Part of the need for a plan B, probably a 145-story RA headquarters building with gold-plated door handles so people can pick up their pool passes on their way home from work, is because Reston -- so world reknown for its awesome forward-looking urban planning -- actually has covenants that prohibit mixed use residential/commercial development along the Toll Road, unlike, we don't know, ANY OTHER AREA WHICH HAS METRO STATIONS.

The county must try to get private landowners in the area to agree to overturn it before moving forward with a transit-oriented development project, said de la Fe.

"I hope this never gets built like this," said At-large Planning Commissioner Walter Alcorn.

And they're among the project's backers.

Diver Down: Preliminary hearing for wetsuit-clad Reston murder suspect

Wetsuit-clad Reston engineer Evan Gargiulo, who claimed he shot a taxicab driver in Tysons Corner last year in self-defense, had a preliminary court hearing earlier this week.

Nearly 100 friends and family members of Nazir filled a Fairfax General District Courtroom on Feb. 23 for Gargiulo's preliminary hearing.

"He was my cousin," said Altaf H. Anjum. "At least that's what we call it. His mother was from my village in Pakistan."

Many of those in attendance were also taxi drivers.

"We want to make sure justice is done," said Shahzad Chaudhry, who has been driving a taxi in the metropolitan Washington D.C. area for 22 years. "We serve the community 24/7 in rain, cold and snow, and that service has value to all those who live here."

Chaudhry said that Pakistani residents in Fairfax County are becoming increasingly more educated and looking out for themselves both individually and as a group.

"This is the fourth or fifth murder of a Pakistani taxi driver in 22 years, and it is the first one that I know of that is being prosecuted," he said. "We live in a shadow of fear and that is no way to serve the community."

Gargulio's case was forwarded to the grand jury; a term date has been set for March 17. Once again, there's nothing at all funny about this case, so here is a picture of a monkey in a wetsuit.

DRB Discovers 'Track Changes' Feature in Microsoft Word, Gives Us Migranes

So the Reston Design Review Board has decided that it's time to make sweeping changes to the Gutenberg Bible of Reston, its giant design guidelines booklet (large, annoying PDF file at link). Okay, so maybe that makes it the Steve Gutenberg Bible, but it's still very, very exciting to see that the 1970s are being brought forward to the... well, 1980s!

The RA Board will be discussing these many exciting changes at its regular meeting Thursday. So break out the legwarmers and Rubik's Cubes, and let's see what the DRB has in store for us. As our favorite informant, The Peasant From Less Sought After South Reston, points out, "the DRB helpfully highlighted the proposed changes, ironically enough, in a non-DRB approved shade of bright red." Among the highlights:

•  No red mulch! No white stone! As the Peasant points out, "Only shades that Joe McCarthy would approve -- no Commie-colored mulch allowed in the People's Republic of Reston!"

• Compost bins must be NO MORE THAN THREE FEET HIGH, or else the DRB will borrow some of the heavy equipment from the stream deforestation restoration project and cut them down to size for you.

• Fencing can only have single gates -- double gates are now verboten. Time to start that diet! Also, chain link fences have gone from "generally not appropriate" to emphatically "not appropriate." The earth-toned fist of justice strikes again! On the other hand, they're considering allowing "composite materials" for fences, so long as they "closely match" the appearance of natural wood. Are our standards slipping? There are entire subdivisions in Loudoun County that closely match the appearance of natural wood.

• Only two political signs are allowed per yard, and they must be "well crafted and durable." The same can't be said for most of the politicians they represent.

But that's not all! The DRB has also added a section about "public art," and surprisingly, they're all for it! Public art, they say, is awesome and should "encourage community identity, creativity and pride through artistic expression and to enhance the aesthetic appeal in public spaces through harmonious, appropriate artwork." Wow. Just make sure you provide sufficient lighting and seating for the multitudes to enjoy your creatively expressed meditation on man coexisting with nature (i.e., your collection of pink flamingos and other lawn statuary), or be prepared to face the DRB's wrath.

And for some reason, the DRB has gone from recommending to requiring scale models of many large-scale projects. Maybe after their meetings, the DRB plans to pull out their Playmobil figurines and play everyone's favorite children's game of yesteryear, "earth-toned real estate development planner."

Finally, there's also a whole new section about security cameras and other systems, but at this point we started nodding off. Suffice it to say that any security systems involving moats with sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their frickin' heads probably will require DRB approval, the end.

At least we're not Centreville: Reston's property values down a lucky 13 percent!

Reston's awesome vibrant real estate market, driven by such amazing innovations as spastically dancing open house signs and fire sale auctions fiendish marketing ploys, helped drive average home values down by 13.32 percent in 2008, according to a cheerful Washington Post article that says Fairfax County will have to raise real estate taxes and cut all services except tax collection and landscaping of the Government Center grounds, both of which will be taken care of by the one remaining county employee ("Earl.")

It could be worse, though. Nationwide, property values fell by nearly 20 percent, making Reston at least 7 percent more awesome than the rest of the country. You can't argue with statistics like that! Also, prices fell less here than in our tolerant neighbor to the west, where they fell by nearly 16 percent, or Centreville, where they fell by more than 16 percent, or Lorton, where they fell by more than 21 percent, or as the Internet kool kidz would say, Fail. Of course, the riches who live in Great Falls and McLean apparently still have $100 bills to burn, as property values there fell by only around 7 percent last year. Oakton and Vienna fared slightly worse with an 8 percent decline, but we're sure homeowners there will blame that on an unremarkable redistricting decision.

In conclusion, as your friendly neighborhood Realtor(tm) would tell you, now is an awesome time to BUY BUY BUY. There's still some prime real estate available in Targetville, so don't delay.

RA CEO's job search: 'I'm a people person. And I love earth tones.'

Job interviews are hard enough. But when you're head of one earth-toned planned real estate development and you want to become head of another earth-toned planned real estate development, sometimes you have to do them in public. So Reston Association CEO Milton Matthews, a finalist to head up Maryland's oddly satanic anti-Reston, recently found out.

All three finalists hoping to become the next Columbia Association president said yesterday that they're prepared for the job after decades of community management experience, and they vowed to operate with transparency and strive for the best possible downtown redevelopment plan.

About 100 residents had their first chance at the public forum to see and hear the remaining contenders in a 20-month process that began with more than 500 candidates. But no one in the crowd got to speak to them directly.

Milton Matthews, CEO of the Reston Association; Phil Nelson, city manager of Troy, Mich.; and Rob Goldman, 19-year vice president of CA for sport and fitness, were escorted one at a time to a stage at the Long Reach Village community center. Each made a few opening remarks and then answered the same 10 questions during the 90-minute session. Each then left the building.

The queries ranged from inside issues like staff bonuses and golf course operations to the candidates' views on environmental sustainability and the General Growth Properties redevelopment plan for downtown Columbia. None said they love or hate the plan, and each vowed to work with the developer and the county to achieve the best result. Asked what CA's most serious problem is, none of the three identified one.

You mean no one mentioned Satan Wood Drive? Or the lack of an Orange Julius stand in the heart and soul of that august planned community -- its awesome, Christmas-hating shopping mall? Tsk. They should have done their homework.

Matthews, 54, a native of Virginia's Eastern Shore, said he has been reading about Columbia since studying urban planning in college. He drew heavily on his experience guiding the Reston, Va., homeowners association for the past four years.

Robin Smyers, board chairman of the Reston Association, said in a telephone interview that she has "the utmost respect and regard" for Matthews and his professionalism.

"I think the world of him," she said. Reston is smaller than Columbia, with about 60,000 residents to Columbia's nearly 100,000. The Reston homeowners association's annual budget is about one-fifth of CA's roughly $60 million.

Yeah, but we'll soon have a bitchin' new RA Headquarters building at which to pick up our pool passes. That is, unless Matthews has worked out a deal to rip it off its foundations and have it trucked to the parking lot of the Columbia Mall if he gets the job.

Flashback Monday: There's Something in the Water

Okay, we've got two options on this "historic" picture. Here goes:

1) Early attempts to bottle Lake Anne and sell it as an aftershave called "Essence of Reston" fell somewhat flat after people discovered small chunks of Heron House sticking to their cheeks.

or:

2) To wow would-be investors with visual proof of Reston's vibrant, high-tech economy, developers created this photo using an rudimentary version of Photoshop, which ran on 14 mainframe computers and took 7 1/2 years to render the inverted image in the beaker, only to find that the PC had been invented in the meantime, the end.

The Culling of the Herd: Soapstone's St. Valentine's Day Massacre

Hey, remember that time people who lived near Soapstone Drive in South Reston were all up in arms about people parking campers and boats and work trucks and whatnot on the side of the road, but then they got distracted by the clearcutting of the forest right next to the road as part of the log plume construction stream restoration, and then everyone forgot about the cars because they were too busy staring at the desolate wasteland where the trees used to be?

Yeah, that was awesome. Well, thanks to eyewitness reporter "The Peasant From Less Sought After South Reston," who is rapidly becoming our favorite correspondent, we've learned that apparently they're starting to enforce some new parking regulations or something.

Exciting breaking news from Less Sought After South Reston (cue the Dragnet theme song). While driving up Soapstone at 9:30 p.m. on Valentine's Day to pick up Mrs. Peasant at Dulles Airport, what did I behold opposite our beloved high-end retail establishment -- I refer of course to that paragon of retailing excellence used as a benchmark by Nieman Marcus, i.e., our local 7-11 -- but a veritable army of police cars and wreckers, all with their blue lights flashing. (So many blue lights, in fact, that for a disoriented second or two I thought I had been teleported into a Kmart Blue Light Special). As you may know, my fellow South Reston peasants who live nearby believe their property values have been adversely impacted by the assortment of luxury vehicles such as graffiti-decorated box trucks, tradesmen's vans, and the like strewn in frozen perpetuity along both sides of Soapstone, in the process marring the scenic view of the newly-constructed WSSI Snakeden Memorial Parkway. It appeared that the local constabulary was responding at last to the neighborhood's fervent pleas to be rid of this mess so that we can all enjoy the five-star ambience of the 7-11 in the lux setting it so richly merits, without having to think we are living someplace called Lower 'Tater Creek Hollow or New Albania. Upon returning from the airport a half hour later, we saw a boat and a trailer being winched onto the wreckers to be taken to a Far, Far Better Place than the Bud Light-strewn environs of the 7-11.

It was truly a Lady Bird Johnson Beautify America moment. Or at the very least, a future 'ripped from the headlines' episode for "Law and Order."

There you have it. Of course, if they wanted to really be efficient, they could have just towed the cars to the gentle, sloping clearcut banks of Snakeden Creek and taken care of that whole eyesore once and for all.

World travelers agree: Reston Town Center rocks, thanks to planned addition of new chain eateries

So you've traveled the globe and relish exploring new places, like this blogger:

We travel the world. We explore; we eat, we drink, we immerse ourselves in local custom and life. When we live in Italy, we go to Venice, eat pasta and drink red wine. When we live in Germany, we go to Munich, eat wurst and tip our steins. When we live in Japan, we go to Kyoto, eat noodles and down Saki.

Awesome. Then you come back to the DC area. Where do you go to satisfy that same wanderlust?

The trick is to treat this assignment not as a reprieve, but as another chance for adventure.

Which brings us to the Reston Town Center.

Wait, what?

Hold the phone, though. Apparently three new eateries are coming to Reston's fake downtown: Yogen Früz, Marvelous Market, and Chipotle.

We stand corrected. You had us at the umlaut, Yogen Früz.

This and That: A Random Jaunt Through Reston News

• Greater Atlantic Bank of Reston was warned by the Office of Thrift Supervision, which must be staffed by guys like the bank examiner in It's a Wonderful Life, that it is undercapitalized . Sounds like time for a good ole' fashioned bank run! Maybe they should have followed the lead of another Reston bank and gotten a pile of that sweet bailout money.
  
  
• Among this year's "Best of Reston" winners were David Eisenman and Verdia Haywood, the Reston Triathlon and Reston Chapter of the Links, Inc., Helios HR, Charles Wight, Kohann Williams and Eve and Rick Thompson. Continuing the recent run of suggestive headlines, the Connection ran the story under the headline "Reston Reveals Its Best." Heh.
  
  
• A group of students from Forest Edge Elementary built a robot and launched it into space with a high altitude balloon. At their age, we mostly ate paste.
  
  
• Finally hats off for Reston resident Anthony "Tony" Akromas, who died earlier this month at the ripe old age of 107. The best part of his obit? "He bought a new Ford Focus at age 100."
  

Lake Anne Revitalization: Bob Simon Goes All Mavericky on Fairfax County Planners, Demands Gilded 90-Foot Statue

No, not really. But we had to say something to get people to read a wonky story about comprehensive plans and density requirements. Anyoo, the grand plan to turn Lake Anne Village Center into another Manhattan a haven for low-income housing a vibrant, renewed part of Reston continues unabated. During a meeting earlier this week in which Fairfax County planners discussed planned changes to the comprehensive plan for the area, Bob Simon got all mavericky in planners faces, the planners declared they hate the environment, and people were fixated about getting rid of buildings so people driving down Baron Cameron Avenue at 55 mph could get an unfettered view of Lake Anne. Wait, what?

This must have been the weirdest meeting ever. And it only took five freaking years for this process to devolve into chaos.

RESTON FOUNDER Bob Simon said he thought the plan had become too burdened with details to attract a developer and he announced that he was going to try to develop an alternate amendment to bring before the Board of Supervisors. What had begun as a Comprehensive Plan amendment had turned into a site plan, Simon said, noting that the 35 acres in question, a relatively small development, had been carved into six pieces with different densities and requirements for each, "and it doesn’t make any sense at all."

"As far as density is concerned, I’m afraid this is a word that is used to frighten children. Most people don’t know what they’re talking about," Simon said.

He's absolutely right about that. Apparently all the futzing about has already scared off a couple of developers, back when developers still had money for grander projects than refrigerator boxes under highway overpasses.

In a letter he handed to planning staff, Simon had written that two different developers had spent time coming up with plans for Lake Anne’s redevelopment in 2004 but had put off further efforts until the plan amendment was worked out. Neither developer’s plan would fit into the current proposal and Simon felt that one of those plans represented "an ideal solution," the letter said.

Simon noted that the Comprehensive Plan wouldn’t make a difference without any developer interest. "For the John Lovaases in the room, it’s not as though once this thing is done, a developer can run through it and do what he wants," Simon told the crowd. Once basic parameters are laid out, he said, the details would be worked out once a developer came forward with an idea.

Meanwhile, when the buildings that won't be built get built, they'll basically be encouraged to build giant polluting smokestacks. Well, maybe not, but apparently they won't have to qualify for gold LEED status, which we guess means putting a scented towelettte over any chimneys.

Lovaas lauded the plan language that called for the retention of the existing number of affordable dwelling units in the areas of Fellowship Square and Crescent Apartments but added, with regard to Leadership in Energy and Environmental Design (LEED) certification, "You made a slip when you went back from gold to silver."

The county had considered "strongly encouraging" gold certification for all new development.

Then there was this whole thing about seeing Lake Anne from Baron Cameron Avenue which, so far as we know, isn't possible anyway. Right?

Lovaas said he thought the proposal to allow up to 175 dwelling units — more units than currently exist in the entire village — on the three acres that now make up the village center’s parking lot was too much and would overwhelm the Washington Plaza entry and block the view of the lake from Baron Cameron Avenue.

While there had been suggestions for a height limit, Bruce said the department hadn’t felt it could determine whether a limit of 12 stories or one of 13 stories would be more appropriate and opted to leave some flexibility for the Architectural Review Board and others to make such determinations.

Planners had scaled back the amount of retail space that would be suggested for new buildings, Bruce said. "The goal is not to take business away from the core of the village center." New development should not have more retail space than supports the other uses in the building.

Yeah, because you wouldn't want people to come there or anything.

Staff is also continuing to encourage that buildings be moved to give a direct view of the lake from what is now the parking lot but will become an extension of the plaza.

Move buildings? Good lord. It takes these people five years to come up with a development plan that will preclude any actual development, and now they want to talk about playing SimCity? Anyhoo, the Planning Commission is supposed to make heads or tails of this mess on March 11, and maybe a couple dozen more of them charettes, or whatever you call those meetings where people can't complain because of the rules of order, will straighten all this out, the end.

Our 15 minutes: 'A long, hard look at Reston'

So says Washingtonian's Blogger Beat, which apparently confused this site with some of its own personal ads. No, wait. They actually called Restonian "a localized version of the Daily Show." What, is there something funny about this site? Anyway, thanks for the nice writeup, though we're not sure why they didn't crop out the filthy hobo with the book who wandered into this photo, the end.

Health News: Shiny New Reston Hospital Center Addition to Spite Loudoun County, YMCA Becomes Tertiary Care Facility

Let's say you run an awesome hospital company, with lots of boxes full of tongue depressors and cotton balls and whatnot, and you decide you want to build a hospital in Loudoun County, because that's where all the people are moving to live stacked up in particleboard housing subdivisions, but the board of supervisors says, "Whoa, not so fast, gunsmoke, because we might want to put more particleboard housing instead of a hospital on that spot near the Starbucks." We paraphrase, of course, but how would you thumb your nose at these folks after being rebuffed in such callous fashion?

Put more hospital beds in Reston, of course.

HCA Virginia said Friday that it is accelerating its plans to expand Reston Hospital Center because of the Loudoun County Board of Supervisors' vote Feb. 3 denying the company's application to build a 164-bed hospital in Broadlands.

Company officials said they have submitted a rezoning request to Fairfax County authorities for a project that would add 152 beds to the 187-bed Reston hospital and enlarge the Reston campus by 345,000 square feet.

"Our long-term expansion plans for Reston Hospital Center have been under development for two years," Margaret Lewis, head of HCA Virginia, said in a statement. "Now, in the wake of the recent Broadlands . . . decision, we will take full advantage of the opportunity to accelerate the project's timetable."

In your face, Loudoun! In your face!

Meanwhile, it sure seems like Reston could use the hospital beds, now that the YMCA is being used as a treatment center for lung patients. No, really.

More than 90 chronic lung patients will be displaced from their current facility at Inova Fairfax Hospital in March and receive therapy instead at the YMCA of Reston - which some say can't provide the level of care the patients received at the hospital.

The hospital says it needs to increase space for a growing number of acute-care patients, and that the chronic maintenance patients need to learn to do more for their own rehabilitation.

Hey, makes sense to us. Can we get a triple bypass at the Chick-Fil-A next door?

Treepocalypse Now: DRB 2 -- Electric Boogaloo

Following the Design Review Board's unanimous decision to allow the awesome stream restoration project to continue, the Save the Glade folks have decided to play Junior Detective and tromp around in the woods with video cameras and whatnot:

Members of the Save the Glade Coalition decided that something very important was needed: a documenting of the "before" situation in the Glade, i.e., before the bulldozers hit the dirt. This takes time, and we are working professionals who do not have much of it. But we were able, in the last weekend before the project is slated to begin, to compare the plans and tree lists against what is on the ground in much of Glade reaches 1, 2, and 3; and to take photos and videos in order to make sure that the Project does not go beyond its Limits of Clearing (LOC) and does not take out unauthorized trees. We were also able to easily identify trees that could be saved with a slight adjustment of the LOC, reinforcing our concern that RA is not providing enough care and oversight in terms of tree preservation.

We found numerous discrepancies between the plans, the tree-removal list, and the actual situation on the ground. A few errors are to be expected, but what we found goes beyond that (see below, our appeal). It is more than a little troubling.

So this evening, the group will go before the DRB to appeal its decision, bringing shocking evidence that trees are, in fact, being cut down. The evidence is very convincing (PDF), including a three-page table of specific trees, including comments like this:

10382 Very unusual, mature, very large double holly with “rock” connecting the two trunks. Healthy and far from bank of stream; slated for removal because stream meander is being changed.

Wow. Now we're all for saving tree #10382. (Stupid tree #10383 can be turned into toothpicks for all we care, though.) The meeting is at 7pm tonight at Reston headquarters, so we encourage all interested parties to go and chant "Hey DRB/What are you gonna do?/We're gonna save/Tree #10382!" whenever someone attempts to speak.

In the meantime, there's really someone who's counted and numbered every tree in Reston?

Meanwhile, in the other other Anti-Reston: A Traitor in Our Midst

Reston CEO Milton Matthews is a finalist for President of the Columbia Association, the equally earth-tone obsessed governing body of our evil doppelganger to our north, where they hate Christmas and drive around endlessly on Satan Wood Drive.

According to a news release, the three are Milton Matthews, 54, chief executive officer of the Reston Association, a similar homeowners association for the smaller planned community in Virginia; Phil Nelson, city manager of Troy, Mich.; and Rob Goldman, 59, vice president for sports and fitness at the Columbia Association for the past 19 years.

Troy is the 13th largest city in Michigan, with a population of 81,000, according to the town's Web site. Nelson was unavailable for comment yesterday.

Matthews said he has been at Reston for more than four years, after serving as city manager of Webster Grove, Mo., for more than 14 years. His wife, Barbara, he said, is city manager of Takoma Park.

We, for one, are shocked. What does Columbia have that we don't? Besides a garish shopping mall plopped in the middle of town, that is. Maybe if we build an Orange Julius in the building soon to be vacated by RA Headquarters, he'll stay.

Flashback Monday: You'll only need one crayon

Oh, to be young again! The Reston Museum is selling this awesome children's coloring book, which includes 17 fun-filled pages of things about Reston, to color. Mauve crayon not included.

The Bipolar Plunge

Dismayed by the $16 increase in her annual RA assessment, this Reston resident attempted to end it all by jumping into the icy grave that is Lake Anne, only to be saved by one of the many covert ex-Navy Seal frogmen the DRB hires to keep tabs on the weatherstripping of Reston's awesome floating docks. This bizarre annual ritual raised nearly $17,000 for Camp Sunshine, which is sort of ironic when you think about jumping into an icy, algae-infested pond, the end.

Tweet This!

So in the spirit of Reston as a cutting-edge tech center, we're on this thing the kids keep talking about, the "Twitter," so be sure to "follow" us, or whatever. This site will probably be more entertaining in 150-character morsels, anyway.

This Week in Crime: Another Week, Another Bank Robbery

We'd been hearing rumors that the Wachovia in Hunters Woods Village Center got robbed again yesterday afternoon, and it turns out they were correct:

An employee of the Wachovia Bank, located at 2374 Hunters Square Court, was robbed on Tuesday [ed. note: actually, it was Wednesday], February 11 around noon. The victim, a 25-year-old Herndon woman, was working when a man walked into the bank, displayed a handgun and jumped the counter. The suspect demanded money, took an undisclosed amount of cash and fled on foot. No one was injured.

He was described as black, about 5 feet 7 inches to 5 feet 10 inches tall and 170 to 200 pounds. He wore jeans, a gray hoodie, and a black ski mask.

Sounds like the same athletic, desk-jumping guy who's been hitting banks in Reston and Franklin Farms since around Thanksgiving. His timing seems to have been around holidays, but this time maybe he was happy about the latest round of bailout money for banks and decided to cut out the middleman. Anyway, we'd heard that Hunters Woods Elementary was put on lockdown while the police unsuccessfully searched for the suspect, but who knows if that's actually true, the end.

RA Headquarters Referendum: Brother, Can You Spare $15 Million?

You know how your "house," assuming you still have one and haven't been forcibly relocated to Targetville, isn't exactly worth what it was a year or so back? As your friendly neighborhood Realtor(tm)(R) will tell you, that means it's a great time to buy -- unless, that is, you're a homeowner's association looking for new office space in a vibrant planned community. Turns out the Reston Association, which won approval to spend up to $5 million on new earth-toned digs a few years back, just can't find anything at that price level, because now they want to spend up to $15 million. So later this month, watch your mailbox for a referendum ballot on the issue.

You see, the RA's lease will expire on its current headquarters in Isaac Newton Square in 2010, and with the Metro station on its way, that building is expected to be redeveloped into something big and shiny and awesome with Macaroni Grills and other chain retail and whatnot. But apparently no one's clear on how much space the RA wants for its new pleasure dome headquarters, or even if it would be located in Reston! (They might save some money if they move it to Chantilly.) Anyway, they had some sort of meeting where they said they wanted to put it to a referendum, and the Reston Alliance of Reston Clusters and Homeowners (ARCH) said something like, "Whoa, dudes, how about giving us a few minor details, like how much space you think you'll need to hand out pool passes, and will it be staffed by a wacky, wisecracking fix-it guy like that dude with the toolbelt in One Day at a Time?" and generally harshed the whole buzz, because they're buzzkills.

In conclusion, be sure to vote for the referendum, or whatever, when it comes in the mail so the RA can build a giant floating fortress in the middle of Lake Anne, which will then be immediately demolished because its window trim isn't an approved shade of teal, the end.

Not-So-Breaking News: Apple Store, Smugness Coming to Reston Town Center

Yes, it's true. Just like we told you nearly two months ago. So break out the black mock turtleneck -- you did buy one from Eddie Bauer before they went out of business, right? -- and get ready to celebrate!

All we know is that with Apple "geniuses" soon to infiltrate Reston Town Center, we're already feeling a whole lot smarter. Maybe they'll join forces with their neighbors at Google and get into a screaming match with the Microsoft employees down the street. Nerd fight!

Spotted: Stating the Obvious

"Annoyingly Ironic Self-Aware Sign." Laser printer ink on paper, 2009. Lake Anne Village Center.

Treepocalypse Now: Everyone's Getting Into the Act!

Following the recent DRB decision to let some company chop down some trees and pipe 7-Up into Reston's pristine streams or whatever, someone decided that it was unfair to let some greedy for-profit company have all the fun! Informant Domenick, who calls himself "The Peasant From Less Sought After South Reston," wrote in to tell us that any random slob was invited to go in and cut down a tree or seven:

I received yesterday by mail an exciting offer from WSSI and the RA inviting me and fellow Restonians to “participate in a plant rescue in Reaches 1, 1A, 2, and 3 in the Glade.” Yes, you too “can remove any tree, shrub, or herbaceous plant from within the Limits of Construction (LOC) from now until February 8, 2009.” (Of course, one could be excused for wondering how it is possible to transplant anything into frozen snow-covered soil this time of year). Nevertheless, the RA, God bless it, even “has arranged to have ten (10) {yes, they used the numeral itself as well as the noun ten, assuming I guess that graduates of the local educational system lack basic literacy skills – end comment} people available for three days to assist residents unable to physically dig and carry plants with transplanting vegetation from within the LOC.” This is undoubtedly the most exciting thing to happen in Reston since the statue of Dear Leader ended up in Lake Anne a few years ago, or for that matter anywhere in the world since the invention or orange-flavored Metamucil. The area in question is the part of the Glade just east of Reston Parkway that is the next area to be nuked, er, restored, by WSSI. By the way, when I walked by there today, they already had plastic construction fencing up in the definitely non-DRB approved color of...bright orange.

Before you grab the chainsaw or pull the backhoe out of the cluster-approved carport, hold your horses for a second. Turns out this grace period of aboreal slaughter just ended. Our bad!

This Week in Crime: Paper or Plastic?

It's been a couple of weeks since the last Reston bank robbery, but we've learned a new fun detail about the January holdup at the South Lakes Village Center BB&T.

A man who robbed a Reston BB&T bank at gunpoint recently wasn’t prepared to carry off the cash he obtained from tellers’ drawers and had to ask the teller for a bag.

The man entered the BB&T at 11100 South Lakes Drive, shortly before 6 p.m. on Jan. 12, went straight to the teller counter and vaulted it, the FBI said.

He pulled out a black semiautomatic handgun and told a 52-year-old Ashburn woman working as a teller to open the drawers.

The thief started stuffing cash from two tellers’ drawers in his pockets, but then, when his pockets couldn’t carry any more, he asked for a bag, the FBI said. The teller handed him a white plastic bag, the robber finished taking the money and then left the bank on foot.

Good thing the robber wasn't a fan of Trader Joes, or he'd still be there, demanding a biodegradable paper sack made from free-range trees. And probably some soy-based snacks for the road.

This and That: A Random Stroll Through Reston News

• 27-year old Brian Chae Gun of Reston was killed in an automobile crash in Prince William County early Sunday morning. Two other unidentified Reston residents, one 31, the other 26, were also in the car.
  
  
• When they're not busy robbing banks or holding up little old ladies or parents with toddlers, Reston's criminal element has settled for stealing GPS units -- nearly 60 in January alone. Turn left and put on the ski mask before exiting the car.
  
  
• While we were all enjoying salted snack products and watching the Superbowl, Reston-based Kore Telematics was tracking the cars used to shuttle around players and other VIPs.
  
  
• Now at least five workers in the Philippines has been infected with the Reston Ebola virus. We're all doomed, the end.
  

Reston Real Estate: The High-Low Game, pt. 9 (Special Foreclosure Edition)

Bank ready to default on your 40-year ARM? Let others' misfortunes be your gain, boys and girls, as we pull out the 20-sided dice and amortization tables for today's thrilling installation of Reston's High-Low Game (tm)!

This first humdinger of a property on Swans Neck Way near Lake Thoreau could be yours for a mere $25,305! We're guessing that's probably the minimum bid on an auction, given that the house last sold for $365,000, but at that price, who cares! You get to "live the dream" in Reston in your swank new slightly loved condo! Or is it a townhouse? It's hard to tell from this attractive aerial photo, and you have to join some skeevy foreclosure site to get all the gory details. But no worries -- you've got to spend money to save money, right?

Anyway. If $25,305 is more along the lines of what you spend on home office supplies in a month, maybe this lovely home on Timberhead Lane near Lake Audobon is more your speed. It's a mere $856,754, which is quite the bargain--they're not making any more semi-waterfront property these days! Or, if you want to feel like the little monocle-sporting guy in Monopoly, save your money and buy 33 of the Swans Neck Way places -- that's got to be the entire development! Then you could name yourself cluster president, revise the DRB standards for the neighborhood to require all homes to be painted one of three shades of hot pink (Fuchsia, Lipstick, and Not Fuchsia) and then secede from Reston proper.

Let's face it -- back in the "good old days," when houses were selling above asking price with multiple offers just a few years ago, we couldn't even dream of something that awesome.